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I guess I knew this would happen! My bride and I bought a small cabin (New) 3 years ago in Waynesville. We furnished it and planned to rent it out and then use it as our retirement home in 15-20 years. We are now in our early 40's and want to go now! We have both been in FL for 20 years and my business is great but every time we visit the cabin we never want to leave. We are burned out on FL between the weather, traffic, fast pace etc... I am willing to give up a great job and income for a lifestyle change.
Two problems though.. Job and my son. I have a 10 year old, am divorced but get to spend every other weekend with him. My ex and I have stayed friends and I don't know how to tell them that I want to leave. My plan would be to find a job that allows me the freedom to come back to FL at least once a month. (to see my son) I have been in sales for twenty years here in FL and am thinking about getting into real estate in Western NC.
My questions are these. Are there any realtors out there, does that job afford you the luxury to take off for 4-5 days a month? Is there anyone else out there that has already made the move and what do you think of being in NC full time?
I own a finance company and my partner is in real estate in florida. we bought land in burnsville a year ago to go to once in a while to get out of the fast pace. each time we go to the mountains, its harder to come back. well....june did it for us. we went there and decided to move there for good. we have begun to sell our fl properties, even though the market is down, and have begun to move up there. we have looked into jobs....the real estate market is nothing like fl and we will take a substantial cut in pay....but think it will be worth a better quality of life in the long run. Being a realtor does absolutely grant the opportunity to leave whenever you want. we have traveled with complete flexibility all over the world because of our loose schedules. What an awesome place for your son to come to...so much better than fl...i would think that your ex wife would be thankful that he gets to experience the beauty and sense of community up there. by the way, i have spent 34 consecutive days at our cabin and it took every ounce of man i am to leave it for florida. good luck to you
I guess I knew this would happen! My bride and I bought a small cabin (New) 3 years ago in Waynesville. We furnished it and planned to rent it out and then use it as our retirement home in 15-20 years. We are now in our early 40's and want to go now! We have both been in FL for 20 years and my business is great but every time we visit the cabin we never want to leave. We are burned out on FL between the weather, traffic, fast pace etc... I am willing to give up a great job and income for a lifestyle change.
Two problems though.. Job and my son. I have a 10 year old, am divorced but get to spend every other weekend with him. My ex and I have stayed friends and I don't know how to tell them that I want to leave. My plan would be to find a job that allows me the freedom to come back to FL at least once a month. (to see my son) I have been in sales for twenty years here in FL and am thinking about getting into real estate in Western NC.
My questions are these. Are there any realtors out there, does that job afford you the luxury to take off for 4-5 days a month? Is there anyone else out there that has already made the move and what do you think of being in NC full time?
Could you just visit your cabin more often but stay in Florida another 7 or 8 years until your son graduates from high school? Leaving him behind at this age, even if you think you'll see him once a month, could have lifelong consequences you could really regret. Do you really think it is in his best interests to see you so infrequently? If his mom hasn't remarried yet, but does while you are gone, you will be replaced in your son's life. Not that he won't love you anymore, but on a practical level the man who is there physically for his kids on a day to day basis is the man the kid(s) will emmulate and look up to.
Not trying to rain on your parade, just giving you some food for thought. I would be very careful about putting my new brides desires ahead of my children.
I moved from Fort Lauderdale to Asheville in 2004. Don't regret it for a second, this place so beats FL it isn't funny. I am a single mom with a boy, he loves it here. I will say that good jobs are very hard to come by here. Real Estate is very competitive and everyone I know who is a realtor works more hours in a week than I do in a month. But the lifestyle change for me was so worth the move. I am actually planning to move to MOntana in the near future, I just like moving around and now that I have been in the mountains, I could never go back to flat land.
Quote:
Originally Posted by carolinainmymind
I guess I knew this would happen! My bride and I bought a small cabin (New) 3 years ago in Waynesville. We furnished it and planned to rent it out and then use it as our retirement home in 15-20 years. We are now in our early 40's and want to go now! We have both been in FL for 20 years and my business is great but every time we visit the cabin we never want to leave. We are burned out on FL between the weather, traffic, fast pace etc... I am willing to give up a great job and income for a lifestyle change.
Two problems though.. Job and my son. I have a 10 year old, am divorced but get to spend every other weekend with him. My ex and I have stayed friends and I don't know how to tell them that I want to leave. My plan would be to find a job that allows me the freedom to come back to FL at least once a month. (to see my son) I have been in sales for twenty years here in FL and am thinking about getting into real estate in Western NC.
My questions are these. Are there any realtors out there, does that job afford you the luxury to take off for 4-5 days a month? Is there anyone else out there that has already made the move and what do you think of being in NC full time?
And I have to dissagree...
My ex husband lives over 1500 miles away from our two children, my current husband and our child. While my older two do not see their father but twice a year, he calls them almost every day. They discuss every issue under the sun and he is very involved in their lives eventhough he is far away. He probably knows more about what they are doing than I do.
My children are older...18 and 15, and they both have cell phones so their father does not have to go through me to talk to them. It has worked well for us. I send them to his home for most of the summer, and he has them for a week or more at Christmas. At those times they have a chance to reconnect, relax, and spend many hours together. Yes, there are things he misses out on. He doesn't get to see them play sports, he doesn't really know many of their friends, and he has never helped with homework. To be honest, he didn't before we were divorced.
No divorce situation with children is perfect. That is the saddest part of divorce. It can, with effort and co operation, work. We must all do what is best for ourselves as well as our children. To be miserable yourself is only a detrament to the kids. Living in a different state can show them a whole new world and I don't think it should be looked on as all bad, or all good.
And I have to dissagree...
My ex husband lives over 1500 miles away from our two children, my current husband and our child. While my older two do not see their father but twice a year, he calls them almost every day. They discuss every issue under the sun and he is very involved in their lives eventhough he is far away. He probably knows more about what they are doing than I do.
My children are older...18 and 15, and they both have cell phones so their father does not have to go through me to talk to them. It has worked well for us. I send them to his home for most of the summer, and he has them for a week or more at Christmas. At those times they have a chance to reconnect, relax, and spend many hours together. Yes, there are things he misses out on. He doesn't get to see them play sports, he doesn't really know many of their friends, and he has never helped with homework. To be honest, he didn't before we were divorced.
No divorce situation with children is perfect. That is the saddest part of divorce. It can, with effort and co operation, work. We must all do what is best for ourselves as well as our children. To be miserable yourself is only a detrament to the kids. Living in a different state can show them a whole new world and I don't think it should be looked on as all bad, or all good.
Sounds like your family has done its best to make the situation as good as possible, congrats. I think your ex is obviously highly motivated to stay in his kids lives, and kudos to whoever pays for those cell phones!
Unfortunately I think your experience is the exception, not the rule. For many different reasons a lot of dad's don't or can't manage that level of every day contact and the father/child relationship suffers, in addition to the negative impact this can have on the child.
I also think it is pretty unusual that teenagers 15 and 18 would willingly agree to go away for their entire summer just to be with their dad. Most teenagers, even those that really adore their parents, don't want to give up a summer at home hanging with their friends, ESPECIALLY if there is a boyfriend or girlfriend in the picture.
No, what happens most of the time is that as the teen gets older and has more of his own life and plans (like summer jobs and socal events) he sees his dad less and less. Dads are important people in our lives - as a society we tend to underestimate the importance of their presence. I say if you can avoid having to live several states away from your kids you should do so. After all, they won't be young for much longer - 18 comes before you know it.
I'm a child of divorce, but I don't agree with most of you. If you can make this a positive experience every time your son comes to visit you in the mountains, go for it. It will show him that there really is more out there then just where he was raised, and honestly, stopping your life is not sending the right message. Yes, as a parent our jobs are to put our children first, but not at the risk of becoming too burnt out that the years you spend in their lives are years where they see the stress wearing on you, trust me, I saw that in my parents lives and I would have much rather them be happy than just down the street. Besides, if you are divorced you aren't living with them anyway. If you want to know your sons friends, have them come up with him sometimes, or go down there and get to know them in their element. If you want to see him play sports (or whatever activity he chooses to get into) then use your flexibility in your work schedule and make it a point to go see him as often as you can. I'm sorry LovesMountains and tkhk3746, but I think that although you have some valid points, overall, you are both mistaken. Carolinaonmymind, don't worry that you will be doing irreprible damage to your son, make his trips to see you as great and positive as you can and when he is 15 or even 18 he will want to come see you and keep in close contact with you. Just make sure you let him in on as much of your life as you can and go out of your way to let him know that you love him and always will, and he will be fine.
I think you have gotten some incredible advice from people who really care enough to take the time to give it. Kudos to all of you - I think you have give Carolinainmymind a great deal of valuable input and a lot to think about.
On the job note, I personally would not go into Real Estate at this point - it is too competitive. If you are excellent at sales, and love to sell something that really helps people, I would be interested in offering you a job.
We are living in FL (but are not Floridians, per se). We have a successful online email newsletter marketing business, and we are preparing to move our home, 3 children and our company up to the mountains of WNC (probably Waynesville) where we can feed our passion (organic gardening), grow our kids and expand our company in a clean, paperless environment.
I am looking for the right person/people to help us take the company to the next level. Freedom of schedule? Yes. Work from home/airplane/Timbukto? Also okay.
I understand how you feel. I HATE leaving the mountains. I spent my 1st winter here and after 25 years of hot sunny Fl...I LOVED the winter. I used to publish a magazine in Fl and my printer owns a summer home here and he told me 4 of his friends sold their Fl homes and lived here all year round....that was my very 1st summer and I innocently asked "Why would anyone do that? Why not have the best of both worlds?" OMG...the BEST OF BOTH WORLDS are RIGHT HERE in the mountains! I'm over 50 and I look better in a winter coat than a bikini! Capish!...ps...wish me luck, I'm leaving for Fl tomorrow for Dr appts and jury duty.
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...ps...wish me luck, I'm leaving for Fl tomorrow for Dr appts and jury duty.
