I hooked up with my boss twice, and now I want to quit (job, business)
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Hey all, I started a brand new job waitressing at a sports bar last year holiday season. I'm in my early 20s. I was really excited to start this new place and desperate to fit in with all the girls and my supervisors. I have two bosses, a female boss and a male boss, both were very nice and accommodating and very relaxed and casual. We all discuss our personal lives with each other. I noticed my male supervisor kind of getting a little touchy feely with me, but restaurants are pretty informal places where things like that go on so I think nothing of it. Two weeks into the job to make a long story short he gets me trashed while I'm working and we hook up in the restaurant after hours. No sex.
Then I discover from my co-workers that he is married. He doesn't wear a ring and didn't tell me. He tries to get me to hook up with him again several times but I always have an excuse, I'm tired, it's too late, etc. His wife finds out and it was a huge deal, even though she didn't realize the woman he hooked up with was me (long story). She starts hanging around the restaurant more, but after a while relaxes.
Over those months, our relationship changed in that he barely spoke to me and treated me so obviously different than the other girls it was terrible. I thought I was going to quit but eventually got used to it and ignored him. Easier on me, it's all over right? Well, no.
A week ago, I had a problem with a table and it was just me and him working together. Basically I was exhausted from working so much and freaked out, so we had it out. I went downstairs and cried a little came back up. I finished up, we basically sat there drinking not acknowledging each other at all like usual. I'm not going into the details, but after about an hour of drinking and not acknowledging each other we basically brushed into each other and started making out. So we got close again and it was weird after all these months of not speaking to each other at all, except for the essentials. But unbelievably I allowed it to happen again. I just don't understand my own behavior.
Clearly I'm wrong, because a. he's married, b. it's dumb to hook up with your boss but obviously when I am drunk and emotional my judgment is poor, but I don't want to go to back to work at all. This situation is emotionally draining for me and I'm already exhausted from the long hours. I don't know what he wants from me, how he's going to treat me from day to day, etc. I just kind of want him to disappear, or I just need to quit my job, which I don't want to do because I actually enjoy it a lot. I'm strongly attracted to him, but I don't need to hook up with someone that badly that it affects my work life and makes me nervous and on edge. I'd much rather not, but now that I did it again the nonsense is re-started.
I'm sorry to sound mean but you seriously need to grow up and take more responsibility for yourself and your actions. Getting drunk and dumber once was bad enough but then instead of telling this manager a firm "NO!" to his advances you fudged around giving him excuses and then landed up in exactly the same situation again. Drunk and double dumber.
If you want to keep this job then pull your socks up, act like a professional, don't discuss your personal business at work with your managers, don't drink and get over this attraction for a married man. There are plenty of single men out there and messing with someone else's husband is low. Not to mention that his own behavior is lower than low and falling for it only demonstrates your own lack of self respect.
If you can't shape up then quit this job and find something else but you're still going to have to work on yourself otherwise the same thing will happen again. Good luck.
I'm not offended. In addition to drinking too much, I'm weak minded, agreeable and as docile as women come. He's far more emotionally mature than I am and he's pretty intimidating, I stutter often when speaking to him. But even if I didn't drink, I'm always scheduled to close the restaurant and we're often alone together past 2:00 am or later, and he always drinks even if I don't. I guess he'll switch off and be nasty to me again. I really don't see how this can be resolved. I want to not fear going up to him if I need something and communicate with him in a friendly way as needed, but I don't want to hook up with him again. It's hard because I put myself in this mess, but I need a way out at this point, I'm a very nervous person and it's causing me a lot of stress.
Act as if nothing happened at first.
Then, during the day, with people around but no one watching, go up to him and grab him by the balls. At first he'll try to get away. This means it's working. Squeeze harder. After he stops resisting...he'll no doubt say something to you in a flustered way. Cut him off mid sentence and say, in a hushed voice, almost guttural "this is why I own you"...
Then walk away.
You'll be his boss in two, three weeks tops.
Remember, it's not who you know, it's who you blow....
Yeah, that part I get. It's just an expression. I take responsibility for what I do. If knowledge meant you always did the right thing, there'd be a lot of perfect people out there.
If you are unable to control yourself (which it appears you aren't) then quit.
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