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I was in a small office situation where I worked with ONE OTHER SECRETARY who of course had to be the alpha dog/queen bee. She made my working life miserable, destroyed my self confidence, made snarky comments demeaning me in front of the bosses and clients, and caused me to drink a large amount of vodka at the end of the work week. I couldn't handle it...like the OP I just can't function that way. I'm basically nonconfrontational. She somewhat treated the bosses that way, too (attorneys). They seemed afraid of her. She'd had a history of this behavior at other work places - and actually bragged about it! Thankfully, I've been out of there over three years and haven't had to see her since.
It's funny, but I now work in a different field (cook in a school cafeteria) with a large staff of women...and it's the complete opposite. I've never had so many good friends at work. Of course, we have our moments (a lot of us are menopausal), but everyone tries to be kind and considerate and cover each other's back. The teamwork in this place is amazing.
Your excellent posting proves that snarky people can make your life miserable and that it's not just in your mind, or that it's your fault for not 'getting along' with a coworker. You proved it by stating how pleasant your current working environment is. I'm very happy for you that you're away from that Queen B- - - - .
I've witnessed alot of bullying and personally experienced it. I've never seen the 'bully' get fired or reprimanded. Quite the contrary. The 'bullied', the 'victim' is the one pushed out of a job.
We need to do more? Besides throwing people under the bus, what are YOU doing to stamp out bullying?
Keep in mind your behavior will come back on you. It's called 'karma'.
Karma? You mean the thing that people claim when bullied children become the hotshot bullies in the corporate world today creating a never-ending cycle? Then yes, 'karma' has come back full circle. You think we don't need to do more to stop this loop? OK, so be it. Be an enabler for the negativity in this world.
I was in a small office situation where I worked with ONE OTHER SECRETARY who of course had to be the alpha dog/queen bee. She made my working life miserable, destroyed my self confidence, made snarky comments demeaning me in front of the bosses and clients, and caused me to drink a large amount of vodka at the end of the work week. I couldn't handle it...like the OP I just can't function that way. I'm basically nonconfrontational. She somewhat treated the bosses that way, too (attorneys). They seemed afraid of her. She'd had a history of this behavior at other work places - and actually bragged about it! Thankfully, I've been out of there over three years and haven't had to see her since.
Wow. I think I work with her twin sister.
I realize I threaten the domain of this woman. It's kind of a rueful joke to people (including managers) who don't work in my area that she is a bully, but no one does anything about it. I simply sit with my back to her, attending to my own duties, and ignore her when she bursts out with passive-aggressive remarks - just clear out of the blue - meant to be digs at me.
If management, knowing what a solid gold c* she is, doesn't act to curtail her, there's not much that we employees can do. Thing is, I've established myself as a decent worker to everyone else. I come in on time (Bully is late 95% of the time) so the previous shift can go home when they are supposed to, am cordial, friendly, supportive of their problems and try to be entertaining. I've become a sounding board for the vents from those people about the bully, but try (sometimes I fail; she can be very wearing) to only return non-committal remarks.
I have noticed more unity among the other people; I guess they thought I was going to join them in being disgruntled and angry at the bully. There are times, certainly, when I think to myself "I don't need this job that bad," but I don't want to go through the whole look-for-a-job drudgery again. I'm just building up a wall of detachment and act as an example to others. It helps disarm a lot of her venom.
Last edited by silverwing; 05-15-2013 at 12:46 PM..
Karma? You mean the thing that people claim when bullied children become the hotshot bullies in the corporate world today creating a never-ending cycle? Then yes, 'karma' has come back full circle. You think we don't need to do more to stop this loop? OK, so be it. Be an enabler for the negativity in this world.
No, who claims that? Enabler?
I mean the karma you will experience when it's your turn to get 'thrown under the bus'. I'm just trying to understand the mentality of a bully. Does it make you feel better when you inflict your pain on others? Idk, it just seems like a miserable and lonely way to live life. I've seen careers destroyed and lives forever changed by this cruel workplace 'game'.
I'm no longer in corporate america because I crossed the path of someone like you. The lies, harrassment, and slander. I sued my employer. They offered me my miserable job back and had to pay my attorney fees. I declined the job and went after the $$$.. I will no longer spend my days in the midst of devlish individuals and pray for the normal/good folk that feel stuck in these environments.
And guess what, unlike the excuse you use, being bullied didn't turn me into a bully. I have the same integrity and compassion for others as I've always had. I believe in a higher being and answering to Him.
THANK YOU... Seriously, I worked a job for three years that had THREE bullies. Leaving there was the best thing I ever did for myself.
I had an opportunity to return there, at a job that paid 3x what I would have made before. An old coworker called me asking me if I wanted to apply lol. I asked if those three women still worked there. She said one had left, and I was like no thanks. Unless they are paying me MILLIONS I just can't deal with all that drama... I'm pretty sure those girls would get up and think to themselves "what can I do to make others miserable today?"
THANKFULLY the company I work for now is VERY much against toxic people. During my interview they flat out said they do not like toxic people, that they will get rid of them, and asked if I was that kind of person lol. I told them no and that made me happy because I have worked with toxic people before and I never understood that sort of mentality.
In my opinion, a lot of these workplace bullies feel that there are no consequences and repercussions for their actions, that is why they do what they do. A lot of them are hyper competitive and don't care who they hurt to get ahead. Honestly some of them just need a good old fashioned a** whopping to put them in check. Of course we have somewhat evolved from that kind of behavior so you can't do that but (and I hate admit it), it would be nice. Yes it sounds a bit barbaric however I think everyone has worked with a "bully" who they just wanted to smack the sh** out of.
In my opinion, a lot of these workplace bullies feel that there are no consequences and repercussions for their actions, that is why they do what they do. A lot of them are hyper competitive and don't care who they hurt to get ahead.
Or they just sit on their butts and do nothing, but are so toxic no wants to confront them.
So much of their behavior is declared "subjective", "hearsay" and "conflicting personalities" it is hard to gather enough evidence to give them the deserved boot.
How?? I am pretty curious I had some problems with it recently?
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I will no longer spend my days in the midst of devlish individuals and pray for the normal/good folk that feel stuck in these environments.
Beat the bully?
