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Any aspirations for moving up in the company? If so, it helps to demonstrate your willingness to be a "team player" who has the interpersonal skills needed in a management/supervisory role. That means you don't act-out even when others do.
Go to the party.
I hardly think declining a lunch invitation counts as acting out.
Yes. You don't have to be phony nice but being decent will help you cut that energetic cord which breeds resentment and really let go and forgive whatever crap she did.
If it were me, I'd go, NOT interact with this hated coworker, and just talk to anyone else instead. If the food's free, then all the better.
If you REALLY DO NOT want to go (you really think she's such an awful human being, let alone coworker that you don't want to be near her ever), consider making up an excuse. AFAIK, you do NOT have paid lunches? You can make up a convincing spiel that you want to work through lunch to get out early.
I heard from some friends about a co-worker that was extremely disliked by pretty much everyone at their workplace. This person decided to elect themselves the official planner of the next company function. Typically, a couple hundred people would show up. Not this time. 3 people wandered in, that's it.
How does one manage to make enemies out of everyone in every department?
I admire the organizational skills of the rest of the department!
You'd think a bunch of people would at least forget that the hated person was in charge!
There are DEFINITELY some very abrasive personalities or workstyles out there.
One case, I worked at a place where one person was so sick of the way another coworker insisted on how things got done (and other issues) that he confronted him one day and said: from now on, only talk to me if you want to talk about work. Don't even say "hi" to me.
In another case, A former coworker told me that in his last job, a source of entertainment for many was how a database administrator and system administrator would come into work and go at each other about various issues with the project, and even spilled into some out of work topics.
In one of my previous jobs, this 22 year old only got the job because his dad was a partner at the parent company. He had no formal education in that field, nor any experience. That sort of influence not only got him the job, but pretty much meant he wasn't getting fired. Normally, I have no ill will towards such folks whatsoever, but when they make YOUR work experience miserable, then that's another thing entirely. He would NEVER shut up. I know more about his girlfriend than my job for the first week because he keeps yakking with the guy next to him. I hear that when he didn't get a cubicle at the back with the computer monitor facing away from everyone (it was determined by random lottery), he made a big stink about it (and the guy who did win it and got shut out is not happy about that). Now, he plays PSP games and does ALOT of non-work related stuff on his office computer (I sat in front of him, so I would know of these activities). But he accuses other people of doing "non work" stuff when he clearly does it himself. We had a project manager, but he was essentially our manager. I thought maybe I was flying off the handle, but nearly everyone mentioned in confidence that they don't like him either. In fact, one person said "there's a reason no one sits next to him" (the guy next to him was sort of "stuck" with him, and I moved away to another cubicle ASAP).
In your first example, if someone did that to me, I'd intentionally say "hi" in a high pitched voice every morning just to annoy him as punishment for trying to talk down to me.
I'd do it every morning until I got an apology.
I'd even buy some voice recording devices to spam "hi" "hi" "hi" over and over until he gave in.
It would be HILARIOUS!
As for the 3rd thing, everyone else in your department should have refused to work until he carried his share.
He can always turn to flamingo for the the $30 babysitting gig he's got locked up because the 12 year old kid of the potential client told him that's the going rate for his parents.
The kid told me the parents' rate is $50 per hour, but I'm hoping to secure $30 per hour instead because I can't cook and to provide an incentive for the parents to switch.
In all honesty, just go and be a good sport. So what you did not get along, at least be the bigger person and stop by for a few minutes. Also, was this co-worker rude to you personally? I always wonder about people saying so and so is highly disliked, and it does set up a red flag. Could there have been a dynamic that had a bit of fun circulating rumors about this person? So what if you did not like the person, it is work and you do not have to be best friends. I prefer being neutral and not getting in these squabbles. Go to work to work, and do not worry about who is your best friend.
Some of the replies to the OP are astounding. Maybe it's the reason so many people are unemployable. Whether your own personal philosophy is "eff 'em", in the work-place there is protocol that needs to be followed and sometimes you do have to take a bite of that fecal sandwich.
The ex-employee isn't throwing her own party - The Boss is. And whatever you choose to think about doing it your own way, The Boss will absolutely notice who ISN'T at the lunch.
This situation has nothing to do with swallowing one's pride. It has everything to do with continuing a reasonably congenial relationship with one's Boss. You know that guy; the one who signs the paychecks?
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