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just posting to get some outside perspective. i'm feeling quite quilty lately for my behavior at work.
i've had an eating disorder for a long time. i've been working really hard on recovering for the past few years. One aspect of the recovery process involved trying various psychiatric medications.
Well I had some serious psychotic reactions to one of the medications recently. Twice in 2014 actually. I had to be hospitalized against my will both times.
Obviously that caused some drama at work and I started acting weird. I had to take short term disability twice.
Now I am back at work and off all medications and doing really well mentally. I am eating right and not doing any drugs. I see a therapist weekly. I see myself as a highly intelligent, creative and valuable employee and I feel like my boss feels the same, but I can't help but feel like my behavior this past year has influenced the direction of my career at that company.
i feel like my boss and my coworkers kind of look down on me now that they know all my drama. that sucks for me, because i feel better than ever! i am so happy now. yet no one seems to respect me.
i hope this isnt inappropriate to say, but i feel especially disrespected by some of the men...mostly my peers. the women at the company have all been very understanding and helpful.
i also feel like i need more time off to recover right now but i can't afford it. i need time to pull my emotions together. even beyond the financial aspect, i feel like taking more time off would leave me out of things and hurt my career.
i also have a lot going on with my family. my brother got into an accident 7 years ago and has been in a vegetative state ever since. my entire family is stressed to the max trying to care for him and personally i just wish we could pull the plug. theres a lot of family drama and overall a lot on my mind.
So sorry you are going through this. Try and keep your head down, do your work and do a great job. It sounds like you already are! You don't know what anyone is thinking, you are just assuming. They may be impressed by your resilience. They haven't done anything to make you think otherwise have they?
That's rough. It is a reality that many people feel you should just "get over" mental illness (like anyone enjoys it?). If your employer is understanding, then that is what matters. Ignorance about mental health reflects more on your judgmental coworkers than you. Have you been in contact with MH support networks?
If only people knew that some schizophrenics sleeping in the streets were once promising or established professionals. Good luck!
The unfortunate thing is that is most certainly will affect your career at this specific company. Mental health issues are not really the same as other medical disabilities. With other disabilities, companies are willing to make minor accommodations and then that person would be able to 100% perform the job.
With mental health issues, the employer will always be unsure when another episode will happen and how it will manifest. I don't know what you did that caused you to be hospitalized (nor am I asking), but the employer (and co-workers) will always have this in the back of their minds and be fearful that something bad could happen at work. While they will not fire you, I wouldn't expect promotions.
I am not saying this is correct; it's just the reality.
Continue to focus on your recovery and when you are better, start your search for a new job. This is a situation where starting anew can go a long way.
You have cultivated a significant and well deserved negative impression about yourself, and that is going to be extremely difficult -- if not impossible -- to overcome. Continue to get better, and look for a fresh start someplace else.
The unfortunate thing is that is most certainly will affect your career at this specific company. Mental health issues are not really the same as other medical disabilities. With other disabilities, companies are willing to make minor accommodations and then that person would be able to 100% perform the job.
With mental health issues, the employer will always be unsure when another episode will happen and how it will manifest. I don't know what you did that caused you to be hospitalized (nor am I asking), but the employer (and co-workers) will always have this in the back of their minds and be fearful that something bad could happen at work. While they will not fire you, I wouldn't expect promotions.
I am not saying this is correct; it's just the reality.
Continue to focus on your recovery and when you are better, start your search for a new job. This is a situation where starting anew can go a long way.
To the OP ^^^this^^^ - all of this.
Starting a search for a new job is going to help you out tremendously as you need a career reboot of sorts or else always be remembered by your coworkers as the person who had a couple of inappropriate psychotic episodes or at the very least the person who acted extremely odd.
damn this sucks t read. im no longer taking the medicatins that were causing those side effects- i refuse and i'm to focus on recovery on my own.
i love my job and i have networked a lot with people at the company. i would hate to leave. i dont know to explain it but i just feel disrespected by some my peers. maybe its just nosiness- idk. i know i have been overly sensitive lately due to the addiction recovery process.
damn this sucks t read. im no longer taking the medicatins that were causing those side effects- i refuse and i'm to focus on recovery on my own.
i love my job and i have networked a lot with people at the company. i would hate to leave. i dont know to explain it but i just feel disrespected by some my peers. maybe its just nosiness- idk. i know i have been overly sensitive lately due to the addiction recovery process.
I'm going to be harsh but you asked.
I wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole.
My suggestion to you is to put your head down and work really hard at your job.
It will take time to earn the respect back of your peers but it can be done.
Just know there isn't a quick fix for this.
I had a coworker with a similar situation. In every single stressful incident (work is stressful) she'd yell PTSD. She was passed up for several promotions because she is unstable. It got to be that no one wanted to be around her.
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