Is being Blunt and Direct a Bad Thing?

[wall st kid]

I think the key is that even though you feel like you're straightforward, you're not coming across as likeable and people want to like you, they're not too interested in "bluntness" because remember, they're not being paid millions per year to "Deal" with you and how you act.

There are times and places to be blunt and direct...for example, if Lebron James yelled at a teammate in "blunt" fashion, he's allowed to do that because he's Lebron James. If you're a big shot in society making millions, people will be much more apt to "put up with" a blunt attitude. If you're just Joe Blow, than it doesn't go over as easy. Know what i'm saying?

[Slowpoke_TX]

I appreciate and respect straight-shooters, who are often direct.

However, many people in this day and age are overly sensitive and self-focused, if not arrogant/egotistical/narcissistic. They tend to take any form of criticism personally, so while you're critiquing their work, they hear you criticizing them as a person, not their work. To further complicate matters, some people react to what they think you said, or what they thought you were gonna say before you spoke, instead of responding to what you actually said.


One skill I learned is to never start a sentence with "you." Hearing a sentence that starts with "you" causes the listener to automatically go on the defensive before the rest of the sentence is spoken.

When giving feedback, it helps to reinforce a positive before you constructively mention the negative. Then follow the negative with a suggestion that shows why your idea would be better for the person/project/team/company. If the person is still reluctant, explain to them how doing it their way might lead to a negative outcome.

And if nothing else, remember that "diplomacy is the art of telling a man he's going to hell in such a way that he looks forward to making the trip."

[In_Correct]

Originally Posted by the_grimace

Ok, serious post here looking for a good discussion on this.

I'm a really blunt and candid guy.... I hate beating around the bush, I hate sarcasm (usually because I take words at face value), and I like just being direct and to the point. I used to always think this was a good quality of mine, but now I feel my candor has hurt me than helped me in my career. (I'm in my late twenties)

I do tend to be very frank and dry about things (it's just part of my ISTJ personality), and I often only lighten up around close friends, family, and acquaintance. Otherwise I'm very flat and I just like to be levelheaded and direct in my communication. Empathy is not something I'm good at, so playing to people's feelings and emotions is not my forte... I simply take the facts of a situation, throw them out on the table, and don't care much about how people react to them, because hey, the facts are the facts.

While I never thought it to be a weakness before, more and more I'm told my bluntness and candor is really something I need to fix. I've been told it sounds too cold, too direct, too militaristic, too rude, too condescending, etc. I've had people tell me I insulted them when really I did not mean in the slightest to offend them. I've had people tell me they thought I was overstepping my bounds by acting too managerial since I'm not in a managerial role. The thing is, I never try to be rude, insulting, or anything negative. Yet, my messages are more often than note interpreted in ways I do not intend them to be interpreted.

One part of me always used to think that people were just way too sensitive, but the more it happens that I get advised to tone back my bluntness, the more I realize that I'm the one that is the anomaly. See, I'm the type of guy that you can come up to, curse me off, tell me I'm a fat slob, whatever, and I literally do not care. I'll laugh it off. It's extremely hard to make me upset. I've learned most people though actually are pretty sensitive... Heck, I've known quite a few people who would break down into tears or start throwing fists if they were angrily cursed off and insulted. (DISCLAIMER, I never curse by the way, just giving a extreme example)

So here I am. I am actively working on becoming more graceful in my communication, but it is a challenge to me. A big one. What do people think about people who are extremely blunt and candid in the workplace? What are some good techniques and practices I should be working on in order to be a better communicator? Will my bluntness and candor ever serve as a strength in the business world?

EDIT: Some recent examples of times my bluntness got misinterpreted.

1. Coworker asked if I remembered to do something. I said quickly, "That is what I'm doing right now". Co-worker got insulted and thought I was being rude. She said I said it in a very condescending voice. I am appalled because I literally was just telling her what I was doing with no weird connotations.

2. Sent out an announcement on policy change via email. Manager said I sounded too cold and heartless because I pointed out the facts and directed what needed to be done. Manager said it would have served me well to soften the blow by acting more sympathetic since the policy change created extra work for some people involved.

3. Senior co-worker asked my opinion on what I thought of the project he worked on. I thought he was doing one part of it very backwards so I said (summarized) "I don't like the way you set this up, I think it would be better if you did "x" like "y"." He got extremely offended and got my manager involved as well because he thought I was acting like a know it all hardass.... In reality, I thought he was doing a pretty good job with a tough project and I simply was stating the one area I thought he could use some improvement in.

That's just a few examples of stuff I've ran into the past couple years that has warranted me seeking to improve my communication skills. I would love to hear people's thoughts on bluntness and candor in the workplace!

Originally Posted by the_grimace

I do tend to be very frank and dry about things (it's just part of my ISTJ personality),

Then why are you beating around the bush? Spell out the words already. I do not have time to learn billions of initials.

Originally Posted by the_grimace

and I often only lighten up around close friends, family, and acquaintance. Otherwise I'm very flat and I just like to be levelheaded and direct in my communication. Empathy is not something I'm good at, so playing to people's feelings and emotions is not my forte... I simply take the facts of a situation, throw them out on the table, and don't care much about how people react to them, because hey, the facts are the facts.

I sometimes lighten up around people close to me. I otherwise flat, level headed, and direct. However, I am pretty good at empathy.

Originally Posted by the_grimace

(DISCLAIMER, I never curse by the way, just giving a extreme example)

A truly blunt person "curses". They never just . Perhaps you are not as blunt as you thought?

Originally Posted by the_grimace

1. Coworker asked if I remembered to do something. I said quickly, "That is what I'm doing right now". Co-worker got insulted and thought I was being rude. She said I said it in a very condescending voice. I am appalled because I literally was just telling her what I was doing with no weird connotations.

Nothing wrong here.

Originally Posted by the_grimace

2. Sent out an announcement on policy change via email. Manager said I sounded too cold and heartless because I pointed out the facts and directed what needed to be done. Manager said it would have served me well to soften the blow by acting more sympathetic since the policy change created extra work for some people involved.

Nothing wrong here either.

Originally Posted by the_grimace

3. Senior co-worker asked my opinion on what I thought of the project he worked on. I thought he was doing one part of it very backwards so I said (summarized) "I don't like the way you set this up, I think it would be better if you did "x" like "y"." He got extremely offended and got my manager involved as well because he thought I was acting like a know it all hardass.... In reality, I thought he was doing a pretty good job with a tough project and I simply was stating the one area I thought he could use some improvement in.

Nothing wrong with this example either.

Originally Posted by the_grimace

The thing is, I never try to be rude, insulting, or anything negative.

But that doesn't guarantee you wouldn't be rude. There is a difference between bluntness and rudeness. I prefer bluntness but I have not heard how you talk.

Originally Posted by the_grimace

So here I am. I am actively working on becoming more graceful in my communication, but it is a challenge to me. A big one. What do people think about people who are extremely blunt and candid in the workplace? What are some good techniques and practices I should be working on in order to be a better communicator? Will my bluntness and candor ever serve as a strength in the business world?

Yes.

And they probably want you to act friendly. But don't try to force that type of personality if you aren't good at it. You might sound like a "car salesman". Other people probably don't like bluntness because it makes you sound very greedy, and that you are against being a team player.

You will also meed to learn empathy. I don't know if I can teach you this, but it is necessary to learn it.

[JrzDefector]

Before you speak, ask yourself this:

Is it kind?
Is it helpful?
Is it necessary?
Is it something you yourself would want to be told?

If it's not all of those things, maybe you still convey the information, but you work on being more tactful in doing it.

[kpl1228]

I am NOT blunt and direct at all. I'm a people pleaser, and go out of my way to do that. Probably too nice. But I work with people that are QUITE blunt and direct.
It took me a good long while to get used to that, and for a long time I'd join in with the people who'd call them snotty or rude or uncooperative. It's just the way they're wired. But after I got used to it, they---and not the touchy feely folks---- became the people I never would have expected to step up for me personally. Heartfelt condolence cards at my mothers passing, good luck dinner when I left my job after 16 years to move elsewhere, stopped to see me in the hospital after major surgery, went to bat for me as a union rep (and NO better union rep exists than those to-the-point folks) that kind of stuff. They did all that stuff (and much more) and really meant it, unlike many of my more "friendly" co-workers. Blunt, organized, but also caring and truly heartfelt. Not gushy or sappy as some were, but made a true effort for me. (Of course they're still gruff and bitchy, but now I know them much better.)
I can see them now, angrily asking the nurse why she won't tell them my medical condition, or directly telling the restaurant manager why my going-away work party is so important and that the restaurant needs to get it right. Good folks after all.
Lesson learned.

[yellowbelle]

I'm very direct (I prefer "honest" but others call it "blunt"), but I am also a very kind coworker. I'm the new hire welcomer, the birthday card organizer, etc. If you're blunt and never show a human side, people will interpret that you're a d/ck.

I don't see anything wrong with direct honesty, but I do keep it in mind when I have to deliver sensitive feedback or communication, to try to soften it up a bit. I hate it. But I know I need to do it.

Communication has two parts - the message you send and the message that's received. Clearly, for blunt people like us, our messages don't always get received the way we intend. You need to accept that fact, and try to make adjustments accordingly.

There are lots of great resources out there about emotional intelligence. I've found lots of helpful advice on that topic. Good luck to you!

[Nanny Goat]

In my personal life I'm somewhat direct, but not rude or mean. You have to know the line. But in my professional life, I've very diplomatic. I don't think a work place is where you should be blunt and direct unless you're in certain occupations that absolutely require it, demand it. Maybe a firefighter! It also depends on the region of the country where you live. Some places you have to be, but in others you can't be!!

[TheEmperorKronos]

Simple question so I'll give the answer you require NO IT IS ABSOLUTELY NOT BAD.
there's a diffirence between blunt and to the ****ing point and being a dick.
People like to sugarcoat that be blunt it get things done it stops you from being a doormat it works. Tough ****.

[ragnarkar]

As long as you're not offending people, no, it's not bad.

I hate managers and companies in general that instead of giving direct orders, pass along hints to its workers as what to do and the workers must deduce what their expectations are. I'd much rather have a manager bark at me with "Do X, Y, and Z now!" than leave me to figure out what X, Y, and Z are when they're clearly aware of it then blame me when X, Y, and Z are not accomplished. Maybe this is a sign of a dysfunctional company but I've spent years at such a company culture before.

[Berteau]

It sounds like you lack tact and emotional intelligence. Being blunt is necessary occasionally when needed. You need to be able to determine the appropriate times to be blunt. Being personable and maintaining friendships in the work place is more important than being blunt.