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Just speaking from my own personal situation, I do about 80% of the household chores. My Husband does maybe 20%, if even that.
When I could stay home from work, it meant $250 a week for our household. Because we weren't paying for daycare. So, my staying home with the kid was worth at least $1,000 a month. That is why there is a monetary value to being a SAHM or SAHD. However, there were still people who looked down their nose at me because I did not earn a paycheck from an employer. My husband's family disrespected me a great deal during that time, and they would bad mouth me for not having a "real job" until finally my husband had to tell them to shut up, and that it was none of their business if I worked or not.
Oh gosh, being a SAHM is an amazing contribution to a family. I personally think it's the best way to raise kids, especially if the mother is intelligent and assertive enough to instill a little discipline.
And it's not like it's the outright drudgery that the FemiNazis tend to portray. My grandmother scrubbed clothes in a bucket, rinsed them in another bucket and hung clothes out to dry. Today we have washers and dryers that all told (including walking time) take about 10 minutes per load. Women back then cooked from scratch. Today we have pre-made food (maybe not the best route to go, so do look into that home cooking folks), microwaves, and ovens that make cooking easy.
So stay at home. Skip the daycare bill, take the kids to the park every couple days, teach them basic math and reading when they're 3 and 4 so that the Kindergarten teacher isn't struggling trying to teach kids who don't have that skill and knowledge set and who are therefore already behind. Heck teach 'em to paint and do crafts and be creative. For the adventurous have the kids do some simple gardening, and if they happen to play with the worms so be it.
If you think men will ever have it worse then women, you are flat out wrong.
First of all, study after study has shown men don't do anything close to 50% of the housework/childcare. I can find the links if you want. If a woman works while raising a family, the job becomes in addition to childcare/housework.
Second of all, if a woman does get a job, there's little thing called wage disparity. You can argue it's because women leave the workforce or put their children's need first; but that doesn't make it any better. Women do these things b/c most men can't/won't/don't.
Third of all, being a stay at home parent and in charge of household tasks is an under-appreciated and incredibly risky economic position for any woman to agree to.
Most of my male colleagues (the company I work for is almost entirely male) have wives who are either stay at home mothers or work part time. But their wives expect their husband to do 50% of the housework and childcare tasks, even when they are working overtime until midnight 7 days a week.
Madison ave and Hollywood have us all thinking that we have to be living in a luxury car commercial all the time. The mcmansion, the pretty wife with 6 pack and and husband that looks like tom Brady. Its all BS designed to sell you something and make rich shareholders much much richer. There is social stigma attached to certain jobs and the list isnt limited to SuBWay. The OP is correct to a point. If the female lives in an affluent suburb she will be better off NOT working at all. Then she can thumb her nose at the working moms. Lol... My advice is not to worry about what others think. Work hard and make it any way you can . slow and steady often wins the race. I respect and salute you sir.
Most of my male colleagues (the company I work for is almost entirely male) have wives who are either stay at home mothers or work part time. But their wives expect their husband to do 50% of the housework and childcare tasks, even when they are working overtime until midnight 7 days a week.
Well.... Until men grow curves and goodies and feminine wilds, women will be wanted. Women will always get the win cause we men drool at the sight of them. I will work 60 hours and wash dishes all day long for a woman's affections. Its called birds and bees folks.
First of all, study after study has shown men don't do anything close to 50% of the housework/childcare. I can find the links if you want. If a woman works while raising a family, the job becomes in addition to childcare/housework.
I'm a dad who works from home F/T and I would say 8 out of 10 parents who show up to school events during the day are moms. There are also designated "class moms" with no regard to the male caretakers out there. I have no doubt that the dads barely partake in the child activities save for taking them to sports, etc. But why is it that the women stay at home by default so much? Is it because they are naturally the caregivers (more comfortable with doing it) or is it because not many have even attempted to climb a corporate ladder? I get the feeling for as much as women would like men to experience their role, they still want to be the ones doing it.
As for the other subject, since I'm home all the time, I don't mind doing like 80% of everything. Perhaps the women out there who want their husbands to do more just want them to get a feel for their hardship. I can see it both ways - both roles can be under-appreciated.
I think that the consensus among most people is that women usually raise the kids and need some kind of job to work a few days a week to help out. This day and age it takes both spouses to pull the load. The days of a woman sitting home with kids is almost a thing of the past. I'm speaking of middle class and lower. The wealthy can always afford a wife sitting home.
To the OP: you're asking two questions. The first is: Do women get more leeway when it comes to not having a great job than men? The answer is to that one is: not when it comes to your parents!
But the other question you're asking is a little more complex. It's sad here in the US that we only judge people by the amount of money they make, instead of by the kind of people they are. When it comes to jobs, all you hear about are careers, careers, careers. There was a job show host once who won my heart, because what he said was that not everyone wanted, or needed, a career. That sometimes what some people wanted was just a job. With a job, you get up, you go in to work your 8 hours, and then go home again. The amount of energy you expended on your job was minimal in terms of stress and when you got home, you didn't collapse on the sofa all worn out. Instead you go home with energy to do the other things that you enjoy more than working and that you might not be able to do if you worked an 80 hr/week "career".
I also read a story once about a woman who used to be a highly paid executive and dumped it for a minimum wage job. She enjoyed it because she had much less stress working her minimum wage job, and most importantly, when she was off, she was off. She didn't bring her work home with her and didn't have to think about it again until she went to work the next day. How many people can say that?
I understand those two people completely, because I worked for $5.50 an hour at 7-11 for 4 years and that was the job I enjoyed the most. I worked by myself on grave and I was totally in control of the store. I might have been a small turd in a small toilet bowl, but by God, I was the turd in charge. I think if you are able to support yourself on a minimum wage or low paying job and it's one that suits you, then you're fine. And you're certainly not a loser. What you probably are is a person who has a life outside of work. That's to be congratulated, not looked down on.
And if there anyone does look down on you solely because of how much money you make, there's 2 things you need to keep in mind: #1) do you really want to get involved or be friends with someone who has such a lack of class? and 2) there's two words you can use when they question your worth as a person: &%$^ you.
Most of my wealthy friends who work long houses refused to marry a women with a good career who did not want to be a SAHM.
My one buddy was actually a single senior big four partner making 550K a year when he got engaged to a girl who was a "store clerk" in a fashion store eleven years younger.
A few girls he worked with were kinda furious. You know Senior Managers, New Partners, Ivy League schools, MBAs, CPAs etc. But he was like I want a clean house, hot meal on table, girl who can go to gym, keep up her looks, ready with a glass of wine for me and looking nice when I get home.
I dont want to come home to a dirty house, a illegal nanny, kids in day care sick all the time and an older out of shape wife complaining about her day at work.
It was like he lit off a bomb!!! Apparently the 39 year old man just wanted a hot girl who was 28. And guess what the week before he got engaged he asked if they got engaged would she quit her job that day so she has time to do wedding planning, shopping while he was at work so he would not be dragged to this stuff on his days off. And she did.
So it is a huge plus to have a lesser career if a lady and you want a successful man
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