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I didn't bother to read any of this thread, nor will I come back to read responses. This is just my opinion, based on my experiences.
First, forget all that stuff about how a job builds character, builds self-esteem, develops responsibility, etc, etc. That's exactly what I thought when I encouraged both my teens to get PT jobs while still in high school. For them, that was the worst advice I ever gave.
First, realize the world today is NOT like our world when their age. Much has changed.
First, kids in HS are simply too young to benefit from the "experience" of a PT job. At that age, they need more parenting and time with the parents, they will "grow up" soon enough.
PT jobs in today's world expose kids to experiences, lifestyles, influences they shouldn't be exposed to for at least another few years. I began to lose control over my kids when they started working. I didn't approve of their schedules or the type of people they were associating with, but it slipped through my fingers. They also didn't need the money they earned, its not like we were poor. I'd hoped they would put money aside for college and a car, but they just piddled through it---and yes, we set an example, we helped each kid open a checking/savings account, had them take classes on how to manage bank accounts, suggested how much to set aside for college, car, etc.....we're not white trash living off a gubernmint check.
Both kids were exposed to an element of society we didn't care for. We didn't know at the time, but many of such entry-level jobs---mainly fast food---are staffed by programs paid for through the state for various types of rehab---probation, parolees, etc. We certainly didn't want our kids hanging around such influences.
Don't bother to bash me for poor parenting---in that regard, you'd be right. We didn't realize what type of atmosphere our kids would be immersed in. Actually, how could we know? It never occurred to us to ask the store manager---BTW, do you hire dropouts, people on various state sponsored rehab programs, etc, etc?
The money the kids earned gave them a level of independence and freedom they couldn't handle at that point. Oh, yes, I know, if I had raised them right, they could have handled it, but not at that age. All in good time..... my daughter was earning $800/month, waaaaay more than a 16-year old girl needs in her pocket. Let's say she made bad choices with that money, because she was given such choices before she was ready to handle them.
Obviously, if she made that much, she was working too much, although she continued to make excellent grades, so, we figured it wasn't interfering with school, so it must be ok. What we didn't realize was, it interfered with parent time. Instead of working her tail off at some FF joint, she needed "mom time" she needed to be with me. That doesn't necessarily mean doing planned, structured activities. Just hanging with me, shopping, housework, gardening, etc. She needed more of my influence, not the influence of a bunch of losers at a greasy dive!
Go ahead and criticize, it doesn't bother me, because I see it myself and am willing to share my experiences for the sake of other parents. There's a big difference between 16 and 18. Those few years are critical. Those are the years your child is turning the bend into adulthood and wants to shake you off while they spread their wings, but those are the years they need you the most.
There will be plenty of time to work once they graduate HS. Let them have this time to grow with you by their side. Its not only the best for them, it will make letting go easier for you. Right now I feel both my kids left for a long journey without packing their suitcases. You need to pack those suitcases together-----
I didn't bother to read any of this thread, nor will I come back to read responses. This is just my opinion, based on my experiences.
First, forget all that stuff about how a job builds character, builds self-esteem, develops responsibility, etc, etc. That's exactly what I thought when I encouraged both my teens to get PT jobs while still in high school. For them, that was the worst advice I ever gave.
First, realize the world today is NOT like our world when their age. Much has changed.
First, kids in HS are simply too young to benefit from the "experience" of a PT job. At that age, they need more parenting and time with the parents, they will "grow up" soon enough.
PT jobs in today's world expose kids to experiences, lifestyles, influences they shouldn't be exposed to for at least another few years. I began to lose control over my kids when they started working. I didn't approve of their schedules or the type of people they were associating with, but it slipped through my fingers. They also didn't need the money they earned, its not like we were poor. I'd hoped they would put money aside for college and a car, but they just piddled through it---and yes, we set an example, we helped each kid open a checking/savings account, had them take classes on how to manage bank accounts, suggested how much to set aside for college, car, etc.....we're not white trash living off a gubernmint check.
Both kids were exposed to an element of society we didn't care for. We didn't know at the time, but many of such entry-level jobs---mainly fast food---are staffed by programs paid for through the state for various types of rehab---probation, parolees, etc. We certainly didn't want our kids hanging around such influences.
Don't bother to bash me for poor parenting---in that regard, you'd be right. We didn't realize what type of atmosphere our kids would be immersed in. Actually, how could we know? It never occurred to us to ask the store manager---BTW, do you hire dropouts, people on various state sponsored rehab programs, etc, etc?
The money the kids earned gave them a level of independence and freedom they couldn't handle at that point. Oh, yes, I know, if I had raised them right, they could have handled it, but not at that age. All in good time..... my daughter was earning $800/month, waaaaay more than a 16-year old girl needs in her pocket. Let's say she made bad choices with that money, because she was given such choices before she was ready to handle them.
Obviously, if she made that much, she was working too much, although she continued to make excellent grades, so, we figured it wasn't interfering with school, so it must be ok. What we didn't realize was, it interfered with parent time. Instead of working her tail off at some FF joint, she needed "mom time" she needed to be with me. That doesn't necessarily mean doing planned, structured activities. Just hanging with me, shopping, housework, gardening, etc. She needed more of my influence, not the influence of a bunch of losers at a greasy dive!
Go ahead and criticize, it doesn't bother me, because I see it myself and am willing to share my experiences for the sake of other parents. There's a big difference between 16 and 18. Those few years are critical. Those are the years your child is turning the bend into adulthood and wants to shake you off while they spread their wings, but those are the years they need you the most.
There will be plenty of time to work once they graduate HS. Let them have this time to grow with you by their side. Its not only the best for them, it will make letting go easier for you. Right now I feel both my kids left for a long journey without packing their suitcases. You need to pack those suitcases together-----
You do realize that they are exposed to all those unsavory types of people at school too, right? You can't protect them forever. And if $800 was way too much money for them to handle, why didn't you make them pay for things like their cell phone and car insurance with that money? That would eat a big chunk out of it and teach them that things like that cost money.
First, realize the world today is NOT like our world when their age. Much has changed.
First, kids in HS are simply too young to benefit from the "experience" of a PT job. At that age, they need more parenting and time with the parents, they will "grow up" soon enough.
PT jobs in today's world expose kids to experiences, lifestyles, influences they shouldn't be exposed to for at least another few years. I began to lose control over my kids when they started working. I didn't approve of their schedules or the type of people they were associating with, but it slipped through my fingers. They also didn't need the money they earned, its not like we were poor. I'd hoped they would put money aside for college and a car, but they just piddled through it---and yes, we set an example, we helped each kid open a checking/savings account, had them take classes on how to manage bank accounts, suggested how much to set aside for college, car, etc.....we're not white trash living off a gubernmint check.
Both kids were exposed to an element of society we didn't care for. We didn't know at the time, but many of such entry-level jobs---mainly fast food---are staffed by programs paid for through the state for various types of rehab---probation, parolees, etc. We certainly didn't want our kids hanging around such influences.
I don't disagree. In my high school we had regular fights, riots, stabbings, and assaults. I saw drug deals happen on my bus on a regular basis. My senior year, my school instituted a no standing policy because so many female students were reporting being groped while passing in the hallways and doorways (guys would literally stand in the doors as you passed through). These days, it's different, but the unsavory element is just unsavory in a different way. It's not gone or worse. Your kids are exposed to it in school, even if you're not "white trash living off a gubernmint check." Even wealthy schools have unsavory elements. Wealthy kids have far more money to spend on drugs and engage in other activities that need a cash flow. Just because your children don't have jobs doesn't mean they can't hang out with those school friends with money who do the very same things the coworkers do.
If nothing else, the workload of homework is worse than in the past. I know that I was in honors classes and didn't have to work. A girl I know did and she was up to 3 or later and was sleepy in class a few days because of it.
BTW, it's a sad fact that many of the restaurant jobs, especially at the bigger chains, are going to illegals (or, if not, people who went to college only to gipped by guys hiring H1Bs or whatnot and end up in a McJob to make ends meet. That, and the labor laws are stronger than in the past, making it harder to get hired. Also, silly laws also get into the way of lawnmowing and other things too.)
I didn't bother to read any of this thread, nor will I come back to read responses. This is just my opinion, based on my experiences.
First, forget all that stuff about how a job builds character, builds self-esteem, develops responsibility, etc, etc. That's exactly what I thought when I encouraged both my teens to get PT jobs while still in high school. For them, that was the worst advice I ever gave.
First, realize the world today is NOT like our world when their age. Much has changed.
First, kids in HS are simply too young to benefit from the "experience" of a PT job. At that age, they need more parenting and time with the parents, they will "grow up" soon enough.
PT jobs in today's world expose kids to experiences, lifestyles, influences they shouldn't be exposed to for at least another few years. I began to lose control over my kids when they started working. I didn't approve of their schedules or the type of people they were associating with, but it slipped through my fingers. They also didn't need the money they earned, its not like we were poor. I'd hoped they would put money aside for college and a car, but they just piddled through it---and yes, we set an example, we helped each kid open a checking/savings account, had them take classes on how to manage bank accounts, suggested how much to set aside for college, car, etc.....we're not white trash living off a gubernmint check.
Both kids were exposed to an element of society we didn't care for. We didn't know at the time, but many of such entry-level jobs---mainly fast food---are staffed by programs paid for through the state for various types of rehab---probation, parolees, etc. We certainly didn't want our kids hanging around such influences.
Don't bother to bash me for poor parenting---in that regard, you'd be right. We didn't realize what type of atmosphere our kids would be immersed in. Actually, how could we know? It never occurred to us to ask the store manager---BTW, do you hire dropouts, people on various state sponsored rehab programs, etc, etc?
The money the kids earned gave them a level of independence and freedom they couldn't handle at that point. Oh, yes, I know, if I had raised them right, they could have handled it, but not at that age. All in good time..... my daughter was earning $800/month, waaaaay more than a 16-year old girl needs in her pocket. Let's say she made bad choices with that money, because she was given such choices before she was ready to handle them.
Obviously, if she made that much, she was working too much, although she continued to make excellent grades, so, we figured it wasn't interfering with school, so it must be ok. What we didn't realize was, it interfered with parent time. Instead of working her tail off at some FF joint, she needed "mom time" she needed to be with me. That doesn't necessarily mean doing planned, structured activities. Just hanging with me, shopping, housework, gardening, etc. She needed more of my influence, not the influence of a bunch of losers at a greasy dive!
Go ahead and criticize, it doesn't bother me, because I see it myself and am willing to share my experiences for the sake of other parents. There's a big difference between 16 and 18. Those few years are critical. Those are the years your child is turning the bend into adulthood and wants to shake you off while they spread their wings, but those are the years they need you the most.
There will be plenty of time to work once they graduate HS. Let them have this time to grow with you by their side. Its not only the best for them, it will make letting go easier for you. Right now I feel both my kids left for a long journey without packing their suitcases. You need to pack those suitcases together-----
Far be it from me to criticize, because every family is unique, but this has not been my experience. I think my kids benefited tremendously from summer and holiday employment. While my first kid worked sun up to sun down all summer long to buy a car and bolster his college savings, my second kid has parlayed her high school job experience into a plan for university studies and eventual career. She also saves money like it's going out of style. I've never worried about what the above post describes and certainly haven't seen evidence that either of them has been associating with people of whom I would not approve. In fact, second kid works with mostly retired professionals; she's one of only a handful of employees under the age of forty.
I guess it depends on the financial situation of the family, my 14 works full time in the summer, and my 16 year old has worked part time thru high school since he was 14. Both of them are in the National Honors Soceity.
We can't afford to pay for car insurance and a car plus regular bills like food, my 16 year old plays football and basketball, he is 6'3" and 210lbs, just feeding him is an enormous expense even with my wife and I working full time and close to 60 hours a week with 2nd jobs.
We live in a small house and haven't had a vacation in 3 years, our cars are older, so are our phones, the kids have phones they pay for themselves. It is what it is, we get by, barely, check to check.
I almost forgot, they both wear hearing aids that cost 5 grand a pair, health insurance doesn't cover hearing aids, if we were rich they would have the best hearing aids, if we were on welfare, they would have great hearing aids, if we had national healthcare, again, great hearing aids, but alas we don't. Through it all they have learned valuable lessons, get good jobs and makes lots of money, cause this country has no room for anything less.
Yes. Because one shouldn't cripple one's children by making their lives easy. A job gives an adolescent all kinds of benefits.
1) Children who learn to work a job learn to be accountable. They learn to budget their time. They learn to be self-directed, task-oriented, and how to work with others. If they don't do their job at home, they get fussed at or maybe grounded. If they don't do their job at school, they get a bad grade. If they don't do their job at work, they get fired.
2) They learn the value of money, because they actually earned it. You know that iPhone with the shattered screen because they took it out of its Otterbox? Well, it's going to cost THEM, not you, $100+ to fix. Suddenly, when they realize they've worked 10-15 hours to repair something that they should have cared for better, they suddenly start taking better care of their stuff. When my son started delivering pizzas, you wouldn't believe how quickly he started learning which gas stations had the best prices. That 10¢ a gallon difference suddenly isn't so trivial anymore.
3) They learn self-esteem. My first real job was at Arby's. It wasn't fun, but I learned to do my job well. When I was 17, I was running the shift when the manager wasn't there. Got Employee of the Month a couple of times along with a $20 bill for my efforts. It wasn't much money, but it told me that I had ability to actually do good work.
4) They develop an identity outside of being a dependent on their parents. This should be self-explanatory. When I was a freshman in college, I scored a job as copy boy at the local daily. I was interested in journalism and, over a few months, I bamboozled the managing editor into letting me cover things such as fires and wrecks. By the time I ended my freshman year, I had a byline in the paper. My professors would actually read my story in the morning paper and comment on it in class. Let me tell you, that was amazing thing.
I didn't bother to read any of this thread, nor will I come back to read responses. This is just my opinion, based on my experiences.
First, forget all that stuff about how a job builds character, builds self-esteem, develops responsibility, etc, etc. That's exactly what I thought when I encouraged both my teens to get PT jobs while still in high school. For them, that was the worst advice I ever gave.
First, realize the world today is NOT like our world when their age. Much has changed.
First, kids in HS are simply too young to benefit from the "experience" of a PT job. At that age, they need more parenting and time with the parents, they will "grow up" soon enough.
PT jobs in today's world expose kids to experiences, lifestyles, influences they shouldn't be exposed to for at least another few years. I began to lose control over my kids when they started working. I didn't approve of their schedules or the type of people they were associating with, but it slipped through my fingers. They also didn't need the money they earned, its not like we were poor. I'd hoped they would put money aside for college and a car, but they just piddled through it---and yes, we set an example, we helped each kid open a checking/savings account, had them take classes on how to manage bank accounts, suggested how much to set aside for college, car, etc.....we're not white trash living off a gubernmint check.
Both kids were exposed to an element of society we didn't care for. We didn't know at the time, but many of such entry-level jobs---mainly fast food---are staffed by programs paid for through the state for various types of rehab---probation, parolees, etc. We certainly didn't want our kids hanging around such influences.
Don't bother to bash me for poor parenting---in that regard, you'd be right. We didn't realize what type of atmosphere our kids would be immersed in. Actually, how could we know? It never occurred to us to ask the store manager---BTW, do you hire dropouts, people on various state sponsored rehab programs, etc, etc?
The money the kids earned gave them a level of independence and freedom they couldn't handle at that point. Oh, yes, I know, if I had raised them right, they could have handled it, but not at that age. All in good time..... my daughter was earning $800/month, waaaaay more than a 16-year old girl needs in her pocket. Let's say she made bad choices with that money, because she was given such choices before she was ready to handle them.
Obviously, if she made that much, she was working too much, although she continued to make excellent grades, so, we figured it wasn't interfering with school, so it must be ok. What we didn't realize was, it interfered with parent time. Instead of working her tail off at some FF joint, she needed "mom time" she needed to be with me. That doesn't necessarily mean doing planned, structured activities. Just hanging with me, shopping, housework, gardening, etc. She needed more of my influence, not the influence of a bunch of losers at a greasy dive!
Go ahead and criticize, it doesn't bother me, because I see it myself and am willing to share my experiences for the sake of other parents. There's a big difference between 16 and 18. Those few years are critical. Those are the years your child is turning the bend into adulthood and wants to shake you off while they spread their wings, but those are the years they need you the most.
There will be plenty of time to work once they graduate HS. Let them have this time to grow with you by their side. Its not only the best for them, it will make letting go easier for you. Right now I feel both my kids left for a long journey without packing their suitcases. You need to pack those suitcases together-----
You're kidding, right?
Gotta say it. As a parent of three children, two of whom are older than yours, you are doing your child no favors.
The longer you keep your child in that insulated little bubble, the less equipped your child will be to make wise decisions when she no longer has you hovering above her sprinkling pixie dust everywhere. My wife's best friend is like that. She would let her straight-A student have a job. Her job was to go to school, do cheerleading, and have a boyfriend. Same thing when she went to college. She left college and -- guess what? -- she was completely ill equipped to function in the world.
You seem to have a problem with balance. If your daughter was working too many hours, then it's perfectly appropriate to say so. But don't kid yourself. Banning your daughter from working was all about you, not her. It's about maintaining control, rather than allowing her some limited autonomy. And as for all those unsavory characters lurking behind every lamppost, trust me. They are roaming the halls of your daughter's school, too. Maybe even the youth minister at your church.
My daughter had a job when she was 16. She didn't blow her money on alcohol or drugs. She saved most of it and splurged with a fair portion. She learned how to balance a checking account, she learned how to file taxes, and she learned how to budget. Yeah, she made a couple of mistakes along the way, but none of them were particularly bad. And she learned a great deal from those mistakes. Today, a rising senior in college, she works a couple of gigs, pays for her extras, makes deans list, and has won a research grant.
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