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i just got my annual eval and the lowest score i had was for communication. wow! some of those millenials must be so sensitive that they can't handle some crisp/blunt instructions/notifications/information from me. i'm not the super-friendly type, not the most communicative, but try to put out the necessary information to my coworkers as much as possible.
So they expect you to now suddenly come in and be all fake so they can give you a "higher score" in the future...I just don't choose to do this anymore. Offices are bizarre. And let's start a thread about office romances...
Women do have to jump through hoops that men don't. Back when I was young and interviewing for admin and receptionist jobs, the recruiter would tell me "they want someone to be a cheerleader" or "you have to be chatty and friendly" and one told me that the boss wanted a young lady to be "bubbly" and also got specific about the appearance of the woman, she must have shiny hair (not dried out looking). It wasn't and still isn't unusual for older women to be replaced by younger women in these jobs.
And this was circa 1988 to 1992, women were expected to wear pantyhose and high heels to work every day. After walking around in high heels all day, my feet hurt; eventually I had to have foot surgery.
Oh lord, the "bubbly" thing.
I worked in a bank branch a while back. The manager (bleach blonde who regularly wore high heel boots with fishnet stockings) was always on me to be more "bubbly". She also wanted me to "dress sexier".
I'm sorry. I don't think so.
After a while, she noticed people kept mistaking me as the branch manager. I tended to dress in formal suits, was very knowledgeable and behaved in a professional manner. The business owners and wealthy clients gravitated toward me. They referred their friends and business partners to me. I got a lot of business that way.
Eventually, she said, "You know what? Don't change your style. The customers see you as elegant and classy. You fill a niche around here."
Imagine that. I filled the non-ditzy niche. In a bank.
So they expect you to now suddenly come in and be all fake so they can give you a "higher score" in the future...I just don't choose to do this anymore. Offices are bizarre. And let's start a thread about office romances...
and i never really got immediate feedback from those people who complained about how i communicate to them. i only got to know about it in the annual eval. it feels so rigged and fishy. the rest of my eval have been stellar, it almost feels like my teamleader only dinged me on that just so she has something to lower my score and not really give me a lot of raise. it's not fair to tell people of their mistakes at annual evals only. it doesn't give them a chance to correct themselves throughout the year. how are we supposed to know that we offended someone in some way without being notified of such? it's mostly women at work, so i think it has something to do with that. men never really brought up such issues. men mostly are concerned about how to make things go more easily. again, women have to jump through hoops (and my TL is female too).
i guess i have to take on the southern charm too. people up north didn't really have much issues with my personality there because they're used to the blunt/crisp way of communicating. not so here in the south.
You nailed it with the "north/south" thing. Not only do our styles differ, some are still holding a grudge from the Civil War. I once mentioned to a coworker where I was born, and she said, "Oh; THAT'S it!" I notice women are also excessively fond of potlucks in the south. Give me northern bluntness over southern hospitality any day. At least then you know where you really stand with someone.
You nailed it with the "north/south" thing. Not only do our styles differ, some are still holding a grudge from the Civil War. I once mentioned to a coworker where I was born, and she said, "Oh; THAT'S it!" I notice women are also excessively fond of potlucks in the south. Give me northern bluntness over southern hospitality any day. At least then you know where you really stand with someone.
oh the potlucks! if they notice you don't contribute to such, the people will make a note of that and start not to approach you for different things like work ideas/projects to hanging out.
i have already taken on "y'all" since most people here seem to be slighted by just "you" or "you guys". i guess i should start taking on "oh, bless your heart", "sweetheart", "hello sunshine!"
That's really quite serious because an element of confidentially should really be expected and most bosses would have the courtesy to not spill the beans on your private life. Yes you may be a little more shy or distant than others but that is how you feel most comfortable. Also you are not so deeply rooted together than your other co-workers and can't expect the same relationship.
I would try to have an honest conversation with your boss and say that you love your job but that you were offended at how your personal business was leaked out. Even though it may have been done with the best of intentions, it was intrusive, hurtful, and painful, and you wouldn't have done it yourself in the same position. See how your boss reacts. If they are sorry, then they are sorry. If they are sorry with conditions, write a complaint to HR. You have to show no tolerance to such behavior. They might be good people but they may still need a wake-up call to leave others alone.
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Give me northern bluntness over southern hospitality any day. At least then you know where you really stand with someone.
