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I have been working in an upscale restaurant for all of two weeks and the lead hostess manner of management is to nit pick and scream at me in front of guests.
Case in point: Last night we were very busy and I sat two different parties at the wrong tables. I realized that I had made a mistake and owned up to it with the lead hostess and with the manager on duty. The manager on duty said no worries....no one died, got cancer etc etc. I informed him that I would again come in early to walk the tables to get those table numbers in my head. I am OK but the last two night were extremely busy and I got a bit flustered. I also got flustered because the lead hostess screamed at me twice, once in front of guests that I was taking to the outside patio. She did not like that I was going to take them through the main dining room. She screamed at me to take them through the bar much to the shock of the guests whom I was going to seat. The guests, who are regulars, told me that going through the main dining room was just fine. So the guests were trying to help me not feel so badly at the lead hostess screaming at me. She also got in my face and started upbraiding me for behavior I am still unsure of...all I know is she gave me an upbraiding for not understanding the importance of this being an upscale restaurant. This upbraiding was done in front of the new hire who also happens to be an old friend of the General Manager of this restaurant...she remarked to me....this is getting very interesting. So she saw the lead hostess bully me and the new hire is coddled...because she is a long time friend of the GM and I am not.
The beauty of all this is that I took by phone a party of eight that I proceeded to log into the computer for the next night. She said she would do it. But she did not do it and threw the reservation in the trash. I just happened to want to see how many covers we have for Sunday and noted that there was no reservation in the system for the party of eight I took. Me and another hostess went through the trash and found the reservation and logged it in. This was after I was reamed for not knowing all the table numbers by heart. I was not allowed to use a cheat sheet but was counseled by the assistant manager to come in a little early to walk the tables. For which I have and will do when I go back in on Monday.
So what should I do. I know this woman has taken a deep dislike to me and thinks that she can push me around and holler at me in front of the well healed guests. But she can also throw away a party of eight which would have been a mini disaster when they showed up and nothing was set for them.
Should I go to the GM and ask that if she has complaints about my performance she should discuss it with him and then he can discuss it with me. As an aside, which I know I intend to do is to inform the GM that it is not acceptable for her to holler at me in front of guests. She will surely hate me then but a bully is a bully and she is bullying me big time.
Just IMO but I would caution to make so many presumptions after only two weeks. A rude, abrasive coworker does not = bullying. It's a conflict. Obviously, she has poor skills to do that in front of customers, but at the end of the day, you aren't her supervisor and you're brand newm. So do your job, watch your back, and keep an eye out for another job. If a new employee approached me and called this bullying, I'd write them off as "can't handle basic conflict resolution" and send them packing. Good luck to you but don't fuss too much about a "big fish in a small pond".
Yes, the new hire that is a personal friend of the GM and the other hostesses. Please note that I am 61, the lead hostess is close to my age and the personal friend of the GM is closer to late thirties.
And I don't need the money but I like the job and the management. The real management. This is fun money and I am sure the lead hostess is aware of that.
Aliss2...what do you mean by
conflict is not necessarily bullying when the guests are trying to make it up to me by saying, Yes, you could have sent us through here. The lead hostess is all for sucking up to our well healed guests, which is part of the job....and I would never be so stupid to call her a bully, at least not to the management.
No matter what she does just nod and smile and say okay. Then go back to doing your job. Don't raise your voice and try not to let her see you emotionally shaken. If you are always polite and nice and just keep doing your job and getting better at it all people will see is her bad behavior and you just doing your job.
A woman I worked with years ago ,at a restaurant, had a saying. "The weeds will weed themselves out." Funny thing was, less than a year later she quit. Guess she was right. I was there for another 9 years.
I'd say suck it up because she isn't going to change after all this time
if you need to know the table numbers, take a copy/draw one, and take it home and look over it for a hour or two
honestly, you just aren't cut out for the job. You run into this kind of "drama"/"personality" at every restaurant outside of small family owned one where there are only a few wait staff. And the only reason the drama is low there is because there isn't enough people to kick it up.
Look for another line of work, it isn't even like they make much, $200-300 on a good night, $100-200 on a bad night, average around $200/8 hour shift = $25/hour. You can pretty much throw a dart these days and get a job paying that now. Yes, I know experienced people can make more, you aren't experienced judging by your lack of maturity in dealing with other people. If she really is the lead hostess, she can stop putting people at your tables, give known good tippers to other tables, and you'll end up making <$100/night. That's what you will encounter if you can't figure out how to get along with people.
So what if you tell GM? She'll deny it, and you'll make some excuse and it is endless bickering. Get over it, you aren't in school anymore, grow up. No one is going to coddle you or your feelings. You do know that being a bully isn't "illegal" nor is it "unethical" right, so on what grounds would she get punished? Because it is bad for PR? So is what you did too when it comes down to it. You didn't even have "goal" in mind for complaining to GM. You want her to apologize for hurting your feelings? Promise she won't bully you again? Maybe get a time out in the corner?
know why she may have thrown away the reservation? because it wasn't needed, she may have known that there would be enough tables for 8 people regardless, and it would not be a "disaster" as you put it. Bet you didn't even try to ask for her reason, and just took it personally. Her job as a hostess involves reservations, not your job or worry. Let her do her job
edit: and yeah, the service industry forms around cliches, they are friends of friends throughout the area. They tend to job hop at a dime because someone they know can get them in somewhere. It's just how things work. Not just in the US but world wide. They find people they like, bring them in, and that's that. Reason she may not like you could be simple as her friend didn't get the job that you took. Nothing you can do about it, don't bother confronting her over it because it won't get better. One of you will be gone eventually and that will be the end of it.
I have been working in an upscale restaurant for all of two weeks and the lead hostess manner of management is to nit pick and scream at me in front of guests.
Case in point: Last night we were very busy and I sat two different parties at the wrong tables. I realized that I had made a mistake and owned up to it with the lead hostess and with the manager on duty. The manager on duty said no worries....no one died, got cancer etc etc. I informed him that I would again come in early to walk the tables to get those table numbers in my head. I am OK but the last two night were extremely busy and I got a bit flustered. I also got flustered because the lead hostess screamed at me twice, once in front of guests that I was taking to the outside patio. She did not like that I was going to take them through the main dining room. She screamed at me to take them through the bar much to the shock of the guests whom I was going to seat. The guests, who are regulars, told me that going through the main dining room was just fine. So the guests were trying to help me not feel so badly at the lead hostess screaming at me. She also got in my face and started upbraiding me for behavior I am still unsure of...all I know is she gave me an upbraiding for not understanding the importance of this being an upscale restaurant. This upbraiding was done in front of the new hire who also happens to be an old friend of the General Manager of this restaurant...she remarked to me....this is getting very interesting. So she saw the lead hostess bully me and the new hire is coddled...because she is a long time friend of the GM and I am not.
The beauty of all this is that I took by phone a party of eight that I proceeded to log into the computer for the next night. She said she would do it. But she did not do it and threw the reservation in the trash. I just happened to want to see how many covers we have for Sunday and noted that there was no reservation in the system for the party of eight I took. Me and another hostess went through the trash and found the reservation and logged it in. This was after I was reamed for not knowing all the table numbers by heart. I was not allowed to use a cheat sheet but was counseled by the assistant manager to come in a little early to walk the tables. For which I have and will do when I go back in on Monday.
So what should I do. I know this woman has taken a deep dislike to me and thinks that she can push me around and holler at me in front of the well healed guests. But she can also throw away a party of eight which would have been a mini disaster when they showed up and nothing was set for them.
Should I go to the GM and ask that if she has complaints about my performance she should discuss it with him and then he can discuss it with me. As an aside, which I know I intend to do is to inform the GM that it is not acceptable for her to holler at me in front of guests. She will surely hate me then but a bully is a bully and she is bullying me big time.
What say you?
TMKSarah
First, stop screwing up, not knowing table numbers after two weeks is unacceptable. Screaming at you, especially in front of customers is not in any way okay, but at this point you are a subpar employee, who is fubarring the system.
Second, decide if this place is worth it. If yes, learn to deal with her, I am sure this is not new behavior from her, so management and the GM tolerates it. You are not in position to tell management how to deal with their employees, especially when you are new, screwing up, and she is higher than you. You can tell anybody you like (GM, Owner, etc..) but chances are they know and don't care, so it is just going to make your life miserable. This is not a good way to run a business, but it is the reality of the situation.
If this place is not worth it, find another job.
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I was there for another 9 years.