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I am curious. Why do you continue to talk to her, when she belittles you, and you say she knows nothing about your job? It sounds like there's no need for her input at all.
Does she work for you?
I should have clarified this from the beginning
I design equipment with several other guys, and once it's designed, she takes over and gets it "certified"
She's known for crossing the line and try to tell us (nit-picking) how to do our job .... but it always goes down to .... she want us to make her job easier, even if it doesn't make a lot of sense.
Not my boss, co-worker
but at times, comes across as if she swears that she's above us (design team)
when she wants something done she says "The boss said .... " and I started telling her "Well, tell him to come and tell me"
How do you deal with a disrespectful female coworker?
I have a coworker that I find very disrespectful
It took me a long time to notice it, because she's a woman
My male coworkers are always very respectful
That's when I began to see how disrespectful she is
To put it in few words, she always talks to me as if I was her son
Always belittle any issue I have and try to tell me how to do my job ... even though she knows nothing about it
everybody complains about work, she complains about work just like anybody else When I complain about my work, she always says "We are all going through the same thing" Anytime I tell her an issue with my work, she tells me "You need to ... and make sure that you ...." even though I know it's not my fault, but somebody else Anytime I tell her how to do something, she says "Anyways" and moves on to say how she wants things to be done
Sometimes talking to me, taps the desk with her nails as saying "I want things done this way"
Other times she is going to show me a piece of paper and snaps it before showing me something
Based on her ....
All my issues at work are my fault
All her issues at work, are other people's fault
Keep in mind,
My male coworkers are the complete opposite
To the point that i feel they call me "Sir" way too much
If she was a man, I would have told her to go and f.... herself a long time ago
Obviously, I can't say that ... and I bet she knows that and takes advantage of it
Why are you doing all these things with a disrespectful co worker?
And just no with the "go to HR." for every little thing! They aren't babysitters or your mom. Ugh.
Sounds like the best way to deal with it
I'll wait for something else to happen
The way I was dealing with it, was not to talk to her at all
But sometimes I have to talk to her because of work
Unless you are equal or senior to her, don't talk to HR. I worked in HR for a large institution a couple of years ago and they were very proud of the fact that all disputes had been settled in favor of the senior party.
Professional ethics typically requires that you first discuss the issue with the party with whom you have a dispute. Although it will be difficult, invite her to meet - perhaps over coffee - and let her know that although you value her mentoring approach, you sometimes feel a bit smothered and ill informed after your meetings. Try to bring a lightness to what it is that doesn't sit well with you, be constructive, take the same parenting tone with her that she takes with you. Make suggestions about how to improve communication. For example, if she is commenting on a document but does not provide a copy to you, it's difficult to follow up and make changes. Request copies of documents where she has feedback that requires you to act.
Document your discussion. If nothing changes, take it one level up. Be clear that although you value the mentoring, it has the feel of parenting and that this makes you uncomfortable. It's possible that she means well, may even have a son close to your age, ad has blurred the boundaries.
Professional ethics typically requires that you first discuss the issue with the party with whom you have a dispute. Although it will be difficult, invite her to meet - perhaps over coffee - and let her know that although you value her mentoring approach, you sometimes feel a bit smothered and ill informed after your meetings. Try to bring a lightness to what it is that doesn't sit well with you, be constructive, take the same parenting tone with her that she takes with you. Make suggestions about how to improve communication. For example, if she is commenting on a document but does not provide a copy to you, it's difficult to follow up and make changes. Request copies of documents where she has feedback that requires you to act.
Document your discussion. If nothing changes, take it one level up. Be clear that although you value the mentoring, it has the feel of parenting and that this makes you uncomfortable. It's possible that she means well, may even have a son close to your age, ad has blurred the boundaries.
Yes, to all of this. In a professional work environment, you never tell anyone to "go [bleep]" and expect everything to blow over. If she is a peer, talk with her calmly about your expectations of the job and how you can best work together. I know we're not supposed to link to other sites, but the Ask A Manager blog is a great resource on what to say.
I should have clarified this from the beginning
I design equipment with several other guys, and once it's designed, she takes over and gets it "certified"
Perhaps she NEEDS details to be modified before they get certified. Or she can't get them certified because they lack some details?
So that's why she is telling you things has to be done certain way?
Bring your concerns to your boss, or her boss if she has a different one.
Another reason I brought this up
I was wondering if other people ran into a similar situation
Quote:
Originally Posted by elnina
Perhaps she NEEDS details to be modified before they get certified. Or she can't get them certified because they lack some details?
So that's why she is telling you things has to be done certain way?
Bring your concerns to your boss, or her boss if she has a different one.
1/2 of the time is reasonable
1/2 of the time is BS she wants done, just to make things easier for her
Perhaps she NEEDS details to be modified before they get certified. Or she can't get them certified because they lack some details?
So that's why she is telling you things has to be done certain way?
Bring your concerns to your boss, or her boss if she has a different one.
The problem with taking the concern to her manager/boss without discussing it first with her is that when her boss discusses it with her, she will honestly declare that it is the first she has heard of it. That immediately gets her off the hook, and puts the OP in a bad light of having gone behind her back to whine rather than to tackle the problem head on.
but she shouldn't drive the design with BS requests just to make her job easier
If she needs certain design requirements to make the project go more efficiently, then they're probably not BS.
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