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I was asked by my manager to go in a tour at a vendor. I was asked today for Oct 14-17th. It’s a 5 hour drive where I have to drive with someone I don’t know. I don’t want to go but will it look bad if I decline? I said my husband might be out of town (which isn’t true) so I need to be home for the dog but I’d let him know ASAP. Ugh. I feel so upset about this.
Whether or not it'll look bad really depends on the situation. If you are the primary contact for this vendor or the business owner for the process you reusing this vendor for, and this is an official business meeting/training. Then yea - that's not good. Also - this may be a good training opportunity. So if you don't go, you may find yourself at a disadvantage relative to your peers down the road.
On the flip side - I've had invites to vendor's open houses (or something similar) as part of their relationship management process. It's basically more of a social function than a true business function. If you're just being included because you're part of a team. Then it may not look AS bad.
That said - the real issue here is your "social anxiety". This isn't to say you are at fault or anything. But it's something you need to work on if you are in a role where business trips or meeting with vendors/clients may be part of the job.
I have anxiety and I've found that it's worse before whatever the event is than it is during the event itself. I've also found that skipping activities is not the answer. Once you do the thing that scares you, it makes it easier to do it next time.
Oddly enough, I also have a dog with special needs. I have found an amazing petsitter through Rover.com. She is part of a rescue organization and has experience with various needs. She does do in-home care but since my pup has separation anxiety, I had him stay at her house and he did much better than I thought he would. A vet tech in your home is another great option for a dog who needs medication.
Last year I had the opportunity to travel for three days with the agency I volunteer with. I literally knew no one else going. My heart was pounding out of my chest thinking about it but I knew I'd regret not going. So I did. And it was a great time. I flew alone so I had a few hours to decompress before and after the convention. They had assigned me a roommate, which I thought would be awkward, but it really wasn't. And the seminars themselves were mostly interesting. The food was really good. Three days of good food that I didn't cook... I'd go again just for that!
Just go! What's the worst thing that could happen? It's only three days. You can do anything for that finite period of time and chances are great that it will be easier and more enjoyable than you think.
I would also advocate for finding coping mechanisms for your anxiety. After I had my son I developed horrible postpartum anxiety and found seeing a counselor to be invaluable. I learned various coping mechanisms and still have an emergency stash of anxiety meds I can take if I truly feel like I need them.
I've had to travel with less than 24hr notice with a 4 month old at home before and made it work. I've also had to say no one time in 15+ years due to child care and got hell for it. But if both sets of grandparents, uncles/aunts and husband are out of the country at the same time then you really can't leave a 6 month old home alone. I will say that was the beginning of the end at that company for me (by my choice but the way they handled it spoke volumes about the culture). My boss actually had the audacity to say to me "just because you're a breeder" as part of that discussion.
So yeah, figure it out. Maybe say you want to drive separately so you can stop and visit a friend or something on the way or that you need to go from the conference to somewhere directly.
It looks bad. Refusing may not be an option if you want to keep your job.
LMAO at your username! bwahahahaha
Love it.
Sorry, carry on thread.
OP: You know the answer. That's why your asking. If you're so GD miserable, why NOT do this? Maybe it will be wait for it.... a GOOD TIME? I miss traveling for my job.
Did OP ever answer whether the job description included this type of travel?
Personally, I dislike work travel and made sure it was not a requirement of my job before accepting. I love personal travel, but work travel is more of a hassle than it's worth to me. But I would not except to say no to the elements of my job that I like less than others, as long as I knew going in that they would be required.
I was asked by my manager to go in a tour at a vendor. I was asked today for Oct 14-17th. It’s a 5 hour drive where I have to drive with someone I don’t know. I don’t want to go but will it look bad if I decline? I said my husband might be out of town (which isn’t true) so I need to be home for the dog but I’d let him know ASAP. Ugh. I feel so upset about this.
As a former manager, if I asked and you declined I would find someone else or go alone. I personally would not hold it against you, but I guess I would like to know why you refused for future references. If you're a person who doesn't like to travel for example, I would likely not ask you in the future.
Also, I don't like the idea of employees of the opposite sex riding that far in a car together. While it may be perfectly harmless, these days I think it unwise to do so. Before I retired, I wouldn't even ride 30 miles in the car with a female coworker.
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