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No one can, women or men. Women have been lied too about supermom. Men have known and made this trade off for decades. When we had kids, I made several conscious career decisions that I knew would be career limiting. I spent time coaching soccer and Little League. Lots of hours in the bleachers and leading Scout trips. My oldest graduates college this month, while the youngest graduates high school. Those years were very short. I don't for one minute regret things I didn't do for my career; I do wish I could have done even more with my kids.
In contrast, one of my coworkers, made the opposite decision. Our kids are the same age, went to school together, etc. In those intervening years, he has moved up constantly. But he's missed a lot of little kid sports. Spent a lot of time on the road. Including a couple of year long assignments where he left the family here while he worked in another state and another country to fill a square on his resume.
You have to make the trade off. I picked one path, he picked another.
In your case, six years in a job is not a bad thing. That's just a current notion, esp from the IT industry, that people need to be moving a lot to move up. The real questions come down to whether you enjoy your job or whether you need to be doing something else, and then if you can get something else that will give you the same flexibility for your hours. Only you can decide that.
I was a part and parcel of the feminist movement in America from it's beginnings.
OP, I think there are two issues that are being conflated here. One is the nature and quality of your career and the other is motherhood. They overlap and affect each other, but not EXCLUSIVELY.
I had a long and most would say successful career in IT at a major bank in NYC and saw many well-paid and respected women flourish in that environment, both with and without children. I was childless and unmarried as I didn't swing that way, but I was in the minority.
The fact is, everyone can't move up .. it is not possible in a hierarchical structure like business.
You say you've reached your limits of ability.. that's fine.. but that may be why you've reached your career limit as well. And you are very stressed out about it, so some reflection on what it is you actually want, in the context of what you need AND what is attainable would be helpful.
Of course, that may be the hard part, as there are many factors to consider here.
But having the courage to set realistic expectations requires soul-searching honesty. It is way easier said than done.
I wish you luck.
P.S. As far a feminism goes, I think it went off the rails quite a few years ago, but I'm retired now and make my own tracks.
The biggest thing that you had a choice is 2 kids in your late 30s. Why didn't you stop at #1? It doesn't sound like you were prepared for the responsibility of 2, otherwise you would not be this concerned over your boss and the WFH policy. You would have found a role with a liberal WFH policy to accommodate, and delayed children until then.
OP, do NOT listen to this paternalistic bull. There is nothing wrong with your wanting to have two children - that is entirely normal and should be provided a level of support within the corporate structure. I'm sorry you're struggling with having hit a career plateau. Others have provided some helpful advice - but NOT this poster!
Do you have a Bachelor's degree? Could you maybe move into sales? Sorry, but most of customer service is outsourced to India nowadays and I'm afraid you won't find a job that pays decent in that field.
Could you maybe become a Medical Assistant? There's a high demand and you'd have more flexibility...
I feel the same as you so I understand the burn out. Been with the same accounting firm for 6 years and there's no growth, it's just SSDD except more workload because people have left the firm over the years.....
I have a masters. I dont foresee our company sending away all the customer service jobs we have now.
I would like to stay in a client facing role.
I do feel that I'm doing and have done something wrong. To be in the same role for 6 years and have found no use for my masters.
I will say that I dont think my job is the typical customer service job that people india are doing (not that there's a problem with that). but if you read my original post i'm not just sitting on the phone taking calls. There's actually no phone support at all, it's all over email.
What is wrong with working in a customer service/support role?
My skills are beyond just 'customer service'. I have project management skills, communications skills, I know a number of different SaaS and LMS systems, I have a good number of years experience in higher ed/ed tech.
Is it crazy to think at 40 i could get another job like this? everyone at my company who gets hired seems to be 25. The older people are in higher up positions. I feel like i've made my bed here and screwed myself because i had kids. I guess i should have solidified a career more before having them
My interests lean towards customer/client support, customer success, and relationship management. But it seems like these jobs are always entry level. WHY???
Also being in the same role for 6 years...doesnt this look bad??
No it's not crazy, there are temps here in their mid 40s who are working entry level positions, and nobody looks down on them. But yes, if you're not feeling challenged or valued enough, then why not find another company or a different direction?
Forget 6 years, some people spend their whole LIFE in the wrong job. And you have an enormous advantage of experience and self-control over people in their mid 20s. You won't have been the first person in the world to have invested in an an unsatisfying choice. If there's no progression where you are now, you just need to start looking for something else.
You have already told us, why you have not been promoted
My husband works a lot of crazy hours but we need my income. We get help from my parents for childcare and my DH is able to be home during the day, but I often have to leave work at 3, then I work from home once I'm home. My boss also allows me to work from home once a week.
I feel annoyed because my kids are a big reason i have to be home more often. I have an hour commute both ways and the WFH abusers are 25 and live 15 minutes away. quite honestly i'm not sure why my boss isnt more lenient about working from home, everything we do we can do from home and many people on our team are overseas. Feel like a bit of false urgency to have to be in the office mon thru friday 9-5.
To be promoted, you would be needed to work the entire shift at work, to be able to take on the responsibility of a management position. Taking off early, and working from home, disqualifies you from being promoted.
In addition to all this my boss assigns people to be SMEs in certain areas (subject matter experts). I was pretty excited about mine at first when he gave it to me a bit over a year ago but i feel like it's gone over my head. It deals with a different type of customer who typically connects to our site via a different LMS or API/direct integration. Pretty much anything i learn on it i'm expected to educate our team on it with documentation.
I dont feel like i've done that well with it even though I'd like to have more time for it. My main responsibilities have gotten harder. I had a teammate who decided to create her own position (even though it isnt created) and she basically abandoned this one queue we were working on together so now i'm in that queue myself. When i'm done with that queue which deals with enterprise/white label customers i'm expected to go back into the general queue to deal with issues there.
You say when you are given a little more work to do, you are not done well doing it well. When they try to give you more responsibility, you say you are not showing you can really handle more responsibility. That alone, say you are not qualified for promotion.
I dont know how my co workers have the time to do what they do...they are pretty amazing but they dont have kids...well one guy just had a baby so i think he's starting to learn what it's like...he is someone who i dont understand why is still there. He's been there 4 years, he's 42, he does SO MUCH and quite frankly makes everyone else looks like they suck. He seems to have no plans to leave even though he said he is frustrated and looking to do more. He is hoping to get promoted, but to what i dont know. He could probably make a lot more money somewhere else.
You say that others do a much better job than you are doing, and he is hoping for promotion. You are not working for promotion, and he is. He is the type of person a company looks for, and yes he will get the promotion instead of you.
I feel torn...i want more responsibilities but I feel strapped with work from my everyday job. I also kind of want to just leave and go somewhere else but I know i wont have the flexibility i have now at a new job. I also know my boss could care less about me. He never asks my help or advice, doesnt care what i have to say, always seems unimpressed with what i do.
You are not showing the boss, that you are the one to go to for help or advice. He is going to go to people like the man above.
Customer service is often looked at as an easy unskilled job but everyone in my dept has a degree with past work experience and some of them know as much as engineers. I use SQL pro and cant really write my own queries but it's never something i never thought i'd be using. Im having a hard time keeping up. I like the customer service part, i like working with people/helping customers but the tech stuff is going over my head.
When you are overwhelmed with your present job, and there are others in the department that are not overwhelmed, of course they get the promotions, the boss going to them for advice, etc. You say you are barely able to do your job, there is no way they are going to move you up the ladder. You promote the best person in the department, that have proven they can handle the job, not the one barely able to hold on, like you are saying is the case.
My interests lean towards customer/client support, customer success, and relationship management. But it seems like these jobs are always entry level. WHY???
They are entry level jobs, because the new people can handle them. They don't require a higher qualified and higher paid person to perform them.
Also being in the same role for 6 years...doesnt this look bad??
All it says, is you are working at the level and responsibility that you are qualified for. It does not look bad, it just says you are not an employee that is going to rise above your present position. This is the majority of workers in this country. They work at a level they are qualified for and are able to handle the job. Not everyone can get promoted up the ladder. Your interests are in jobs you can easily handle. You are not demonstrating to your employer, that you should be moved up the ladder.
I really need advice on what i should do. I dont know how there arent more career centers out there, I'd pay someone to help me at this point. I just dont know what to do next.
In your post, you have shown you are working at a level you can handle. Quit thinking you should be promoted, and get a higher position. You have said in your post, you are actually having problems handling the present job. You are unable to work a 9 to 5 job, 5 days a week, due to your needs of being home at times.
The best advice to you, is to quit thinking you can have a better job, and want promoted.
Going to another company, is going to do away with going home at 3 some days. Going to eliminate working at home 1 day a week. You are very lucky to have an employer that will make such concessions to you. A new employer is not going to do so.
The jobs you want, are all as you say entry level jobs. They will pay entry level wages. Can you afford to take the pay cut, plus have to go to working full time with no going home early, or working from home one day a week.
You're married and have two kids, why feel unhappy?
I get the sense that you're blaming family for interfering with your work career, which you yourself consider to be rather mediocre and taxing. Think of it the opposite way instead: that work is interfering with your being able to grow and stabilize your family.
How many millions would love to have a family at this stage in their lives? If you're truly unhappy with work just leave and let your husband be the breadwinner.
If you're a low-ish wage/salary earner your loss of income won't make much difference when it comes time to pay taxes and collect state and federal benefits. For example, if one spouse earns approximately 60k per year and the other earns 30k per year you're actually worse off by having the lower earner work at all after taxation and benefit cutoffs are considered.
When you factor in the loss of 2000 work hours and perhaps 200-500 commuting hours per year followed by childcare costs then you're really losing out, essentially working and giving taxes to the government for free while spinning your wheels.
I would suggest quitting your job, stay home with the kids, garden at home and keep the house in order. Free yourself up for educational and community activities with the kids. That's what life should be about anyway.
Last edited by InchingWest; 05-05-2018 at 05:53 PM..
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