Am I being bullied ?

[Kluch]

Originally Posted by tr2163

There was this coworker A, she seemed nice and talked a lot about her personal life. She would ask me to go out and pickup her lunch and drink almost every time we worked together. Sometimes it was just five mins walk sometimes it was 15 min plus I have to wait there for the drink and food to be ready. She never asked anyone else to do that for her. I didn’t mind doing it at first but started feeling a bit weird recently.

What? She is asking you to do this for her and you're not also ordering food from the place? And you agreed to do this multiple times? Seems super strange. I've had co-workers pick up food for other co-workers if they're all ordering together but you make it sound like you're going out of your way to get her food all the time regardless of whether you're ordering food as well...? Never experienced such a thing.

[G-fused]

Lots of keyboard warriors puffing and pounding their chests.

OP was trying to be friendly and helpful by getting lunch. Not a big deal and not being a doormat, just being nice. Then OP realized the situation was getting odd and came here to ask for opinions. Again, not a big deal. OP did the absolute right thing to seek others' perspective, which gives him/her the opportunity to give it thought as to how they want to handle things and they will then be prepared. Sounds perfectly good and reasonable to me.

OP, your perfectly fine and it's not bizarre for people to not relish confrontation or conflict. This is growth so congratulations. There are many people in a much worse place than you who avoid confrontation at all costs and they seeked out and learned and went through uncomfortable lessons to be more comfortable. That is fine.

Best of luck.

[selhars]

OP, wherever you work (here or in the future), some co-workers will test a newbie.
In your first months keep eyes open and mouth shut. That statement sounds stronger than it's really meant.

What it conveys is that on a new job get the lay of the land, learn the politics of the place. Get a feel for who knows who, who's in what clique, pay attention to co-worker interactions with each other -- and management.

-- Are the supervisors favoring certain workers?
-- Are the new coworkers over friendly? Busy-bodies? Slackers?

All this is what I call reconnaissance. Keep all you observe in your mental memory banks to have you navigate in work place.

Part of success on the job is also learning what your manager wants from workers, while maintaining relationship with colleagues.

For example, does it seem that managers take the side of whoever goes to them first with a complaint? Some managers do that. The good ones don't. But I have worked with supervisors where we knew whoever gets to them first has the upper hand. The supe doesn't seem to hold off an opinion until getting both sides. By the other party going to management first it makes it look like YOU are the problem. So just be aware of that. It may not be the case where you are. But that's an example of something to surveil.

Personally, I like to become known to management as dependable, reliable, flexible, helpful, professional -- basically a good worker who gives them no problems and is an asset to the job.

I've always thought that it helps me, to help the supervisor. Don't let them be blind-sided by mistakes. Everyone in a while come up with a helpful idea or solve a problem for them.

Don't obviously brown-nose. Just do your job well, and don't cause problems.

If the new co-workers are welcoming, helpful, supportive, professional that's great. What we'd all hope for.

But, if co-workers come off the wrong way and you feel they're testing you in the wrong, poke-the bear sort of way, others have given you some very good advice on how to respond to that.

Good luck!

[Forever Blue]

Originally Posted by tr2163

So I started this part time sales job one month ago and everyone was friendly. Our manager left a few weeks ago so now we only have an assistant manager.

There was this coworker A, she seemed nice and talked a lot about her personal life. She would ask me to go out and pickup her lunch and drink almost every time we worked together. Sometimes it was just five mins walk sometimes it was 15 min plus I have to wait there for the drink and food to be ready. She never asked anyone else to do that for her. I didn’t mind doing it at first but started feeling a bit weird recently.

When the manager was still here, I was told that I could take a 10-15 mins break as long as there is people covering the floor. I usually take my break around 2pm while my shift ends at 3/2:30 pm. This Monday, I got caught on something and I forgot to take my break until like 2:15, so I asked another senior member B if it was ok for me to leave and she said yes. When I came back, both A and B had left but another girl yelled at me saying that I couldn’t take a break near the end of my shift. So I texted the assistant manager asking about the policy and she assured me that it was fine and I could take any time as I like.

The next day when I got there, coworker A asked to have a talk with me and she said that 1) I need to show up immediately after I punched in ( I went to the back to help the customer but she didn’t see it so she assumed that I was hiding somewhere and being lazy) 2) The policy doesn’t allow me to take my shift that late, I asked if I could take it at 1pm or earlier and she said that the break was just a courtesy. I then told her what the assistant manager said and she was like “ ok, if that is what she said”.

Later, when I was working in the back room, coworker A came in ( apparently she saw me there), she went to the office which was next door and started talking with the assistant manager. She was speaking so loud that I could hear her saying that it was coworker B who was complaining about me. She was just in the middle of this and felt responsible to talk with me. Later, when I had a chance I asked coworker B if she had any concern about my break time, and that I was willing to change my schedule if she felt uncomfortable and she seemed very surprised. She said that maybe I forgot my time last time but it was nice to always ask the others and I was doing just fine.

An hour later, coworker A came to me and said “don’t take it personal”.

Sorry for this long post, I didn’t realize it takes so many words to explain the situation.

tr2163, to answer your main question, it looks like it's leading to that & fast. You must have been raised to be a YES person or that if you say yes, it's the only way to be liked or something. I don't care if you're the newest employee in the group, cowokers A, B, & whoever that girl is who was yelling at you all really believe they found a gullible sucker in you & you're enabling them treating you like the doormat. All us posters can say to be strong, etc. all we want, but if it's not in you to stand strong for yourself & not allow yourself to be treated like the gopher/the errand person, etc., you'll have a tough time, until YOU make a change. Unfortunately, none of us can put our firm personalities in your body. You'll have to learn how to put these b___ coworkers in check, but as harmoniously as possible sine you have to work with these people.

Being the new employee makes no difference, if they're NOT my boss, I'm not going to do errands like getting someone's lunch...are you kidding me?! She has 2 legs. She needs to get her own ___ lunch. The VERY first time she asked you to get her lunch, you should have said & this is still being nice, but firm, "Oh, maybe I would if I was in the area, but I'm not, I'll be busy doing my thing." (& are you ever going to be in the area? Of course not. That was just something to say to her & even if you are, she needs to get her own lunch anyway.) Once you say YES once, they'll expect it every time...unless YOU say NO. And the reason she never asks the others is probably because when she first tried to see who'd be her errand gal, they probably said in a jokingly firm way something like, "Girl, who are you asking, if anyone needs to get anyone lunch, they need to get ME lunch, ha!" So that will kind of shut her up & she's learned not to keep asking that person.

And re: that girl who was YELLING at you, woah, no one's ever yelled at me in my life. You should have said something like, "Why are you yelling at me? I already checked w/ the proper person so don't worry about it."

They all seem to think you're this softie, but it's not too late to change. If the boss isn't around to check about something you don't know, then MAYBE, if the coworkers give LOGICAL, helpful tips to you, & after you believe it's a good idea/using good judgment too within your mind, then maybe listen to what they say that time, but all this ordering you around, thinking you're being lazy when you know that you're always on time & things like that, & all this petty bitchiness...forget them all. As long as you know you're doing you're job.

You may want to nip it in the bud & briefly talk to your boss asking them how well a job you're doing so far & as long as the boss thinks you're doing good, then who cares what the coworkers say. You may also want to tell the boss how they all seem to unecessarily be on your neck for some reason.

I wish you well. Don't stoop to their level if they want to start an argument, just say your thing calmly & continue working & making the best of it. If they get too bad like if there always seems to be something they're doing to you like on a WEEKLY basis or more, tell your boss.