How to deal with terrible personalities at work

[otterhere]

Just curious: how old are you and your friend? It's probably just a generation gap thing. I wouldn't label anyone has having "a terrible personality." Some people mesh and others don't. She probably also thinks you two have "terrible personalities." And when you get older, you'll realize we're all just imperfect people trying to survive in this world... Viva la difference!

[NYCresident2014]

I don't understand all the animosity towards OP or OP's friend here. I've been in the workforce for nearly 20 years and have come across this type of personality many times, both in men and in women. Universally, the only way to deal with it is to either try to get into a different group in the company or change companies. Nothing will cause a jerk to stop being a jerk.

There is this misconception taught to early career people, oftentimes moreso in women, that you have to be tough and mean to get ahead. It's not true at all. Yes, sometimes jerks do make it to the top but by far the people who do their jobs with a smile are more likely to get the support of those who work for them and thus, more likely to get to a better result. Not saying that there aren't times where you need to be blunt to get things done, but there is a huge difference between being politely blunt and being rude.

No amount of complaining to HR will get a rude person to stop being rude. You either quit or grin and bear it. I personally can't stand working for jerks so I always quit when I encounter these types of bosses, unless there is a way to maneuver around them.

[HeyYa80s]

Originally Posted by stormgal

I have a friend who feels disrespected by a senior director coworker - the senior director is older and not a very pleasant woman. My friend however, is a DevOps analyst so she’s not in a position of authority. The senior director is one of these people who feel that feminine women are stupid to be in subjection to men, and has a lack of respect for anyone whom she feels is the type of woman who’s family oriented and maybe even religious. Basically, this feminist boss despises those types of women because she feels that it is because of them that women in general have fallen behind.

Anyway, my friend comes across as introverted and she’s also a Latina so she’s not really in the business of being a “Sex in the City” extroverted type of “speak up for yourself” type of woman so I don’t know how to respond to her about a situation that she recently had to endure:

This senior director who comes across as a misogynist continues to schedule meetings with the boss at the time that my friend has them with him. It’s like the senior director will bump her out of the calendar and take her spot. So I told my friend why don’t you do the same thing to her - bump her out with a meeting you schedule with the boss! But my friend says she’d prefer to speak to the boss about her behavior. I don’t think that’s a good idea because the Director may just come back and say that it’s a coincidence even though the disrespect is 100% done on purpose.

What would you do? Would you speak to the boss and ask why the senior director keeps bumping her around and that this is seen as a lack of respect for my friends time, or would you just retaliate and schedule a meeting on the directors time with the boss and bump the hag out?

Trying to figure out what being "Latina" and a "Sex & the City type" have to do with anything posted here? What does that even mean?

[spotlight1]

Your friend has to get out of her comfort zone and confront her about senior coworker's attitude. If it continues, she gotta look for new work.