Tears rolled down my face last night as I dropped my children off with their father. I left him with the kids almost five years ago because he was horrid. The kids came with me and stayed for a couple of years and he was able to afford the luxury of a lawyer and I was not.

Now they have been with him the past few years.

I thank God every day that I am away from him but it is a bit of a dual edged sword, as they have to be with him. I feel guilty for them not being...

As we lay in the still of the silent darkness he wraps his arms around me and asked if I did ok the day before, and I tell him that I did, and I thank him.

Yesterday would have been my mothers 76th birthday and the day before, we traveled to where I used to live, and where I buried my parents five years apart.

We sat in my old seat on the pew in the church where I was baptized and I was able to see many people I have been missing.

The whole week leading...

This week, though I know that I am a happy person, I feel the overwhelming sadness stalking my being. My mothers birthday is in four days and there is not a day that I do not miss her.

On Sunday I will visit both she and my fathers graves and give them flowers. Before that I will visit the church I was baptized in for their service.

This is the place where I gave my heart to my Lord and Savior, and I need to get back there...

He told me last night that when we are much older, he wants to go before me, because he doesn't wanna be here without me, a lonely old man....

I sit here across the room from him peeking above my laptop every once in a while at him and the sight of him just makes me smile from within...

......there is just something about the way that he looked at me tonight.......