Twenty-Five Years

Every once in a while over the last four or five days I have reread my last blog entry, and there are parts of what I wrote that more than annoy me. In fact, in that blog entry there are a few lines and phrases that have made me feel ashamed, not just because I wrote them in my blog, but because I have implied the same sentiment to others in my life. So, I am now going to say something out loud and put it my blog at the same time; I am in a relationship with a guy who is twenty-five years older than I am. There, I did it. I am 27, Steve is 52.

I have been upset with myself for foolishly worrying about what others will say about our age difference. So I have been deliberately giving the impression to people - even through my blog- that Steve, and our relationship, is “temporary”. But the truth is; I have no such thoughts. If ever I did, they were quickly vanquished. Steve is kindhearted, funny, and very thoughtful. I am amazed at how often I will spontaneously hug him, not hug him as though he is my father, but hug him out of simple loving affection with absolutely no thought of age.

My girlfriend thinks that my return to a life with sexual intimacy has clouded my judgment, and my feelings for Steve are not genuine. But I don’t think that is the case. There is definitely a lot more than mere physical attraction to our relationship.

Steve is coming by this evening. We will probably go out on a short hike. As we hike along the desert trail, Steve will occasionally point out things of interest that he notices, and I will do the same. When we return to my condo, we will relax and drink a glass of wine on the patio. I will talk about my day, and Steve will talk about his. I may confide in him things that I will tell no other human being. And I know he will actually listen to my words, and hear what I say. Later, we will find our way into the bedroom. After we make love, Steve will lie beside me as we enjoy a few moments of sweet, playful conversation. Then he will hold me tenderly until I fall asleep.

I should be proud of that, and I am.