Saying Goodbye To "Honey"
Okay, it is 24 hours later and I still feel like writing about this, and since I have a few free moments, here it goes…
I am located in Yuma and work for the government. I am directly or indirectly in charge of about two dozen people. Many of these individuals are men, and a number of them are significantly older than I am. Still, I try to keep a sense of humor, even during working hours. One of my employees once said to me that I was “as wholesome as a New England milk maid”. I thought it was pretty funny (even though it is a long way from being true). Point is; I want to be well-liked. But I guess sometimes that just isn’t possible, even for a milk maid.
Yesterday I overheard a somewhat older, male employee refer to a younger, female coworker as “honey”. This immediately set-off alarms in my head. I think the alarms were extra loud because he seemed to say it in a kind of lascivious tone. About an hour later I privately asked the young woman if she minded being called “honey” by this man. She seemed very hesitant to say anything at first, but finally she shook her head and bluntly stated, “I just hate it.”
A short time later I called the offending gentleman into my office. I told him that I thought he was a great employee, and that he was generally very conscientious. Then I informed him that the only negative thing I could say about him was his occasional use of improper and even chauvinistic terms towards some women employees. He rolled his eyes and grinned, as though my complaint was something to be dismissed. It appeared to me that, to him, I was just another “honey”. I can’t deny that I became a bit agitated.
I then informed the person in no uncertain terms that if he abides by the social guidelines dictated by the department, and enforced by me, he could continue to be a respected employee. However if he chose to disregard those guidelines, I would personally see to it that his position would be abolished and that he would be transferred into duties that he may not enjoy, duties away from women. I concluded by stating that the choice was his.
Unlike earlier, my final words did not cause him to roll his eyes and grin in mild amusement. Today this man is referring to all of his female employees by their rightful name. God help me, I think that the New England milk maid might have ushered the term “honey” right out of the department. I can think of two women who won’t miss it a bit.
I am located in Yuma and work for the government. I am directly or indirectly in charge of about two dozen people. Many of these individuals are men, and a number of them are significantly older than I am. Still, I try to keep a sense of humor, even during working hours. One of my employees once said to me that I was “as wholesome as a New England milk maid”. I thought it was pretty funny (even though it is a long way from being true). Point is; I want to be well-liked. But I guess sometimes that just isn’t possible, even for a milk maid.
Yesterday I overheard a somewhat older, male employee refer to a younger, female coworker as “honey”. This immediately set-off alarms in my head. I think the alarms were extra loud because he seemed to say it in a kind of lascivious tone. About an hour later I privately asked the young woman if she minded being called “honey” by this man. She seemed very hesitant to say anything at first, but finally she shook her head and bluntly stated, “I just hate it.”
A short time later I called the offending gentleman into my office. I told him that I thought he was a great employee, and that he was generally very conscientious. Then I informed him that the only negative thing I could say about him was his occasional use of improper and even chauvinistic terms towards some women employees. He rolled his eyes and grinned, as though my complaint was something to be dismissed. It appeared to me that, to him, I was just another “honey”. I can’t deny that I became a bit agitated.
I then informed the person in no uncertain terms that if he abides by the social guidelines dictated by the department, and enforced by me, he could continue to be a respected employee. However if he chose to disregard those guidelines, I would personally see to it that his position would be abolished and that he would be transferred into duties that he may not enjoy, duties away from women. I concluded by stating that the choice was his.
Unlike earlier, my final words did not cause him to roll his eyes and grin in mild amusement. Today this man is referring to all of his female employees by their rightful name. God help me, I think that the New England milk maid might have ushered the term “honey” right out of the department. I can think of two women who won’t miss it a bit.
Total Comments 3
Comments
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Hey KatieGal,
are you busy with important things too sometimes? Just asking, because this is bored-housewify-seeking-herself-a-job-bickering almost hitting the level of mobbing.
What difference does it make, if a male human being, much older than you and thus derserving the appropriate respect by his younger colleagues, has the habbit - some would call it quaint little habbit - to refer to ladies as honey? Is better than Sexy, Smartass, Blondie,....
The fact the man was more or less than threatend into obedience to a minor problem in the end, indicated that the position you have at work allows you to do so.
A wise owner of your seat will always consider the need for action, and then suggest his wish be fulfilled in a mannor that lifts the opponent up, strengthens his self-worthy and leaves him with the idea that he had a choice.
So, now what did you achieve with your action?
- A person older than you is now feeling small
- It is proved once more to those thinking, women in strong
positions turn into dragons, that they are on the right
track
- You left the battleground convinced of victory, failing to
see your own narrow-mindness
Bitter, aggitated attitude damages the goals of feminism (where dear men, is the malinism, we urgently need? Get in gear all of you, is about time?).
Calmness, understanding in combination with considering people's feelings can move mountains.
Please note that upon you writing this blog you are asking for comments, be they positive or negative. You look considerably younger than me, so I do hope you will be wise and just take these words from an elderly 'Honey', take them in and consider thinking twice before acting.
Other than that, I am very proud of young ladies being successful and find their place. Like you do.
Kind regards
MaryLouPosted 10-05-2012 at 09:38 AM by MaryLouBali
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Hello, wow, someone is reading my blog. Anyway, to your comment…
First, perhaps I did not adequately convey the licentious manner and voice tone of the male coworker as he spoke to his female coworker. A few simple words such as “hello honey” can be made to sound suggestive and perhaps even intimidating.
Anyway, as I said in the blog entry, I went to the young woman to find out if she found unsettling her male coworker’s word choice, tone of voice, and borderline vulgar attitude towards her. I discovered that clearly she did, which was certainly not surprising. I then entered into a polite, professional discussion with the offending party. I understand that there are times when people do not comprehend their own behavior, even if it appears obvious to others. I could see immediately that the man was not surprised by my criticism and therefore understood his actions. Additionally, he was dismissive of my assessment. My priorities then fell 100% behind the aggrieved young woman, with the feelings of the offending man being inconsequential. I believed that one of my responsibilities was to do everything in my power to spare the female employee the distress and indignity of being spoken to as though she were a hooker. Hopefully the gentleman got the message, if not, he can be exiled.Posted 10-05-2012 at 05:21 PM by KatieGal
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Hello KatieGal,
quick and good reply, but I do hope that the issue did not end with anyone having to go to exile :-)
Looks like you may be right with the hint that some behaviour demands action; all sides of course have to be respected and protected if need be and possible. It always, like everything, entirely depends on the tone of voice and the motivation behind saying anything.
Having spent quite some time in England, it just comes to mind that the there very commonly used terms like 'Honey' - 'Hun' - 'Chicken' - 'Duck' etc. used mostly from elderlies towards other people when forinstance bumping into them in shops could be wiped off this planet, if not careful, by banning the use of such terms in general - and that would be a SHAME! It is just lovely the be referred to as one of those in situations, other people even appologize in when you bump into THEM. Great attitude, needs to be nurtered and maintained.
Possibly this rung in my ears when reading your post, I do realize that reception of may be differently motivated terms of this kind can be a completely different one to the one I am used to in UK.
Not least it should be emphasized, that you DID get into action, which on itself is a good thing to do of course :-)
Regards from Germany, glad I made you (hopefully) juckle, that someone was commenting your post!Posted 10-06-2012 at 05:13 AM by MaryLouBali
