Russian mysteries,British and other goddesses,down days
Well there have been lovely rainy days,my favourite type of day,but things have been so dulled and awful lately,nothing really lifting me up and problems.I have still been reading "The Red haired girl from the bog',I'm now reading about her time at Brú na Bóinne.Despite this I dreamt about Russians all night,I found Russian chocolates in the dream,Russians were all about.I do try to return to my love of Russia which I have felt since I was a little girl,but I don't feel that great pull and fascination for all Russian things I had once,just a very definite love.When I began my novel a few weeks ago about going to Russia in search of ancient family legends to do with mythic sirens and alknosts I still felt something stir,but I'm not feeling particularly inspired at the moment.Gosh I miss the budding of that novel.Russia is very much a sacred place for me,my home,in my blood and bones,somewhere I can go in my mind and soul where I really belong and everything is familiar.I dreamt I had a past life there as a ballet dancer a few times,which no doubt explains the lifelong penchant for Russia.Russia is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma - so says Churchill.I love it's folklore,it's villages,it's ballerinas,it's rich maroons,it's babushkas,it's dusha,it's dachas and things I can no longer remember or piece through due to the brain damage I suffered.It has alternated with a devoted love for England since I was twenty or so,and for the last two years I have had such a calling to the celts and Ireland,that feels very natural,ancestral and meant.
Maybe it's red(my red headed soulmate) that keeps me bound to Ireland,I felt so much that everything in my life is resolved when I think of him,such peace and resolution.I will be sure to write of that sense of completion in my soulmates article for exemplore.But at the moment I have put it aside.Maybe it's the morrigu,one of my favourite deities among all deities,she is the Irish goddess of prophecy,of war cry,of death,a triple goddess.I have her picture beside my bed,along with a picture of the goddess Diana and the goddess Bride,as well as Mary.All of whom I have felt embodied by one time or another.The traditional Koreans call this our momju;our personal pantheon,and Korean shamans,mostly women,do embody the goddesses they dream about or have profound connections with.In many ways the Morrigu is my momju-shin,my personal deity.I am also reading about Cuda the perhaps Cotswolds goddess,how rare we find mention of British goddesses,is it she Cuda,who is pulling the huge crowds to her home in the cotswolds.I have ancestry from Glouchestershire (in a part of the Cotswolds) and really I want to read more Glouchestershire lore and legend or folklore,I might even trace my Glouchestershire ancestors properly for once.I would just love to find some little village from where they all came,but this is 1793 there's not much to be found.
Oh I long to be baking at the moment,just biscuits to have with my many cups of tea,I may make jam fancies at some point.Life has been so hard,I want to be nested up.I want to be doing nanowrimo too,November is finally here,but imbas(divine inspiration) and processing (my brain)is not there with it.I will keep trying,it's a war between writing 'the wild way' about an Irish cottage in the Connemara countryside or 'the legends of Wistow hall' about a cottage on a country estate (manor) and two bohemian poets in love.I've written more for Wistow hall which starts with a midsummers eve party,but I'm not in that Edwardian,pompous,poetic mood I'm normally always in to carry on with it.Its also so much harder to write since the damage.I mourn the changes everyday and I've been sad about it all lately.I am starting to truly covet others lives who don't have brain damage,illness,etc etc,I have forgotten what it's like,but normally I think my life has been so interesting but so hard.I did a drawing yesterday of myself in a cotton day dress with rows of books,and a mug of tea.Im thinking about doing tapestry or something like it in the afternoons since I can't do my novels, but I think maybe I'll find it too dull,but I think such things can be so meditive and creative,traditional societies were so much about these patient crafts, and seem more peaceful and healthy than our societies.Im down today,I just want him (snow) to make everything better,I want a cottage on the hill,I want to be able to eat without agonies,I want to be able to write and not worry for one day.I am going to count my blessings though wherever I can find them.Will do some journalling and drink some healing teas.
Maybe it's red(my red headed soulmate) that keeps me bound to Ireland,I felt so much that everything in my life is resolved when I think of him,such peace and resolution.I will be sure to write of that sense of completion in my soulmates article for exemplore.But at the moment I have put it aside.Maybe it's the morrigu,one of my favourite deities among all deities,she is the Irish goddess of prophecy,of war cry,of death,a triple goddess.I have her picture beside my bed,along with a picture of the goddess Diana and the goddess Bride,as well as Mary.All of whom I have felt embodied by one time or another.The traditional Koreans call this our momju;our personal pantheon,and Korean shamans,mostly women,do embody the goddesses they dream about or have profound connections with.In many ways the Morrigu is my momju-shin,my personal deity.I am also reading about Cuda the perhaps Cotswolds goddess,how rare we find mention of British goddesses,is it she Cuda,who is pulling the huge crowds to her home in the cotswolds.I have ancestry from Glouchestershire (in a part of the Cotswolds) and really I want to read more Glouchestershire lore and legend or folklore,I might even trace my Glouchestershire ancestors properly for once.I would just love to find some little village from where they all came,but this is 1793 there's not much to be found.
Oh I long to be baking at the moment,just biscuits to have with my many cups of tea,I may make jam fancies at some point.Life has been so hard,I want to be nested up.I want to be doing nanowrimo too,November is finally here,but imbas(divine inspiration) and processing (my brain)is not there with it.I will keep trying,it's a war between writing 'the wild way' about an Irish cottage in the Connemara countryside or 'the legends of Wistow hall' about a cottage on a country estate (manor) and two bohemian poets in love.I've written more for Wistow hall which starts with a midsummers eve party,but I'm not in that Edwardian,pompous,poetic mood I'm normally always in to carry on with it.Its also so much harder to write since the damage.I mourn the changes everyday and I've been sad about it all lately.I am starting to truly covet others lives who don't have brain damage,illness,etc etc,I have forgotten what it's like,but normally I think my life has been so interesting but so hard.I did a drawing yesterday of myself in a cotton day dress with rows of books,and a mug of tea.Im thinking about doing tapestry or something like it in the afternoons since I can't do my novels, but I think maybe I'll find it too dull,but I think such things can be so meditive and creative,traditional societies were so much about these patient crafts, and seem more peaceful and healthy than our societies.Im down today,I just want him (snow) to make everything better,I want a cottage on the hill,I want to be able to eat without agonies,I want to be able to write and not worry for one day.I am going to count my blessings though wherever I can find them.Will do some journalling and drink some healing teas.
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