Putting your best foot forward.

Its been a month since my breakup and i decided to actively wade back into the dating pool. I immediately make a bunch of connections, most conversations barely pass go. One guy seems to stand out, he asks questions, responds to mine with more than one word, seems genuinely interested in us getting to know each other. Last Tuesday he asks me if i want to meet for a drink on Sunday, I tell him im only free on Friday, he has birthday plans and asks what my next week looks like. Im a single mom and i only have Fridays and every other weekend off so i tell him im free the following Friday if he wants to meet somewhere in the middle, he agrees so we set a tentative date for 10 days time.
The first Friday rolls around and he messages me around 6pm telling me he's free. I think about suggesting meeting for a drink but i was already in lazy mode and in my pjs, so i suggest we FaceTime.

He calls me and we immediately hit it off, we talk about work, life, our divorces, there's a tiny bit of flirtation which is nice, he then decides he wants to show me around his apartment. Show me all the rooms and heads into the kitchen, there's a little fat cucumber on his counter and he picks it up, holds it towards his groin area and says "yea thats about right". Im shocked, I call him out on it and he says hes just joking, Im not a prude and when i get to know someone im more then happy to engage in this kind of talk, but we barely know each other. He settles again and so do i, we continue talking, i think the discussion was about his kid playing volleyball and then he asks me if he can ask me something personal, i've always considered myself very open so i say of course. He then proceeds to ask me how wet i am. WTF i shut him down right away, tell him thats a disgusting thing to ask a relative stranger and wtf was he thinking. He tries to bs his way out of it and asks to change the subject, im trying to think how i can end the conversation at this point, but the British in me still doesn't want to be rude even though he completely crossed the line. So he compliments my teeth, asking me if i've ever had braces, I say no my teeth aren't perfect i have small gap in the bottom row. He responds with that's a great spot for my d***. That was it, i just say goodnight i have to go now and hang up.

The next morning he texts me. Its his birthday and i didn't want to say anything negative to him and so i text back happy birthday, the message sends with balloons in the background (thanks iphone) and he responds saying thanks for the bouquet of helium filled condoms. I tell him he's too crass and leave it at that. He later messages asking me if im going to ghost him based on one condom joke, i respond with I think our personalities are too different and i wish him the best of luck. He gets the message and has left me alone.

I have been dating on and off over the past 18 months, I noticed that nearly all the guys i talk to try to draw my attention to their nether regions, and i honestly don't understand why, these aren't college aged douche jock types. These are educated professionals late 30s and 40s, they are average looking guys with dad bods and various stages of hair loss. I never thought I had very high expectations but im starting to wonder if maybe having any expectations is too much.