Struggling with my fear of failure!

Well...I finally got my web site completed. At least enough to use it in efforts to market my services to businesses in San Diego.

I am very pleased with it and it's looking real sharp from what I have been told by others who have looked at it over the Internet (mostly other entrepreneurs and others I have contact with at other forums).

But now, as sometimes happens with me, I am having to face the fear of failure.

It sounds silly but here is how it goes logically speaking. I think...

I've got this great looking web site that showcases my skills and talent as a web developer. Sharp looking thing. Top notch if not downright impressive.

Now I have to start calling businesses and pointing them to my web site and otherwise introducing my services to them.

But...if I call and don't succeed in getting more clients...I fail.

So...the best thing I can do is...well...putzy around and make some needed but immediately uneccessary changes on the site, clean the dishes in my sink, go get a haircut, whatever...anything so I can justify not making those calls. Even go and do my laundry.

You see if I make no calls I don't fail at all. I can't fail. If I make no calls the possibility of failure does not even exist.

If I make calls I might fail.

So fearing failure I am tempted to opt out of making calls so that I won't fail.

Why do I fear failure? Not sure.

I think it has to do with the way it was with my father way back when I was young.

He thought of me as a failure because I did not meet his expectations and standards of what he felt I should be.

Perhaps in a weird twist of logic if I can keep myself a failure I will have validated my dad's "love" for me such as it was.

Or perhaps I have come to feel that failure is more comfortable than success (wordly wise) so I stay where I am comfortable (but then that would not explain why I bother to do work for others when it is available and why I have bothered to create a great web site to showcase my skills).

Not quite sure what the underlying problem is but there is a very real fear of failure that I am struggling with.

Now I know that some of you might jump the gun and declare loudly in a sort of "ah...ha!" moment that this is Carlos's problem as to why an intelligent, dedicated blogger like me with all the skills I have has gotten stuck in his circumstances as he has.

Completely discounting the way the Lord has used my circumstances for my ultimate good in increasing my faith in Him and the fact that much of my circumstances are completely beyond my control.

From my bad knees and my deteriorating health to my bad back and my inability to successfully replicate the success in window cleaning I had up north here in San Diego (despite overwhelming effort on my part to do so).

My fear of failure is only a reason for my circumstances if I let it rule me...which I will not.

By God's grace and through faith in Him I will rise above my fear and make the calls I need to make. Ultimately succeeding in my endeavours if it is God's will that it be so.

I share this to let everyone know that I am human. That I struggle with things. That I have my weaknesses despite the faith that the Lord is building into me through my circumstances.

Perhaps someone else will be helped through their own fear of failure as they see God work with me to overcome my own.

Now what was I going to do? Oh yeah...there's some dishes in the sink I have to clean and then I am going to eat something followed by...let's see...oh yeah read some news online on very important issues and then...hmm...I know there's something else I got to do...hmmm.....oh yeah!

Make some calls!

Carlos