Be careful about what you "say!"...Hidden rules and regulations in relationships!

Posted 04-28-2013 at 10:13 AM by CArizona

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Are we looking for "yes people" when we hook-up with new friends? (People who will always agree with us?)...Or are we searching for some diversity? And challenges?...I spend most of my time as a loner. (Outside groups.) So everytime I step-out and dare to open my mouth I can come across as an "oddball."...I honestly believe that we have a great deal to learn from each other. But we can "block" new insights and knowledge from "coming in" if we surround ourselves with "like-minded thinkers." ("Birds of the same feather!") How do you feel about it?

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1. I'm big on "tales" from the past. Most of my closest friends are pretty good "storytellers."...The "struggles" and "challenges" come first. (And continue-on during the middle of the story.).. Then the "tale" (and "real-life" story) ends on a "good note."...And there is a sense of "victory" and "success!".. Despite "hardships" and "rough seas" the boat "stayed afloat!" (And didn't "sink!")...Everyone found some type of solution to their problems. Or "found peace" concerning "troubling incidents" from the past, etc...I guess they could be called "survivor tales!" I grew-up hearing my parents and grandparents "tell tales" of "survival" during the Depression. Sometimes they put a lot of humor in their stories because it was all "behind them" by the time I came into the "picture."...I run into quite a few people who "vent" but they don't always talk about how they plan to solve their problems. So they can serve as a "hero" or "heroine" in their own life story!

   Posted 05-27-2013 at 02:28 PM by CArizona

2. What a shame! This is how I feel when friendships end on a "bad note." And the door is "slammed tight" (and "barricaded") forevermore...I get over "bad feelings" within a short period of time and I miss former friends and even former mates...I know that "getting back together" requires a certain amount of "caution." But I'm always excited about seeing someone again...I miss the "good parts" of the relationship.. I think about everyone I've known in my life and always "wonder" how they're "doing." For some reason things "blow-over fast" with me and I just don't want to "stay mad.".. Or wish "ill" on anyone...I went through a few "cut-offs" in my family when I was younger. Things got "hot and heavy" and we took a "break" from each other...But nobody wanted to "stay away" forever and we all ended-up missing each other "like crazy!".. And found a way to "mend fences!" So we could "reunite" and enjoy each other's "company" again!

   Posted 05-27-2013 at 03:19 PM by CArizona

3. My local friend has become a "social butterfly!" .. She's been a member of many different groups for awhile now. But never saw anyone outside the groups until recently...Now she has quite a few close friends and everyone gets together for "fun outings" on a regular basis. (Outside the group meetings.)...My friend is a "sweetheart" (and caring person) and tries to include me in the outings. (So I won't feel neglected or ignored.)...I went to the group's "picnic on the river" a few week's back. Everyone was great! But they do a lot of "shop-talk." And even though I "listened attentively" and tried to show interest I wound-up feeling like a "fifth-wheel.".. So now I "thank" my friend for wanting to include me. But I tell her to go off and have fun with her friends from the group. (And not to worry about me!)..She has my "support" and my "blessings!" I feel proud of her for "blossoming" and "blooming" and spreading her "wings!"...I don't want to "hold her back!" And she's still a great friend to me when we see each other. (And I value and appreciate her ongoing friendship!)

   Posted 05-28-2013 at 10:32 AM by CArizona

4. When I was young I was friends with a girl who had 9 brothers and sisters...Whoa! It was quite a "education" for me because I was an only child...My friend's Dad was a city council member and a successful contractor in our town... He was pretty handsome! And looked like Paul Newman to me!.. My friend's Mom seemed a bit "bland" and "colorless." (Compared to her husband)...I felt sorry for her because she looked "worn-out" all the time. She had a "rough job." (Raising 10 kids!) They didn't have any domestic help. Everything was "on her!"...I don't think my parents liked my friend's Dad all that much. They didn't vote for him when elections rolled around...I think they considered him a "slick politician" and "too big" for his "britches!" But they seemed to feel "okay" about my friend's Mother...When my friend came over to visit me (at my house) my parents gave her a lot of "special attention." I think they wanted to help her come out of her "shell" a little bit. She was pretty shy and self-conscious and didn't always have a lot of self-esteem.. Today she might be tagged a "lost child." I guess this can happen in big families.

   Posted 05-28-2013 at 07:06 PM by CArizona

5. Some people seem "hyper-sensitive" when it comes to criticism. (Or what they perceive to be criticism.).. Yet they don't (always) "own-up" to how critical and condescending they can be themselves. (At times.)...Have you ever noticed this?...We're bound to run into people who don't agree with us. Or people who want to add their own thoughts and opinions to the conversation...Everyone isn't going to tell us how wonderful and great we are...Or bow down and praise us for "being smart" or "knowing everything!"...I've been around some people who take pride in being "blunt" or "straight-shooters." They feel entitled to say whatever they want (at any time) without having to worry about hurting someone's feelings...But they "take offense" and turn into "cry-babies" (or "sting-rays") if someone "talks straight" to them. Or dares to disagree with them...Why the discrepency? I guess it's all about having "blind spots." Or just feeling entitled to be "above" the "fray" or ??...What do you think?

   Posted 05-29-2013 at 08:54 AM by CArizona

6. Most of the time I stayed on the "sidelines" in high school...This way I didn't have to "pledge allegiance" to any certain group... I didn't want to be labeled or "typecast." Or "confined." Or pushed to "conform."...Each group (or "social circle") has their own set of rules and "mandates." Have you noticed this?... Families can be this way too. Anyone who dares to be "different" runs the risk of being labeled a "troublemaker." (Or "black sheep!")...I'm still a "sidelines" kind of person. (Even today.) I enjoy being "free!"

   Posted 05-30-2013 at 08:37 AM by CArizona

7. 	It's great when friends "hang-in" with each other through "thick or thin." (No matter what!)...When problems or "differences" come-up everyone "sticks-around" and "works" to gain perspective. (And brand new insights about each other.)...No one gets thrown in the "trash.".. No one "bails" or "runs-off." The friendship continues and "lives-on" despite obstacles. (Or "bumpy roads" along the way.)
   	Posted 05-31-2013 at 07:12 AM by CArizona

8. I think we can take a "high road" or a "lower road" when our relationships don't work-out...The "lower road" involves a lot of misery and heartache and anger and blame...Even hate! Or a desire for revenge!...The "high road" is a "product" of logic and reason. ("Above" our emotions.).. The opposite of interpreting everything in "highly personal ways."...It's basically saying: "We just weren't a 'good match' or 'fit.' Our beliefs and cultural differences got in the way and we weren't able to reach a 'middle-ground.' Or create a 'peace treaty' so we could 'live with' the differences."...This way the "end" doesn't have to be anyone's "fault.".. It "makes sense." The "gaps" were just too "wide."

   Posted 06-01-2013 at 08:18 AM by CArizona

9. We live in a world that can be pretty dysfunctional. Don't you think?...No wonder our relationships can be dysfunctional at times. Or our jobs. (Or other aspects of our lives.)...Too bad that we weren't handed a detailed instructional "manual" at birth. (To teach us how to avoid falling into the depths of dysfunction.)...Dysfunction is making a "mess" of things instead of finding solutions to problems...Or creating "chaos" (or "drama") instead of "calm." Don't you think?...I wish I could find a way to rid myself of dysfunction but I know this is probably just "wishful thinking." So I have to find ways to "forgive myself" when I "screw-up." Or make mistakes. And I try to extend this same type of "slack" and forgiveness to others too. (When need be!)...We're all "stuck" in a dysfunctional world together! (Whether we like it or not!)

   Posted 06-01-2013 at 10:09 AM by CArizona

10. Creativity...A desire for expression...Wanting to "make" or "build" or "portray" something... An "inner urge" to set plans and ideas (or "visions") into "motion."...A desire to be independent. ("Boss-free!")...I was trying to explain my definition of creativity to a friend recently. And why some people want to keep "doing things" on their "own."..My friend is looking for a fairly "well-off" new husband. She's looking for someone who is retired with a good pension and savings, investments, etc...She doesn't want to date men who have ideas for "projects." (Or heaven forbid! Men who want to start businesses of their "own.")...In her mind it's all "unnecessary work" and a "waste of time." And she doesn't want to get "stuck" helping a man with his "work" when she's supposed to be retired...She says that she "put in her time" working as a teacher for decades and just wants to be "free" of "work" at this stage in her life...So she avoids men who seem to be "artistic." Or men who have "creative ambitions." (Of any kind.)...Basically we're "complete opposites." (Because I prefer creative and "self-made" kind of men...Or women!).. How do you feel about it? What "camp" are you in?

    Posted 06-01-2013 at 02:29 PM by CArizona

11. How "involved" do you want me to be?.. What do you want or expect from me? What role am I suppose to play?...When friends tell me about their (ongoing) problems I don't always know what to do...Am I'm suppose to sit on the "sidelines?" And offer them comfort and sympathy?...Or do they expect "more" from me?.. Sometimes it's hard to know what to say or do. Have you ever felt this way...I don't want to jump-in and offer unsolicited advice. But let's say a problem has gone on for a long time and I start to feel concerned about a friend's "welfare." I feel "protective" in other words...I keep getting pulled into the "drama" (over and over again) and there doesn't seem to be any "end" in sight. And it becomes "troubling" for me. (Because I care about my friend.)...Sometimes it feels like a "damned if I do" and "damned if I don't" type of situation. It's frustrating! And puts me in a "bind!"...I have problems in my life too. (All the time! Everyday!)...But I'm "big" on trying to find some type of "resolution." Or at least this is my ultimate "goal." Some problems can't be solved overnight. But I keep "trying!"...I long for "peace of mind." And a life that doesn't revolve around ongoing "suffering" and misery...I don't want to wind-up in the very same "boat" over and over again. So this is why I try to find a way "out" of unhappy and "miserable situations" as soon as possible...Or try to find a way to "fix things" once and for all so my life doesn't feel like a daily "soap-opera."

    Posted 06-02-2013 at 09:30 AM by CArizona

12. Politics and religion can be "touchy" subjects... Recently a lady "befriended" me on another forum and we started writing to each other through emails...Everything "went well" most of the time but every so often my friend started "talking religion" to me...I kept asking her (nicely) if we could talk about other topics. And focus on what we had "in-common" in other areas...But somehow it always got back to religion. She was trying to convert me. Or plant "fear" in me because I didn't follow her faith...My friend spends most of her time with "like-minded thinkers." (Friends from her church. Or friends she met online who share her faith.).. I was a "puzzle" to her and I guess she felt obligated to convert me. And make sure that I became a member of her "flock."...Finally I had to take a "breather" because she made converting me a "top priority."..Some people turn their political beliefs into sort of a "religion" too. Have you ever noticed this?...I try to avoid religious or political "zealots." (If possible!)

    Posted 06-02-2013 at 06:17 PM by CArizona

13. Couples and friends usually start off with a "clean slate.".. Everything is "fresh" and "new" and "hopeful.".. Nobody has done anything "wrong" yet...But how long does the "honeymoon phase" last? Who commits the "first sin?" When does "disappointment" set-in? Or doubt and "uncertainties?"... Is everyone prepared to "weather" a few "storms?" Or "deal" with obstacles and "road-bumps?" Or "differences" that seem "larger than life" at times?...Does someone get "blamed" or "thrown away" when the "smooth-sailing" comes to an end? And "rough seas" take over for awhile?...How "realistic" are we? Do we expect to live in a "rose garden" that has no thorns or bugs or weeds?

    Posted 06-03-2013 at 08:52 AM by CArizona

14. When I was growing-up divorce wasn't common. (At least not in my middle-class suburb.)...But I had some friends who lived in single-parent homes... When I wanted to visit these friends a "red flag" went up for my parents...My parents were worried (and concerned) about my safety. They were "big" on "adult supervision" and having a parent "home" when I came to visit...We had some "battles" about it. I told my parents that it wasn't "right" to "punish" or "stigmatize" my friends just because their parents got divorced...It wasn't "their fault." And they needed friends too...I usually got my "point across." And they let me visit my friends for short-periods during the afternoon...My parents were caring (and "attentive") when I invited friends to come over to our house. This was nice!...I had friends from all "walks" of life. Some of my friends had "well-to-do" parents and grew-up with "luxuries."..And other friends didn't have "much." But none of it mattered to me. It wasn't about what someone "had" or "didn't have.".. Back in the "old days" we didn't need a lot of "stuff" to have fun. We "made" what we "needed" ourselves. (With "scraps!") And just used our imagination!

    Posted 06-04-2013 at 09:23 AM by CArizona

15. My older son "hung-out" with boys who might be considered (or labeled) "nerds" or "computer geeks." (Until he reached high-school.)...Then he decided to "reinvent himself." He told me that he wanted to "go mainstream" and be a "normal kid." And he warned me that his grades might "slip" a little bit. (Because he just didn't want to be tagged a "nerd" anymore.)...He did an "amazing job" of becoming "someone else!" He became more well-rounded and developed new interests and new friends.. I watched his "transformation." He became a pretty "popular guy." ("Mr. Cool!")...Later in life he started to wonder if he "sold-out." We spent more time together the year before he died.. He did a "life-review." (And questioned all of his choices in life.)...My son's wife and most of his friends wanted him to go back to being "happy-go-lucky" and a "go-along." (Versus being so "deep" and serious.)...But good that he finally got back to his "true self" and "true nature." (Before he passed-away.) He wasn't serious 24/7. He still had his sense of humor and could even "poke fun" at himself. (Or life in general.)

    Posted 06-04-2013 at 01:50 PM by CArizona

16. "I'm fine...I got through it...It's all behind me now.".. Some people insist that they are "fine." But yet they don't always seem "fine and dandy.".. It's obvious that they are still carrying around a lot of anger and hurt and it "shows" at times...The past "lives-on" inside of them. They haven't really "healed." They still have more "work" left to do...But they "stopped" at some point and set everything up on a "shelf."...For some reason they don't want to do anymore "soul-searching." Maybe they are afraid of what they might "find" if they open-up their "can of worms."...So they keep the "lid" on (tight) and insist they're "fine" and "over" everything. (When this isn't really "true.")...It's not easy to "process" painful events from the past. Or devastating "losses." It can be "gut-wrenching" at times...But it's not healthy to walk-around with a widespread "infection" inside of us either. We can become "toxic."...The "healing process" involves many different "steps." It's a "journey." Sometimes we have to go through "rough seas" and maybe even "tidal waves." But the "storm" doesn't last forever...At some point the sky "clears" and the sun "peeks-out." And we might even see a rainbow!

    Posted 06-05-2013 at 08:23 AM by CArizona

17. Have you noticed all the "twists" and "turns" in conversations?...There's no telling how someone may "respond" (or "react") to what we "say."...Will they jump-in and "cut" us "off?" Or literally "take over" and leave us standing in the "dust?"...Will they make a snide remark or comment? Become sarcastic? Or "negative?"....Can they "relate" to what we're "saying?" Or do we have to do a lot of "explaining?"...Do we "get" what they are "saying?" Do we feel a real "connection" with them? Or a "meeting of minds?"...Or is everything sort of "mismatched?" And all over the "map?" With people basically talking "at" each other. (In a "free-for-all!")

    Posted 06-05-2013 at 11:18 AM by CArizona

18. My Aunt could be "blunt" and "brutal" at times...She "put" others "down" left and right and didn't feel ashamed of herself. (Ever!)...She felt it was her "God-given right" to "spit-out" whatever she thought (or felt) and everyone was just suppose to "take it!"...Sometimes she reminded me of "Annie Oakley" or a "character" out of the "old wild west!"..But the "kicker" is that she used to brag about having "class" and "sophistication!" And viewed the rest of us as "hicks!" (Or ??)...But we weren't the ones who were "mouthing-off!" She was!...Her image (of herself) was "out of sync" with the way she "acted." Or the way others viewed her...It was "crazy!" She was completely out of touch with reality!...She was "bratty!" (A kid who never grew-up all the way.)...But in her mind she was the "end-all, be-all" and up on a very "high perch" (or throne) compared to everyone else!

    Posted 06-06-2013 at 06:55 AM by CArizona

19. These days I take things a little slower when I meet new people. (Potential friends.)...It's tempting to jump right "in" when there's an "instant click" with someone. It feels great!...But these type of relationships can "fizzle-out" just as fast as they started. Have you ever noticed this?...It reminds me of "love at first sight.".. The relationship becomes intense and "all-consuming." (Right off the bat!) And everyone gets caught-up in a "whirlwind."...Unfortunately only a small percentage of these "fast and furious" type of friendships last. (Or "survive.")...At some point the "bubble bursts" and reality sets-in and the "thrill" is "gone."...I don't want to get caught-up in "whirlwinds" anymore. Or go on "fast and furious rides." (That come to an abrupt end...And rapid "decline!")...I don't want to be "swept-up" or "swept-away!" From now on I'm going to play "slow-poke." And take my time getting to "know" people.

    Posted 06-07-2013 at 07:47 AM by CArizona

20. It's hard to be friends with someone who is "guarded." Or someone who has a lot of "secrets."...I don't think we have to reveal everything about ourselves right off the bat to every single person we meet...But we can't become "close" to people if we "keep mum" all the time. And refuse to "open-up" as the relationship "progresses."...If we're "free and clear" about our past it's easier to "share" with others.. This is how I feel anyway. We can explain "what was" and "why" and how we "got through" all of it. And what we "learned" in the "process."...If we have a lot of "hanging cliffs" or "unfinished business" from the past we don't have "clear-cut answers." (Or a sense of "resolution.").. How can we discuss something we don't really "understand" yet? And there is usually a prevailing sense of "shame."...The shame might involve the actions of others. Or our own actions...It takes time to come to "terms" with events from our past. It doesn't usually happen "overnight." And it takes a lot of "work" and dedication...I'm glad that I didn't remain an "angry adolescent" forever and ever. At some point I wanted to "heal" and let go of my "grudges" so I could have more "peace" in my life.

    Posted 06-08-2013 at 05:35 PM by CArizona

CArizona

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