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I wrote a big post the other day and was just getting ready to post it and the internet messed up at the cafe and I lost the whole thing. I'll try again.
The point I was trying to make is about the difference in viewpoints between conventional and holistic medicine. Conventional medicine has a tendency to look at the symptoms of the disease and treat those and that's why they concentrate on getting rid of a tumor. The tumor is a symptom of a breakdown in your body systems though and getting rid of the tumor may not help if you don't fix the underlying problem, which is that your body was unbalanced enough to allow a tumor to grow. That's why cancer often shows up again later--either related to the first one or another kind. Many people are shocked when I tell them that my holistic doc has little to no interest in my tumor and only in how my liver is today, or whatever he picks up that is off balance that day.
Also, folks seem to think that holistic medicine is like using an equivalent, but somehow inferior, herb for a conventional pill and sometimes that's the case but not always. Also, the herb has active ingredients plus supporting factors but the pill companies like to isolate out the active ingredient and standardize the dose, without realizing that you need all of the co-factors to work together--they may have a synergy that we're not even aware of, due to the limited nature of the studies. If you ask a doctor about taking an herb they'll probably tell you to take the standardized dose but beware of this advice.
I do take a lot of supplements though and in order to harness the power of the placebo effect, which is a powerful healer in its own right, I remind myself as I lay out my pills what each of them does for me. If I start to forget, I look it up again.
One more thing--my doc often prescribes treatments that sound outlandish, such as a gallbladder/liver flush, and it all sounds so very unscientific, but they do make me better. I have had brown spots in the whites of both eyes for years now, but with each flush they fade a little more and are almost gone now. Many of the treatments have been standard for centuries, but b/c they were not subjected to the scientific method, they are deemed worthless now. What arrogance to toss out several hundreds to thousands of yrs worth of treatments b/c they don't fit modern standards of care, which are often very harmful. Some people think that it's only b/c they couldn't do any better, but I think they knew more than we give them credit for.
Thank you for talking about those topics, as they are important. The last point is especially relevant. We shouldn't assume that we know more than our ancestors since we wouldn't likely be here without their knowledge.
I want to make it clear that I'm not a "perfect" example of someone treating themselves for cancer (another reason I think most people can do this if I can do this). I'm not a vegan, vegetarian, fruitarian, or raw foodie. My diet is *not* perfect, due to personal circumstances. Fresh, organic, and local foods aren't even available here for 6 months out of the year so it's very hard to be any of the above types of people unless you're willing to eat conventional produce from the store--and I'm not willing to do that. My decade-long illness from the IPL plus my current financial situation also limit me to eating cheap, basic (but wholesome) foods most of the time. I eat mostly beans, raw cheeses, salsa, guacamole, rice dishes, salads, potatoes, cereal grains (with organic whole milk), and canned or frozen veggies in the winter (summertime allows much more fresh produce). Once (sometimes twice) a week I make a meal with free-range meat. Once a week we order carry out from a local pizzeria or pick something up from Chipotle (the only fast food I will eat unless it's an emergency). I'd say 99% of what I eat is organically-grown, but it's definitely not a diet I would recommend to someone who could do better. If circumstances were ideal, I would be eating much better--more fresh produce all year, to be exact.
Full disclosure here, even though I know some will want to attack/criticize me because of this. I have kept eating sugar and smoking tobacco, and I now drink wine. The main difference is that now everything I ingest is organic, thus eliminating or greatly reducing my pesticide exposure. I think synthetic pesticides and GMOs are some of the worst things we can ingest.
As I said in the last post, I switched to organic sweeteners and my tolerance for sugar went way down; therefore, my "sugar" consumption is pretty low. I don't crave it at all, but I do find it necessary in some cases--like my morning cup of coffee. I use just a little organic evaporated cane sugar with some organic half-and-half. I only continue drinking coffee because that's where I add my liquid minerals (Lugol's, magnesium chloride, and sometimes molybdenum drops). My coffee is organic instant, half caffeinated and half decaf. I don't use a machine because I'm the only one drinking the coffee.
I went for 2 decades without drinking wine because of the added chemicals and sulfites. I am quite sensitive to them and couldn't even drink one glass because of the headache it would give me. The only reason I can drink wine now is because I finally found organic wine at a new store that come to town, and there aren't any added sulfites. Since I started having some each evening, my cancer test results haven't gotten any worse, so I don't feel like this addition is harming me at all. I'm now learning how to make my own wine so that I have pretty much complete control over the process and what goes into the drink.
I've been a smoker since I was 17-18. Several years ago, I started rolling my own--which eliminated a lot of the crap found in normal cigarettes. Soon after that, I switched to American Spirit organic tobacco and now roll my own with that. I do *not* feel like smoking is causing problems for me as far as the cancer is concerned, but obviously I'm not urging anyone to smoke. I like to smoke and I don't feel the need to stop. If I felt the need then I would stop.
Before anyone criticizes me for my lifestyle, just know that I've done everything I can to at least be on middle ground. I am not particularly fond of this world, and am really only staying in it because I have made responsibilities for myself. I've hated this world since the moment I came into it. I'm one of those "old souls" and I recognize that this world is a trap on many levels. On top of that, my life is so unhappy right now that it would be very bad to deny myself the things that I do actually enjoy. So I compromise and do the best I can with a really bad situation by choosing the lesser of "evils".
Again, this is all just to say that I think "going holistic" will work for just about anyone who is willing and who can put more money and effort into their healing than I've been able to do. I feel better now than I have in a decade, and I attribute it to the changes I've made in my life plus the supplements I take. These things keep me afloat and have allowed me to do much more than I was able to do 10 years ago, and that's good enough for me at this point. I would encourage all others to do the best with what they have. Do what you feel is right for you and your family (if applicable).
Disclaimer again: I'm really just speaking to those who have found their cancer in its early stages. If you're a stage four then you need to seriously make monumental changes in your lifestyle, and you need to see a professional who can help you through your illness until you are well. If I didn't catch mine early on, I would have to spend *much* more money and I would have to be more strict. All of the amalgams in my mouth would be gone, and I would be doing something close to the Gerson therapy.
I want to make it clear that I'm not a "perfect" example of someone treating themselves for cancer (another reason I think most people can do this if I can do this). I'm not a vegan, vegetarian, fruitarian, or raw foodie. My diet is *not* perfect, due to personal circumstances. Fresh, organic, and local foods aren't even available here for 6 months out of the year so it's very hard to be any of the above types of people unless you're willing to eat conventional produce from the store--and I'm not willing to do that. My decade-long illness from the IPL plus my current financial situation also limit me to eating cheap, basic (but wholesome) foods most of the time. I eat mostly beans, raw cheeses, salsa, guacamole, rice dishes, salads, potatoes, cereal grains (with organic whole milk), and canned or frozen veggies in the winter (summertime allows much more fresh produce). Once (sometimes twice) a week I make a meal with free-range meat. Once a week we order carry out from a local pizzeria or pick something up from Chipotle (the only fast food I will eat unless it's an emergency). I'd say 99% of what I eat is organically-grown, but it's definitely not a diet I would recommend to someone who could do better. If circumstances were ideal, I would be eating much better--more fresh produce all year, to be exact.
Full disclosure here, even though I know some will want to attack/criticize me because of this. I have kept eating sugar and smoking tobacco, and I now drink wine. The main difference is that now everything I ingest is organic, thus eliminating or greatly reducing my pesticide exposure. I think synthetic pesticides and GMOs are some of the worst things we can ingest.
As I said in the last post, I switched to organic sweeteners and my tolerance for sugar went way down; therefore, my "sugar" consumption is pretty low. I don't crave it at all, but I do find it necessary in some cases--like my morning cup of coffee. I use just a little organic evaporated cane sugar with some organic half-and-half. I only continue drinking coffee because that's where I add my liquid minerals (Lugol's, magnesium chloride, and sometimes molybdenum drops). My coffee is organic instant, half caffeinated and half decaf. I don't use a machine because I'm the only one drinking the coffee.
I went for 2 decades without drinking wine because of the added chemicals and sulfites. I am quite sensitive to them and couldn't even drink one glass because of the headache it would give me. The only reason I can drink wine now is because I finally found organic wine at a new store that come to town, and there aren't any added sulfites. Since I started having some each evening, my cancer test results haven't gotten any worse, so I don't feel like this addition is harming me at all. I'm now learning how to make my own wine so that I have pretty much complete control over the process and what goes into the drink.
I've been a smoker since I was 17-18. Several years ago, I started rolling my own--which eliminated a lot of the crap found in normal cigarettes. Soon after that, I switched to American Spirit organic tobacco and now roll my own with that. I do *not* feel like smoking is causing problems for me as far as the cancer is concerned, but obviously I'm not urging anyone to smoke. I like to smoke and I don't feel the need to stop. If I felt the need then I would stop.
Before anyone criticizes me for my lifestyle, just know that I've done everything I can to at least be on middle ground. I am not particularly fond of this world, and am really only staying in it because I have made responsibilities for myself. I've hated this world since the moment I came into it. I'm one of those "old souls" and I recognize that this world is a trap on many levels. On top of that, my life is so unhappy right now that it would be very bad to deny myself the things that I do actually enjoy. So I compromise and do the best I can with a really bad situation by choosing the lesser of "evils".
Again, this is all just to say that I think "going holistic" will work for just about anyone who is willing and who can put more money and effort into their healing than I've been able to do. I feel better now than I have in a decade, and I attribute it to the changes I've made in my life plus the supplements I take. These things keep me afloat and have allowed me to do much more than I was able to do 10 years ago, and that's good enough for me at this point. I would encourage all others to do the best with what they have. Do what you feel is right for you and your family (if applicable).
Disclaimer again: I'm really just speaking to those who have found their cancer in its early stages. If you're a stage four then you need to seriously make monumental changes in your lifestyle, and you need to see a professional who can help you through your illness until you are well. If I didn't catch mine early on, I would have to spend *much* more money and I would have to be more strict. All of the amalgams in my mouth would be gone, and I would be doing something close to the Gerson therapy.
I appreciate your post. I know what you mean about the "world being a trap". And while for myself I do not believe one should smoke, I understand your decision to do so, and do not judge. I also agree that we should allow ourselves to enjoy a few indulgences (for myself a couple glasses daily wine, and an occasional handful of chocolate covered nuts )
One other thing I would like to add, is that an important component of one's healing (or not) no matter which way they go is motivation and the WILL TO LIVE. My mother died of lung cancer at age 58. She had had a difficult and unhappy life, and was also a depressed and unhappy adult with few real pleasures other than eating a ton of junk and smoking. Most of her family died young as well. I always had a gut feeling she wouldn't live long, just because of her lifestyle and overall unhappiness. It makes me sad to this to day to think about it. But I learned long ago you just can't make someone else's life "all right", it has to come from inside them, and she just lacked the strength and the will for it.
Lastly, I myself was heading down a slippery slope several years ago. I had endured and suffered many hardships and depression in my life, with resultant illnesses and problems. During and after menopause I gained 50 lbs and just didn't care about anything, was also suicidal. Had many health problems, felt terrible, looked terrible, etc. even a breast cancer "scare". Once I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes, I went through a couple more years of feeling really bad and worrying excessively over it, until I finally somehow got control of things, started exercising, eating much healthier, taking care of my appearance, experimenting with and taking many supplements. Over a few years I lost the 50 lbs, developed muscle tone, and my skin looks smooth and vibrant (I am 66). The difference in my pictures from now and 4 years ago is astounding. People who haven't seen me in awhile are amazed- I have literally seen their jaws drop when they see me now! So yes, it is true, taking charge of oneself, and doing for and giving the body what it needs goes a truly long way toward improving ones' health.
I also want to say that it cannot be understated that happiness and satisfaction is a component of healing. I had to train myself to let go of old hurts, and things in life than I cannot control. I found new things that bring me great joy (taught myself to play accordion, and take all kinds of dance classes which I LOVE) and started being and even more outwardly expressive and loving individual than I already was. It is important to be happy and healthy on every level; body, mind and spirit.
I guess this got kind of long, and I hope it didn't seem OT, but I thought it went along with your thinking, Freedomdove, as well as that of the many other excellent posters here.
Unfortunately, I have no real support so I have to rely almost exclusively on my will-power and thoughts of the future for my kid and for all children. It's thankfully been enough to keep me here and not just let go. It would be very easy to let go if I didn't think about others who might need me here or need knowledge that I have--whether they realize it or not. I'm sad to report that there are days when the "I don't care anymore" attitude rears its ugly head, but I try to push it away quickly. I guess if I hadn't been exposed to so many internet trolls over the years, it might be different. I only want to help people and talking about these things is something I think helps. But then the trolls come running in and disrupting conversations and it makes me want to stop trying to help people. That's when it gets ugly in my mind. If I can't help people, then there will be very little here for me after my son is old enough to take care of himself. Also, if I can't find a suitable location for me to live after I leave this household, I'm not sure I want to stay. Seriously, where would I go if everywhere is hell? Lol.
But for now, I do what I can to stick around. Maybe something good will happen at some point soon.
For pathogens (these are things which I rotate within my regimen):
-oil of oregano
-rosemary
-noni
-black walnut hull
-wormwood
-clove
-mullein
-pau d' arco (also anti-cancerous)
-aloe (also anti-cancerous)
-Lugol's iodine also works on pathogen load
-bioelectric medicine (based on frequencies)
All of the herbs listed here (and more) are very good at reducing the pathogen load in our bodies--whether that be parasitic or fungal or whatever. Colloidal silver should also be on that list. I don't fight pathogens full time; I take breaks so my body can relax and recover. If I'm really on a roll and don't want to stop, I simply switch substances every 2-3 months, or more often. Sometimes I mix it up the whole time I'm working on the problem instead of staying on one medicine for 3 months and then switching to another. So for example, I may take oregano oil for a week and then switch to pau d' arco, or I'll use the oregano at night and something else during the day. The point of all that is so the pathogens don't become immune to any one thing I take. I hit them with one thing and then another so their chances of survival are lessened.
It's important to keep in mind that you might be killing off good bacteria in your body if you take those substances. I highly recommend that cancer patients take probiotics every day (or eat fermented foods/drinks), especially when doing a pathogen fight, so that you're constantly keeping up their numbers in your body. One big problem in today's world is that most people don't have enough good gut bacteria because of all the antibiotics they've taken and those that they're eating via factory-farmed animals and pesticide-sprayed produce. For example, Roundup is actually an antibiotic and it is used in excessive amounts in our agriculture system. If you haven't changed your diet to organic and free-range, it's likely that you're consuming antibiotics every day. Unfortunately, they're not good antibiotics and the world is becoming resistant to them because of their overuse, so it's not likely that they're fighting the good fight in our bodies. Rather, they are creating problems for our bodies. Their overuse in our society is also bringing the "antibiotic era" to an end rather quickly.
The bio-electric medicine I mentioned can be of various types. There's something called a zapper, which is just a little box that works on general pathogens. Then there is Rife technology, which uses specific frequencies based on which pathogens you have in your body. The machines I use are called Deta Elis. They are much smaller than Rife-based machines and they cost much less. They also take a while longer to work because they're so much smaller, so I just run my machines every day (though I've been slacking for several months b/c of some personal problems at home). The Deta Elis engineers (from Russia) use their own frequencies, which they spent 20 years investigating. It's quite possible that they use some of Rife's frequencies on top of their own. I'm not sure because the machines don't have numbers to punch in; they are pre-made programs.
Not being sure the Deta Elis would work since they are so small, I ran a test to judge its effectiveness on something that I could plainly see (conjunctivitis). After 2 weeks of using the program once a day, my eyes had cleared up almost completely. I didn't run it long enough to fully eradicate it from my body, though, so I do maintenance every once in a while on the conjunctivitis.
I've used a Rife-based machine before, and it really does pack a bigger punch than the Deta Elis machines. The problem with both of these technologies is that you really do need a diagnosis of each pathogen so you know what programs and codes to use. Deta Elis has a diagnostic machine but it's quite expensive; it's meant to be purchased by health practitioners to use in their office. For now, I can only wing it and guesstimate which pathogens are a problem for me. The nice thing about the Deta Elis is that they have many other programs that are useful to me, like detox programs, organ support and regeneration programs, and many others. I have both the DeVita RITM and the DeVita AP; together, they cover a lot of bases.
Quote:
For detoxing:
-dandelion root (also anti-cancerous)
-burdock root (also anti-cancerous)
-yellow dock root
-chlorella
-L-ornithine (for the effects of detoxing)
-MSM, selenium, and iodine also help in detox
-various other herbs on occasion
-bioelectric medicine (based on frequencies)
If anyone has questions about the above, just let me know. There is a ton of information out there about detoxing, and I can always post links to some of the more relevant stuff.
Again, the Deta Elis machines have several detox programs, which is why I listed it under this heading.
When fighting pathogens, it's quite likely that you may experience what's called the "Herxheimer reaction", depending on the pathogen in question and how hard you hit them. This is a widely recognized side-effect to killing off pathogens in the body. It's important to take measures against it, lest you get frustrated and give up. Also, it's just not very fun to herx. I would recommend drinking plenty of water and eating lots of healthy produce during this time, along with taking detox baths (full or foot baths) using things like sea salt, magnesium chloride, baking soda, and clay. The L-ornithine can help by basically scavenging the ammonia by-product that pathogens create as they're dying off. Activated charcoal can also be used to usher things out of your body (as long as you're not constipated). The other thing I do is to gradually increase my dosages of anti-microbials so that my body can handle the die-off and I don't have to feel worse.
Here's some more information about the herx reaction:
Unfortunately, I have no real support so I have to rely almost exclusively on my will-power and thoughts of the future for my kid and for all children. It's thankfully been enough to keep me here and not just let go. It would be very easy to let go if I didn't think about others who might need me here or need knowledge that I have--whether they realize it or not. I'm sad to report that there are days when the "I don't care anymore" attitude rears its ugly head, but I try to push it away quickly. I guess if I hadn't been exposed to so many internet trolls over the years, it might be different. I only want to help people and talking about these things is something I think helps. But then the trolls come running in and disrupting conversations and it makes me want to stop trying to help people. That's when it gets ugly in my mind. If I can't help people, then there will be very little here for me after my son is old enough to take care of himself. Also, if I can't find a suitable location for me to live after I leave this household, I'm not sure I want to stay. Seriously, where would I go if everywhere is hell? Lol.
But for now, I do what I can to stick around. Maybe something good will happen at some point soon.
Ignore the trolls! I certainly understand your feeling, and have had to train myself to not react to them. Some are just trolls for the "hell of it"; others are unhappy people with problems. Sometimes we can even "help" someone who originally presents as a troll. One of the things that has made me happy is helping others - I too, feel like it is my life's purpose, and realized long ago that it doesn't matter how big or small the helpful deed is, only that it is. I also like to bring joy to people - I do this by feeling joyful myself, and sharing that joy in my dancing and laughing. I have allowed myself to be and feel completely free to express myself; in words and dress; and hug and kiss people I have met (and like) for the first time. It feels great to hug and be hugged. This meant going out and being sociable, something that had always made me uncomfortable., and have only been doing this the last couple years! But it made an amazing difference in my life and my health!!!
Bottom line, helping people is good for us! It makes us feel good and is healthy and healing! So don't give up, and your good fortune may be right around the corner! It happened for me, we moved several years ago and was the best thing we ever did; we LOVE where we are! Make the most of your life, there is a lot of joy out there to be experienced; I climbed out of a very dark hole, and if I can, anyone can. Keep sharing here, you are probably helping more people than you realize!
Unfortunately, I have no real support so I have to rely almost exclusively on my will-power and thoughts of the future for my kid and for all children. It's thankfully been enough to keep me here and not just let go. It would be very easy to let go if I didn't think about others who might need me here or need knowledge that I have--whether they realize it or not. I'm sad to report that there are days when the "I don't care anymore" attitude rears its ugly head, but I try to push it away quickly. I guess if I hadn't been exposed to so many internet trolls over the years, it might be different. I only want to help people and talking about these things is something I think helps. But then the trolls come running in and disrupting conversations and it makes me want to stop trying to help people. That's when it gets ugly in my mind. If I can't help people, then there will be very little here for me after my son is old enough to take care of himself. Also, if I can't find a suitable location for me to live after I leave this household, I'm not sure I want to stay. Seriously, where would I go if everywhere is hell? Lol.
But for now, I do what I can to stick around. Maybe something good will happen at some point soon.
Please ignore the trolls. You're on a mission and you will always have people pulling you down, no matter what you choose to do. It's stronger when you're working outside the mainstream and I'm telling you this to remind myself also. IDK, I suppose they believe they're doing you a favor and in a way they are--you have learned a lot about this and in your mind you blow away their arguments with what you know to be true and therefore strengthen these concepts in your own mind so it's like building muscles. You won't change their minds but you'll strengthen your own. However, feel free to not waste typing time in making replies to them and they'll go away if we don't engage.
As for your don't care attitude and wanting to let go--beware. Be aware. This mindset is probably what got you sick in the first place. I've gone from working on the physical end, to the emotional and spiritual elements of this condition and have learned a lot. The one thing that I've realized is imperative is that I learn to love myself and I had no idea what that means when I started this journey. (I call it my "journey," not my "fight.")
I've had to go deeper and observe my self talk--oh how many times a day did I call myself an idiot? Would I have ever talked to my children like that? Never, so I had to learn to reframe my own thoughts about myself. Then just last week I had another breakthrough--I had been wondering just the night before whether I was loving myself enough and how does one know. Next morning I was making coffee and spilled some on the counter and started to walk away since I live alone and I'm a bit of a slob--not horrible, but if I knew someone were coming over, I'd need about 10 min to pick up. Then I thought--I'd pick up for someone else but why not myself? I'm the one who has to see it and who am I? Chopped liver? LOL, but I've been a lot neater ever since. After all, a neat house is a joy to live in and clutter makes for dissonance on an unconscious level. Of course I'll never be fanatical about it, but who would want to be? That's another form of self hatred.
You need to discover what makes life worth living for you--not just other people, but you. If you had no one else, what would matter to you? Some folks to look up on youtube are Louise Hay, Wayne Dyer, Joe Dispenza, and Bruce Lipton. Joe has a book called You Are the Placebo. Very very helpful I think.
Ignore the trolls! I certainly understand your feeling, and have had to train myself to not react to them. Some are just trolls for the "hell of it"; others are unhappy people with problems. Sometimes we can even "help" someone who originally presents as a troll. One of the things that has made me happy is helping others - I too, feel like it is my life's purpose, and realized long ago that it doesn't matter how big or small the helpful deed is, only that it is. I also like to bring joy to people - I do this by feeling joyful myself, and sharing that joy in my dancing and laughing. I have allowed myself to be and feel completely free to express myself; in words and dress; and hug and kiss people I have met (and like) for the first time. It feels great to hug and be hugged. This meant going out and being sociable, something that had always made me uncomfortable., and have only been doing this the last couple years! But it made an amazing difference in my life and my health!!!
Bottom line, helping people is good for us! It makes us feel good and is healthy and healing! So don't give up, and your good fortune may be right around the corner! It happened for me, we moved several years ago and was the best thing we ever did; we LOVE where we are! Make the most of your life, there is a lot of joy out there to be experienced; I climbed out of a very dark hole, and if I can, anyone can. Keep sharing here, you are probably helping more people than you realize!
You know, the majority of my happy moments are when I've been able to help others. There is just so much wrong with this world and so many people could use a hand. I've been 10 steps ahead of the crowd for quite some time, and I guess that makes me feel like I can help lead the way for some people. Idk if I do or not, but that's the goal. To make things easier for others--so that they can learn from my mistakes and successes. Unless they *want* to learn things the hard way--and some people do need that for their own growth.
I have a weird relationship with trolls. And I do mean actual paid trolls. I don't like to spend vast amounts of time arguing with their idiotic statements but I feel I must to a certain extent. If people like me don't stand up to them, then "normal" people who truly want to know the truth will be left without it. They will get the impression that these fools are right, just because they're the ones present in the conversation and are saying the most. Their lies are very slick, and I've noticed that it really does take someone like me to step up to them and prove them wrong. I've watched time and time again how other people aren't able to keep up with the trolling. I have to admit that it *is* exhausting at times--especially when the "conversation" goes on for a month or longer. I have one GM-troll who literally follows me around on Disqus comments, trying to bait me with his propaganda. After several months, I did start ignoring him since I had already put him in his place several times and didn't feel the need to keep going. I've stepped way back from commenting on the internet because I was starting to slip into the "I don't care" mode. When the only conversations you have are with pharma and GM-trolls, it gets old. There is very little relief from people like you and Jaminhealth and Stepka simply because there are so few of us out there who are open-minded and awake and can see the problems of the world so clearly.
I don't consider rude and asleep people to be real "trolls". I give them the benefit of the doubt because I was once asleep and manipulated. If it seems like it's probable that they are benefiting from their comments then I do question their status as a true troll. Some people are just bitter and angry or their ego is huge. Or they've been so heavily controlled that they can't see the other side of things. Our society has been brainwashed for decades. I can't really blame innocent people for what's been done to them; I can only hope they wake up soon.
Ignore the trolls! I certainly understand your feeling, and have had to train myself to not react to them. Some are just trolls for the "hell of it"; others are unhappy people with problems. Sometimes we can even "help" someone who originally presents as a troll. One of the things that has made me happy is helping others - I too, feel like it is my life's purpose, and realized long ago that it doesn't matter how big or small the helpful deed is, only that it is. I also like to bring joy to people - I do this by feeling joyful myself, and sharing that joy in my dancing and laughing. I have allowed myself to be and feel completely free to express myself; in words and dress; and hug and kiss people I have met (and like) for the first time. It feels great to hug and be hugged. This meant going out and being sociable, something that had always made me uncomfortable., and have only been doing this the last couple years! But it made an amazing difference in my life and my health!!!
Bottom line, helping people is good for us! It makes us feel good and is healthy and healing! So don't give up, and your good fortune may be right around the corner! It happened for me, we moved several years ago and was the best thing we ever did; we LOVE where we are! Make the most of your life, there is a lot of joy out there to be experienced; I climbed out of a very dark hole, and if I can, anyone can. Keep sharing here, you are probably helping more people than you realize!
I love this and I"m working on this as well. Also, I've become much happier and more outgoing since I got my dx than I ever was before. I thought I was a shy introvert but looking back at my early childhood I think I'm actually an outgoing introvert lol. I still need "me" time but love people and helping others as well--I'm a special ed teacher so my career reflects that. I'm actually kind of a drama type and never dreamed that this tendency would come in handy for teaching but it has been a big part of my teaching style since I started.
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