[Suncoast Guy]

Joe was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sick father died, he decided he needed a wife with whom to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment seminar he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will pass, and I'll inherit his large fortune."

Impress, the woman took his business card and three months later, she became Joe's stepmother.

Women are so much better at estate planning than men!!

[RTTNFAM]

Originally Posted by Suncoast Guy

Joe was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sick father died, he decided he needed a wife with whom to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment seminar he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will pass, and I'll inherit his large fortune."

Impress, the woman took his business card and three months later, she became Joe's stepmother.

Women are so much better at estate planning than men!!

HAhAHa!!!

[Suncoast Guy]

Three small kids were bragging about how tough they were. "I'm so tough", said the first little boy, "that I can wear out a pair of shoes in a week." The second little boy said, "I'm so tough, I can wear out a pair of jeans in a day." "That's nothing", said the third child. "When my parents take me to see my Grandma and Grandpa, I can wear them out in an hour."

[Rainbow Island]

A young boy had just received his driver's permit and asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he would make a deal with his son. "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we'll talk about the car." The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer and they agreed on it. After about six weeks his father said, "Son, I've been real proud. You brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm real disappointed you didn't get your hair cut." The young man paused a moment then said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had lo! ng hair, Moses had long hair. And there's even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair." To this his father replied, "Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went?"

[Rainbow Island]

A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs.

She went downstairs and looked all around, still not finding her husband.

Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, crying.

She asked him, :What's wrong with you?"

He replied: Remember when your father caught us together, when you were 16? Remember, he said, I had a choice: I could either marry you, or be sent to prison for the next 20 years."

Baffled, she said, "yes."........

The husband bawled, "I would have gotten out of prison today."

[Rainbow Island]

A mother took her five-year-old son with her to the bank on a busy
lunchtime. They got behind a very fat woman wearing a business suit
complete with pager.

As they waited patiently, the little boy said loudly, 'Gee, she's fat!' The
mother bent down and whispered in the little boy's ear to be quiet. A
couple of minutes passed by and the little boy spread his hands as far as
they would go and announced; 'I'll bet her butt is this wide!'

The fat woman turns around and glares at the little boy. The mother gave
him a good telling off, and told him to be quiet. After a brief lull, the
large woman reached the front of the line. Just then, her pager began to
emit a Beep, beep, beep. . .

The little boy yells out, 'Run for your life, she's backing up!!

[Rainbow Island]

A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet
rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who
comes over immediately. When he arrives, she
seductively signals that he should bring his face
closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently
caress his fullbeard. "Are you the manager?" she asks,
softly stroking his face with both hands. Actually,
no", the man replies. "Can you get him for me? I need to
speak to him", she says, running her
hands beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I
can't", breathes the bartender. "Is there anything I
can do?" "Yes, there is. I need you to give him a
message," she continues huskily, popping a couple of
fingers into his mouth and allowing him to
suck them gently. What should I tell him?" the bartender
manages to say. "Tell him," she whispers, "that there is
no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room."

[sandgirl]

ACTUAL LETTERS THAT DEAR ABBY WAS AT A LOSS HOW TO ANSWER

Dear Abby: A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

Dear Abby: What can I do about all the sex, nudity, language and violence on my VCR?

Dear Abby: I have a man I can never trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.

Dear Abby: I joined the navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now, how do I get out?

Dear Abby: My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.

Dear Abby: I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.

[sandgirl]

WHY PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE

This guy was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede (100-legged bug) , which came in a little white box. He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink.

So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to Frank's with me and have a beer?" But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?"

But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Frank's place and have a drink with me?

A little voice came out of the box ---- "I heard you the first time - I'm putting my damn shoes on!"

[Suncoast Guy]

When they asked the two monocles why they never got together, they said they'd like to, but didn't want to make spectacles of themselves.