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Old 11-08-2009, 05:21 AM
 
25,449 posts, read 11,728,356 times
Reputation: 25257

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Q. What did the mama cow say to the baby cow?

A. It's pasture bed time (past your)
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Old 11-11-2009, 08:25 AM
 
25,449 posts, read 11,728,356 times
Reputation: 25257
Q: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?

A: Because they taste funny
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Old 11-11-2009, 08:26 AM
 
25,449 posts, read 11,728,356 times
Reputation: 25257
A guy comes in to a bar and orders a double whiskey. He drinks it and looks in his pocket. Then he orders another one, drinks it and looks in his pocket again.

This is repeated a dozen times before the bartender asks him what he is doing.

He replies, "In my pocket I have a picture of my wife. When she gets good looking, I quit drinking..."
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Old 11-11-2009, 08:27 AM
 
25,449 posts, read 11,728,356 times
Reputation: 25257
A young man just had his first customer, which turned out to be a BIG BURLY truck driver. The young man walked up to the table where the truck driver was sitting and asked; can I take your order sir? The truck driver replied, sure kid I want three flat tires and two headlights. The young man was very puzzled and said, I beg your pardon? The truck driver said again, look kid; I want three flat tires and two headlights. The young man was still puzzled, but replied; yes sir, whatever. The young man then took the request to his boss who was the head cook. He told him about the truck driver's order, and that he wanted three flat tires and two headlights, "I think he's in the wrong place." The head cook said, I know what he wants, he wants three flap jacks and two eggs sunny side up; the truck driver is just trying to be smart, I know him. The cook said to the waiter here, take this bowl of beans, give it to him and say this. The truck driver said, Listen kid, I didn't order this; I said I wanted three flat tires and two headlights. The waiter replied, Well sir, the head cook said while you wait for your parts, you can gas up!
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Old 11-11-2009, 06:20 PM
 
Location: Haynesville, La.-Pangburn, Ar.
763 posts, read 2,660,338 times
Reputation: 694
We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
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Old 11-11-2009, 06:21 PM
 
Location: southern california
61,288 posts, read 87,395,538 times
Reputation: 55562
what is the difference between a codependent and a pit bull?
a pit bull knows when to let go.
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Old 11-11-2009, 06:21 PM
 
Location: Haynesville, La.-Pangburn, Ar.
763 posts, read 2,660,338 times
Reputation: 694
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
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Old 11-11-2009, 08:27 PM
 
9,732 posts, read 4,061,457 times
Reputation: 10810
A hillbilly was making his first visit to a hospital where his teenage son was about to have an operation.

Watching the doctor's every move, he asked, "What's that?"

The doctor explained, "This is an anesthetic. After he gets this he won't know a thing."

"Save your time, Doc," exclaimed the man. "He don't know nothing now.
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Old 11-11-2009, 08:28 PM
 
9,732 posts, read 4,061,457 times
Reputation: 10810
A high-powered executive was speeding down the street, talking on his cellphone. The police soon pulled him over. The executive completed his call and looked up at the officer. "Yes?" he said.

"I bet you don't even know why I stopped you, " the officer replied.

Said the executive, "You want to use my phone?"
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Old 11-11-2009, 08:29 PM
 
9,732 posts, read 4,061,457 times
Reputation: 10810
An old-timer is someone who remembers every detail of their life story, but cannot remember how many times they have told the same person.
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