Moving to Austin - Single - 40 - Male (Blessing: live, statistics)

[cBach]

Originally Posted by df175

Yes, you sound like the male version of a Sex and The City woman. You're in the wrong place. Plus, math. Your type is not attractive to a lot people here, except some of the newest (Coastal) arrivals who are typically under 30.

It'll be hard for you to understand, but your laundry list suggests a personality that reeks of insecurity that expresses itself in lack of a deeper person-hood, of a developed self through genuine life interests; that is based in the conceits of over ambition and appearance mongering - in cunning and cleverness, not intelligence wrought through authenticity.

Watch Slacker. Then go to a high school football game in a rural town outside of Austin. Really.

In many ways I am. I was educated in the Northeast (even though I'm a southerner through and through) so I got a lot of my mores up there I guess.

When I was in DC I dated a model, I guess perhaps when you've experienced that your standards get set pretty high and I need to reset to much lower expectations for Austin...

A funny factoid. Once I was dating a woman from CT and I guess she "got me". Her friend said "I wouldn't feel comfortable dating someone that much above me." Her response was "so you don't want to date a successful man then? You only want to date losers?"

Also what is "intelligence wrought through authenticity?" Sound like a euphemism for claiming intelligence without having it.

[RoamingTX]

Yep. It’s a mystery. Must be them.

[Austin97]

Originally Posted by cBach

In many ways I am. I was educated in the Northeast (even though I'm a southerner through and through) so I got a lot of my mores up there I guess.

When I was in DC I dated a model, I guess perhaps when you've experienced that your standards get set pretty high and I need to reset to much lower expectations for Austin...

A funny factoid. Once I was dating a woman from CT and I guess she "got me". Her friend said "I wouldn't feel comfortable dating someone that much above me." Her response was "so you don't want to date a successful man then? You only want to date losers?"

Also what is "intelligence wrought through authenticity?" Sound like a euphemism for claiming intelligence without having it.

It is interesting what you consider to be high standards. Your entire frame of reference is clearly off. I dont begrudge anyone what they want, but be realistic about why you arent getting what you claim you want.

Lots of wealthy, handsome, single men play the field their entire lives. It is a fine life. Don't chase someone else's dream of settling down and having kids. The hardest thing in life is to truly understand the life you want to live.

Every woman eventually becomes a wrinkled hag. If you marry someone at all because of looks you are doomed. If you marry because of character and values, those things will stay constant over a lifetime.

I value:

Kindess and a desire to give
A positive outlook on life
Ability to admit mistakes
Desire to become a better human being
Lack of desire for material wealth

So my wife (mostly) has those things.

[Trainwreck20]

I have lived in Austin pretty much my whole life. Was never a big-time dating person - i.e. spent more time 'single' and enjoying it than 'paired'; however, I eventually met my future wife at 37 and have been happily married for 12 years now.

Anyway, it would be fun to analyze all this, but it might be taken the wrong way. If I can find a spouse with the limited amount of effort I put forth, than anyone can.

Btw, if you look at the earlier graph, find your age, and then draw a line left about 5 or 6 years, you might find the 'market' a bit more equal. You don't have to find someone your exact age; statistically, I think slightly younger women/older men is more common anyway.

[ScoPro]

Originally Posted by als1741

That's not even remotely true. Sign up for a coed sports league and you'll be on a team with way more men than women, regardless of the sport. Join a meet up group and the majority of the time there is way more men than women. Go to pretty much any bar in Austin on a Friday or Saturday night and you'll see way more men than women. Unless, these men all brought their Nintendo Switches to the bar, you are extremely ignorant and naive in your statement.

Looks like somebody's humor detector was stolen by the Grinch.

My wife & I celebrated our 50th Anniversary this past summer, so what do I know?

[riaelise]

I can't comment on dating in Austin but I will say this - by not having as many "roadblocks" I was able to find my ideal mate. That doesn't mean that you should have no standards. What it does mean is not painting yourself into a corner by having such a laundry list of requirements. Yeah, I guess it would be great to have someone who hits 90% of the preferred partner list but I've found that you'd miss out on some pretty awesome people that way. Sometimes you should just let things happen organically. There was this guy I met on an online message board years ago. We had shared interests - we both were gamers. We liked "geeky" things. We found ourselves chatting for hours on various topics. I saw his picture, but he had never seen mine. Over time, I found myself drawn to this guy. I was falling for him as a person. Well one night after getting drunk I admitted that I was falling for him and he admitted that he felt the same way. We decided to meet in person, despite living in two different states. We decided on New York City and when we met, well...the attraction was magnetic. We've been together ever since, married 14.5 years, two kids. I am attracted to him, but even he will tell you he's no GQ model. He didn't have a lot of degrees, in fact he didn't finish. He made less than I did but he was ambitious (and that ambition paid off because he has surpassed me earnings wise). I'm not model quality, but I've had no issues attracting men. My husband admitted that he would not have approached me on the street. It's the intangible things that ultimately matter. Had I been so out of reach and with so many requirements, I would have missed out on a WONDERFUL, NICE man who is the greatest father my children could ever have and makes me feel whole.

BTW, over the course of our marriage, after giving birth to two children, I gained a whopping 70 lbs. So that "hot babe" (when we married I was 5'10, 135) he had before changed. He never stopped loving and desiring me. Now, at 42, when I'm supposed to go downhill (lol), the hot babe returned, courtesy of working out and living a healthier lifestyle. I'm 5'10, with muscles. Best shape I've ever been in. It sure is nice to know that he found me beautiful even when I wasn't at my peak. It's nice to know that our marriage has strong roots.

ETA - we play on the Switch as a family

[A-Tex]

Originally Posted by cBach

In many ways I am. I was educated in the Northeast (even though I'm a southerner through and through) so I got a lot of my mores up there I guess.

When I was in DC I dated a model, I guess perhaps when you've experienced that your standards get set pretty high and I need to reset to much lower expectations for Austin...

A funny factoid. Once I was dating a woman from CT and I guess she "got me". Her friend said "I wouldn't feel comfortable dating someone that much above me." Her response was "so you don't want to date a successful man then? You only want to date losers?"

Also what is "intelligence wrought through authenticity?" Sound like a euphemism for claiming intelligence without having it.

You're much older now. You have a kid. You have a couple of ex-wives. You don't have enough money to compensate for those things for many women in your unrealistic target market.

[cBach]

Originally Posted by Austin97

It is interesting what you consider to be high standards. Your entire frame of reference is clearly off. I dont begrudge anyone what they want, but be realistic about why you arent getting what you claim you want.

Lots of wealthy, handsome, single men play the field their entire lives. It is a fine life. Don't chase someone else's dream of settling down and having kids. The hardest thing in life is to truly understand the life you want to live.

Every woman eventually becomes a wrinkled hag. If you marry someone at all because of looks you are doomed. If you marry because of character and values, those things will stay constant over a lifetime.

I value:

Kindess and a desire to give
A positive outlook on life
Ability to admit mistakes
Desire to become a better human being
Lack of desire for material wealth

So my wife (mostly) has those things.

I agree that the list of character traits you list is desirable (except the last one, who wants to be broke and not be able to afford healthcare or other things like that).

There was this one woman I was with, she was all the great things character-wise and I tried dating her for a while but the chemistry just wasn't there for me. I realized that there had to be a physical attraction component. In addition, I realize I spent years studying esoteric topics, it would be nice to be able to talk to someone about at least some of them. On another point, the model was very self centered and I eventually couldn't stand her so it goes both ways. I think she has to be a mix of character, practicality, beauty, wisdom, and there has to be that spark.

I don't mind being single so I don't mind searching for "my perfect woman" even if she doesn't exist. I'd rather be happily single then unhappily married which I've done twice. I also know that time is on my side. We live really long in my family (thank you mom and dad for my DNA) and the ratios only get better for men, so I'm waiting for that opportunity when the stars are aligned better. I may just be that last man in the nursing home when the ratio is 20 women to 1 man

Also, although I tell the poster not to move here because of ratios, you'll notice my feet are firmly planted here. Firstly, I hate cold weather so NYC/DC doesn't work for me and secondly I hate the high prices/crowds.

[Trainwreck20]

Originally Posted by ashbeeigh

[...]I'm not a ten but not a two. [...]

Now I have that damn Willie Nelson song stuck in my head!

Just in case, I will link it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPJQ23Lpejg

[Trainwreck20]

Originally Posted by als1741

That's not even remotely true. Sign up for a coed sports league and you'll be on a team with way more men than women, regardless of the sport. [...]

The co-ed volleyball was almost always more women than men (back when my knees would let me play volleyball). Don't know about other sports, didn't play any other rec leagues. Aussie's leagues used to be a pretty even mix on any given night, but I never actually counted.

FWIW, I met my obligatory 'psycho' GF (everyone has to have one somewhere in their dating history) in a volleyball group. That probably pre-dated the 'age gap years' that y'all are talking about though, but not by much - I think I was 34?

After that, I dated a former co-worker (I had changed jobs) but the age difference (10 year-ish?) was a little too much, I think. That one ended amicably enough, though.

I met my wife via a blind date - a co-worker of mine is married to a co-worker of her. We are both engineers by education, but she has an advanced degree and makes much more than me. I highly recommend marrying a younger woman that makes more than you - I plan on an early retirement!