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The Hidden Meaning of Brutal Honesty
January 25th, 2013 by Bob Burg
Those who take pride in being “brutally honest” are typically more interested in being brutal than they are in being honest.
Indeed, sometimes difficult and uncomfortable things need to be said (and honesty in saying them is very important!). Usually, however, they can be said with tact and kindness.
Being “brutally honest” is often more about the person speaking than about the person they are speaking to.
"Maybe, but the reason I love watching him is not the pain he inflicts, but what I’ve seen him do as a leader in his field- and that’s produce other leaders, winners, musical legends".
"Look deeper and see what you have to learn from him about bringing out the best in people."
"As leaders, we tend to care about those we lead, and sometimes it causes us to be less than honest for fear of hurting their feelings. In truth, we’ve not protected them from the truth, but rather delayed its impact on their life. Leaders must be honest, whether it’s promising or painful."
"And if that means being critical, so be it. I hate political correctness. I absolutely loathe it.” A leader will understand that not only does the truth hurt, but he or she has to pick what’s uniquely best for their organization or team, no matter what others might think, say or do. It’s essentially leading based on the perfect blend of courage and vision. And some people will criticize and hate you for it. In the words of Simon, “so be it.”
"In both 2004 & 2010, Simon Cowell was voted as one of the 100 most influential people in the world" (Note, I didn't see Bob Burg on this list)
KimberlyReutov thank you for taking the time to share your story with me. First off, I do hope that your little guy gets the best in care wherever he is treated - I shall say a prayer that the island living brings him well being. As far as learning the way of Aloha I can understand the importance of this. Truth be told I am kind by nature and go out of my way to show kindness to others, but certain posters wore me down and I reacted with less than stellar behavior. Letting it go always serves one best, if for no other reason than one's own health and well being.
I spent a fair amount of childhood in Northern Virginia and only slightly know Williamsburg from a field trip decades ago, but can imagine how overjoyed you must be with the change. Asheville is lovely but my husband is now 100% remote and a change in scenery is calling! As I am writing this it is about 70 % humidity but feels closer to 90%!
I thought I would like to try living in Hilo it brings to mind the lush green of Ireland, but the husband and kids want to look toward Kona for access to water sports.
As far as diet goes, we will actually save a great deal on groceries as we juice a lot and don't do dairy. I drink a lot of green juice these days and on hot evenings we skip cooking completely and enjoy whatever we get at our farmers market. How wonderful to have complete meals of tropical fruits and fresh coconut water! I recall groceries being quite high the last time we were in Northern Va - coconut water was $3.50 for a single serving. I know we will eat well once in Hawaii.
If you don't mind me asking, how big is your place? My research is turning up small homes at around $1,900 so far in Kona. Our current home in Asheville is a little over a 1,000 feet and we love it as it is almost all floor to ceiling windows on the ground floor. We are looking at homes a little larger this time around as we would like some office space.
Does your new home have reliable internet? This keeps popping up as our biggest concern. Certainly without it we could not make this move happen. We will have four weeks in November to find a home with solid internet and a landlord to accept two kitties and a dog.
As far as your daughter receiving more love from her new Aunties and Uncles on the island, I say it is the love that is important regardless of who offers it up. Like your husband, I am also from a family of eleven - I am second to the youngest. A little advice to you - please do not be hurt by the fact that his sibs are less than very loving toward your children. I think many people marrying in to large families expect love to abound, whereas this is rarely the case. I lived in Ireland as a kid and noticed the larger the family, the less inclined the siblings were to remain close. I don't know your husband's situation, but in my large Irish Catholic family it was and is survival of the fittest and this mindset doesn't go hand in hand with love if you know what I mean.
Don't worry about me having issue with the aloha way. In Asheville I go out of my way to extend kindness to those around me - sort of a desire to get out of one's own way. I know you have visited Asheville and probably fully get where I am coming from with this mindset - there are so many around us here that need a helping hand and a kind smile. I have never wanted for anything materially, so my family finds great joy in giving as much as we can to the many in need.
This past year my eldest kids decided that next year would be a no shopping Christmas after watching how stressed so many of the adults looked on a CNN Black Friday news story. So the giving without thought of return - we got that down already. I think we will adjust beautifully to the slower pace of life. Asheville is fun and exciting in the oddest way but slow and kind it is not.
No worries on real estate agents - I have no desire to buy - ever. Well perhaps in retirement if we truly find a spot on earth that makes us want to put down roots we will opt for an option like the one below. My husband thinks I am crazy but this is my dream house for our retirement days.
Thanks again for your beautiful post and best of luck on your new life in paradise!
Thank you Dave!!! We are so happy to be here. Everyday we are thankful for our good fortunes living in Hawaii.
Last month we spoke with Robyn Baglow, a realtor in, Naalehu. She says HGTV is developing a special real estate program specifically focusing on the Big Island. Robyn will be participating. The show, Buying Hawaii, will target audiences seeking property in the median price range of $175,000. For that sum certainly KONA will not be the market, it'll be Volcano to Hilo. Robyn said the rebels near Pahala will not be welcoming.
HGTV's Buying Alaska started a land rush. Mostly vacation properties and million dollar places. Big difference compared to what will happen to the average family trying to buy a home here.
OpenD - spot on as always! I will heed your advice on this myself. I have found that I never regret kindness but always regret sinking to a level where I am being hurtful to another. Feeling crap always follows after the satisfaction of nailing someone for stupidity wanes.
What comes to mind immediately is how polite and composed Cat Stevens remained as the U.S. federal agents handcuffed and removed him from an airplane in Boston as his distraught daughter looked on. After being held and later released for "terrorist concerns," he said during an interview that he felt no anger or resentment and even signed autographs for the considerate Feds. That is true grace under pressure. Perhaps I will channel Cat the next time I feel like reacting to something that is better let go.
Before you move here you should visit. No question this island would be a brilliant move for overall wellbeing.Educational opportunities are vast. Watching the sunset at Buddha point, star gazing at Mauna Kea, the pure awesomeness of Volcano, scuba, snorkeling underwater worlds cannot be duplicated. Yet to enjoy this magnificence everyday you will need to learn the way of Aloha. This is not meant to be taken personally. Island living is like nothing you live now.
Yes, exactly. "Island living is like nothing you live now." That's significant. No matter what one's lifestyle is, there are figuratively 1,001 things about living in Hawai'i which are different from anyplace else in the country.
If only we could convey this simple truth to others in a way they would easily and deeply comprehend, it would probably save everyone a lot of time and effort and possibly even some drama and difficulty.
But lacking that ability we seek to find details that communicate this simple truth, and then pile those details up to try to be more convincing that "Island living is like nothing you live now."
At least most of us here have a genuine desire to be helpful to the seekers, no matter what conclusion they ultimately reach for themselves.
Gahhhh! Buying Hawaii, and being bought by vacationers and millionaires, is exactly what Hawaii does not need. The fallout of the last real-estate bubble is not yet cleaned up, the locals are still living with 3 generations cramped under one roof, and now something like this. I was just noticing that on Kaua'i at least, nobody builds regular neighborhoods anymore.
We live on on the Hilo side of the island, locals call Old Hawaii. Life here is laid back, easy going, less touristy compared to Kona. There is a farmers market everyday, extra vendors on Wednesday's/Saturday's when cruise ships pull in. (Kona gets twice the visitors Hilo does). Your family would do very well in North Hilo. The rental market seems geared (Meaning priced) for guests who are not from Hawaii or have family to stay with that are looking for an extended stay/rental. Our home is situated in a scenic area. A rare opportunity for rental. We are paying more for location over space. (We are half a mile from the splendor of the botanical garden). We have two levels totaling maybe 900 feet. We have seen four bedroom, two bath homes with average square footage of 1,800 with acreage listings at $1,300 near Akaka Falls. Very gorgeous too. Wifi is solid here. You can purchase a package deal for around $50. TMobile service is horrible. At&t or Verizon are suppose to be good.
Weather wise Kona seems to be 99% sunny when we are there with a temp of 85 feeling 90 plus. Kona is mostly black lava fields. Greenery is mostly landscaped around resorts. Living in Kona is not attractive to us simply because it is a location destination for tens of thousands. Folks are friendly. Shopping excellent. Certainly internet must be the best on the island. You will pay much more for rent plus utilities.
Another great area to consider is Waimea. You will love cowboy country. The weather is cooler. Rents are the best (Excluding Puna and Mountainside). Homes are more modern. You are closer to the greatest beaches, snorkeling. Mauna Kea is close where your children could volunteer get in some snowboarding. You will be 40 minutes from Kona or 60 from Hilo. They have a farmers market on Sunday too.
There are obviously other options, possibilities where to live. These are where we are familiar. There is a transit system that goes around the entire island. I think it is a dollar to ride. You would be investing time over money using it. Pretty good biking conditions if you use that mode of transportation.
I so hear you about coconut. We were buying young coconuts in Seattle for $1.59 which was way better than $2.50 a bottle in Portland. Yet we could never find a reliable produce market to supply fresh (Which really after being radiated probably lost what little betterment left after long shipping from Thailand). Bottled water is equally processed, pasteurized. You will live here for the coconuts alone!!!! Farmers markets have them for about $1.50 each or you can just pick them off a low branch from a short tree just about everywhere or like we do sometimes give a local kid $20 to climb higher to get us vines of them. Coconuts here do not have a flavor. They sure are refreshing.
When you move here you will be very, very, happy you did not wait for retirement to come.
When you arrive if you need anything we should be well settled. Our family will be glad to assist yours in relocating however we may be of help.
Thank you Dave!!! We are so happy to be here. Everyday we are thankful for our good fortunes living in Hawaii.
Amen to that - I was offered a great salary on the BI which helped bring me back, but my plan was always to come back I'll be able to open my own practice on the island finally, and contribute something this island desperately needs (specialized medicine right on the Island). I perform some assessments and tests that are currently now only offered on O'ahu, so I'm really excited to finally give back to the beautiful land that I spent many years in during my youth! I am happy to meet others like you, and look forward to a possible meet-up at some point (if that's something that will ever pan out). If not, we can always meet up during Farmer's Market!
Quote:
Originally Posted by KimberlyReutov
Another great area to consider is Waimea. You will love cowboy country. The weather is cooler. Rents are the best (Excluding Puna and Mountainside). Homes are more modern. You are closer to the greatest beaches, snorkeling. Mauna Kea is close where your children could volunteer get in some snowboarding. You will be 40 minutes from Kona or 60 from Hilo. They have a farmers market on Sunday too.
I always end up recommending Waimea to newer folks who are unsure of which side of the island to live on. I am slightly biased, as that is where I am building my home, though I live in Hilo! Though others have said (and I quote) it's quite a hike to get to any beaches, I disagree I think its the perfect location - about an hour from KK and Hilo, and there's a nice little airport right in town (not very viable but still). You can see the cross-section of dry/warmer to wet/cooler within a few miles, and the views are amazing. The beaches towards KK and Kwai are stunning, and the small cities tucked away throughout the Hamakua are just beautiful - both are easily within a half-hour drive (KK obviously longer). Great little community, and some of the best grass-fed beef ever! I love that there are so many beautiful loop drives that start/end in Waimea, and the Kohala up towards Hawi is a beautiful drive. Great tubers and fruit grow there, and there used to be a great little eatery (maybe called Auntie's?) in Hawi. It's been years and Im sure my memory has failed me, or it's closed.
Either way, I recommend Waimea for those reasons often, and I find many people who start there quickly decide where they want to end up. Rent's pretty reasonable, education is good, infrastructure is growing, and the Community Hospital is slowly getting larger as well (I'll be contracting there starting July). If nothing else, it's a great base to start exploring a possible life on the BI.
I too find KK to be a bit bleak, and part of why I don't live there. I am just a rain-guy, and I love Waiakea-Uka part of Hilo - beautiful views of town, up in elevation with a breeze, and lots and lots of beautiful lush greenery due to the rain. I love the Big Island Tea company, and their plantation is pretty close to me. The tons of botanical gardens around Hilo town are beautiful, and I honestly couldn't imagine living anywhere else (except maybe about an hour north and west ).
Big Island is home, and I am now grateful to be able to live here again and give back to the community I so dearly love. Now, if only I could find some other Hawaiian speakers to kama'ilio with >.<
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"Island living is like nothing you live now."
I'll be able to open my own practice on the island finally, and contribute something this island desperately needs (specialized medicine right on the Island). I perform some assessments and tests that are currently now only offered on O'ahu, so I'm really excited to finally give back to the beautiful land that I spent many years in during my youth! I am happy to meet others like you, and look forward to a possible meet-up at some point (if that's something that will ever pan out). If not, we can always meet up during Farmer's Market!
I think its the perfect location - about an hour from KK and Hilo, and there's a nice little airport right in town (not very viable but still). You can see the cross-section of dry/warmer to wet/cooler within a few miles, and the views are amazing. The beaches towards KK and Kwai are stunning, and the small cities tucked away throughout the Hamakua are just beautiful - both are easily within a half-hour drive (KK obviously longer). Great little community, and some of the best grass-fed beef ever! I love that there are so many beautiful loop drives that start/end in Waimea, and the Kohala up towards Hawi is a beautiful drive. Great tubers and fruit grow there, and there used to be a great little eatery (maybe called Auntie's?) in Hawi. It's been years and Im sure my memory has failed me, or it's closed. 
