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I just wanted to float this general question out there to the transplants into WNY
Are there any people who ever felt out of place in WNY?
For a little background on me, I moved here after living a lifetime in Minneapolis, MN to attend Dental School at UB in the Fall, I've been here for a little over 8 months working and stockpiling money away...Long Story Short, I went to where ever I got a seat and where I thought it would be a good fit. The Other Schools I applied to where either in the sunbelt (Im a cold weather, snow boarding person thank you)!!
To make this clear, I have nothing against the people of Buffalo at all, but it just feels like to me like the people here are very interconnected....like everybody here knows everybody or knows somebody who knows somebody they know (You know what im saying right lol?). When you live here, thats a plus! But when youre an outsider, it also seems like to me like a lot of people dont necessarily open up to outsiders too much and/or it can be very tough to fit in here when your an outsider. Especially when you live a straight edged- Alcohol Free lifestyle, and I avoid bars and it doesnt really seem to fly around here at all with a lot of people. Actually, I refuse to step foot into a bar. And I do think dating here is really tough as well.
However for the Pros of being here, there are a lot of things I like about Buffalo:
However i'm a huge Food Person, and Buffalo must have one of the best and unique food scenes I've ever seen. And of course hockey...I always find a common ground there with locals. Before I came here, I used to think Minnesota (And Detroit) was the only city where people put Hockey before all sports....I moved here and I stand corrected....Sports here definetly dominates and ive never seen a more supportive and prouder city, but yet classy to the point where you can wear opposing team jerseys to a game and not get assulted like in Philly....and dont worry Sabrefans....we're taking very good care of Jason Pomminville....and I hope the first round pick that ended up being Nikita Zadorov works out well for you guys. And im glad to see there's a strong NLL appeal here. I'll tell you, if you knew nothing about the NLL or the Bandits outside of Buffalo, you would literally think that the Bandits and the NLL were as big as the NHL in some cities. In Minny, I had the Minnesota Swarm and I think filling half of their arena would be good attendance ! Cost of Living and Proximity to Canada and other major cities (Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Detroit) is a plus.
But overall for me personally, I do feel out of place here, and I feel like for me, this is a better place to visit...and it is a awesome place to visit...but I also get why many locals love to live here...home is home to many.
To any other outsiders (Or Non-Outsiders): Have you ever felt the same way upon moving here? How do you like Buffalo? And Where are you from?
My only suggestion would be to find some additional social outlets which will get you involved with people.
Although yes, some people have broad social spectrum in the area, locals hardly all know someone or are just one person removed from someone in a metro area of over a million people. That said, some communities are more tightly nit than others.
That said, I am sure cities like Washington DC which are largely populated by transplants have a very different feel than Buffalo, who's population is predominantly locals who have lived here most of their life.
I came for college in the 1960s. I never left. I married a local guy and didn't ever consider wanting to leave -- and I knew that before I left.
You need social connections. Skip only thinking bars for social, the people there are looking for a different kind of socialization than you want... Find something on campus, or a professional society for your field, or find a a church. Try volunteering, in your field outside of it. Maybe sports teams need volunteers too. I think your issue is you don't have lots of extra time. You should try to make friends with the locals you meet -- I did, never regretted it. Even those who are gone are still close friends... they retired and moved to warm places ( we like it cold; we are still here).
I hope you find what you want; yes, there are good places and people here.
What about areas where there may be more transplants in the area? I ask, because I'm sure that the colleges and universities bring/attract people from other areas.
Also, perhaps checking out a publication like Artvoice can let find out about events that you may be interested in, but aren't publicized as much as some other events. Artvoice: Buffalo's #1 Newsweekly
. Especially when you live a straight edged- Alcohol Free lifestyle, and I avoid bars and it doesnt really seem to fly around here at all with a lot of people. Actually, I refuse to step foot into a bar.
Being a non-drinker in Buffalo is a problem. I'm a WNY native returning this summer after 15 years in the NYC area, but my wife has lived on Long Island for most of her 41 years, so there will be some adjustment for her (she did graduate from UB so she has lived in WNY before). She's not crazy about the weather in Buffalo and will miss stuff like Broadway shows, but the one thing she is looking forward to is the more relaxed social culture in WNY, which includes lots of alcohol consumption! Seriously there is nothing better than going out to a bar or having friends over for a couple of drinks just to socialize. People where I live now are very driven by their careers, status and keeping up with the Jonses, and it's hard to get people to stop for a minute to enjoy their surroundings, while WNY is more laid back and more about enjoying family, friends and life.
It sounds like you have many of the traits such as liking sports that are essential to socializing in WNY. Maybe you could get into some organized sports league? Maybe a church group (if you are religious). You could go to a sports oriented bar and not drink, I'm sure people won't give you a hard time about not drinking.
I had problems socializing when I lived in Buffalo in my 20's too and I was a native! However, that problem has seemed to dissappear now that I'm 40-ish. I'm not sure if it's me, or maybe it's that WNY just seems to be a better fit for middle aged people with families like me.
I think that Upstaters in general tend to be a little bit reserved towards newcomers (there's a thread on the Albany forum about this, too). IMO, most of this comes from all those people who have deep roots here and have never lived elsewhere except maybe for a few years in college or the military, and who rely on their long time familial and work connections for their social lives. Part of this comes from the fact that Upstate, and especially Buffalo and WNY, being so frequently dissed in the national media over the years. Part of it comes, too, I think, from many Upstaters tending to be more laid back and polite than in many areas of the East: they don't want appear pushy or nosy, so they don't rush up to instantly embrace strangers. It takes them awhile. Consequently, a naturally reserved outsider may find too many locals like himself/herself in WNY.
I'm a native WNYer who has relocated several times over my adult life, primarily living in Buffalo, Albany, and now in the Southern Tier. IMO the best way for "outsiders" to make friends with Upstaters is to share a common interest. Maybe it's sports. Maybe it's music or art. Maybe it's your kids ... or your dogs. Since I'm not much of a bar scene person and I don't have kids, I've made most of my non-work friends through walking my dogs in public parks where other dog walkers bring theirs.
My suggestion is that if you have a dog, start walking it in a park like Delaware Park in the city or take it to one of the local dog parks: the Bark Yard in Buffalo or Dog Island in Amherst. If you don't have a dog, perhaps you could borrow a pup from someone on weekends. Maybe offer a "dog sitting" or "dog walking" service for $. "Dog people", especially in Buffalo and WNY, are exceedingly friendly and helpful ... and as a young friend of mine once said, "dogs are chick magnets"!
In WNY, you don't see a lot of "newcomers", it's mostly people with a long history and family in the area. People are nice and friendly, but somewhat "parochial" in that you don't have the huge number of transplants with different experiences that some areas have. That tends to make newcomers be seen as unique and can take the locals some time to warm up to them. Maybe "warm up" is a poor term, it's more a matter of getting used to people from a different background. Once past that people are very welcoming and friendly-far from the typical image you might have if you infer anything from TV shows based in NY City.
It's quite a contrast with my current area, which has had a huge influx of people from all over the country. Of the 13 of us at the company I work at I don't think more than 2-3 are "natives". That tends to foster a little more welcoming and accepting attitude from those outside the area, and brings people with a different, more indepentand mindset here in the first place.
In WNY, you don't see a lot of "newcomers", it's mostly people with a long history and family in the area. People are nice and friendly, but somewhat "parochial" in that you don't have the huge number of transplants with different experiences that some areas have. That tends to make newcomers be seen as unique and can take the locals some time to warm up to them. Maybe "warm up" is a poor term, it's more a matter of getting used to people from a different background. Once past that people are very welcoming and friendly-far from the typical image you might have if you infer anything from TV shows based in NY City.
It's quite a contrast with my current area, which has had a huge influx of people from all over the country. Of the 13 of us at the company I work at I don't think more than 2-3 are "natives". That tends to foster a little more welcoming and accepting attitude from those outside the area, and brings people with a different, more indepentand mindset here in the first place.
While it is true that it is mostly people who have lived here a long time, but Buffalo is FAR from unwelcoming. The object is to meet locals. If you make friends with the locals ( as I did at college, at church - and later, on the job ), you have no trouble. The OP is a student. Many students will be local, even at a professional school. His best bet is to cultivate friendships with some - not the "I'm here for schools and then getting the [blank] out" people. I also found joining my church was a great place to meet people. So is volunteering - find a field you are intersted in and volunteer: library, meals of wheels, teaching , tutoring, miliions of things. If you try to make an inroad with the local people, the locals will be fine with you... In the end, I married a local - never left, never regretted it, love the city, loved raising my family here. But it all started with making friends with the people from Buffalo at college, not hanging out with the transplants.
Ask any one of the millions of Canadians flooding our facilities how welcoming Buffalonians are. It isn't called "The City of Good Neighbors" for no reason. My father delivered at UPS for over 20 years. He had a half dozen families that would cook him lunch in winter just to be kind.
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