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This is the dementia clock that is very highly recommended by many caregivers. With only the day of the week and morning, afternoon, evening and night, it does not give too much additional (often confusing) information. It is preset (ex. night starts at 10 PM) but you can easily change when it switches to the next time period to meet your loved ones individual needs.
That's cool. Right now Mom needs to know the hour, because she gets picked up for therapy at specific times as well as meals being served at specific times. She's OK with it now that she "believes the clock." Wow, that was crazy there for a little while, when she was convinced that the clock, not her mind, was wrong. And if you showed her another clock, she'd say that one was wrong too.
She just asked me to bring every clock from her house over so even in her tiny apartment, there is a large clock in every room. Visible from every place she sits. And she also has her talking watch on. She is very fixated with the exact time. This means that every time I go over there, I have to be sure that every clock is running well and on time! Oh well. Small price to pay for her ability to live on her own and not be calling me every half hour regarding what time it is!
Her fixation on clocks and schedules is interesting. She takes all of that very, very seriously, and will often call me two or three times in the morning if I'm supposed to pick her up to go somewhere at a certain time. Then when I get there, she's not ready! Lord help us.
Oh she needs reminding about a lot of things but I can remind her of things, and I do. If I remind her, she does them. So every morning we have a little discussion about what the day holds.
For instance, she needs to be told each day what day it is but once she knows that, she's good at realizing what she needs to do that day. Now keep in mind that there's not much she needs to do, but for instance, she goes to therapy every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 10:30 - and if she knows that it's MW or F she realizes she needs to catch the bus. It's helpful that other people from that facility also catch the same bus at the same time, because so far they are great about coming to her room to get her (she lives on the first floor very close to the entrance so that's convenient).
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626
This is the dementia clock that is very highly recommended by many caregivers. With only the day of the week and morning, afternoon, evening and night, it does not give too much additional (often confusing) information. It is preset (ex. night starts at 10 PM) but you can easily change when it switches to the next time period to meet your loved ones individual needs.
That's cool. Right now Mom needs to know the hour, because she gets picked up for therapy at specific times as well as meals being served at specific times. She's OK with it now that she "believes the clock." Wow, that was crazy there for a little while, when she was convinced that the clock, not her mind, was wrong. And if you showed her another clock, she'd say that one was wrong too.
She just asked me to bring every clock from her house over so even in her tiny apartment, there is a large clock in every room. Visible from every place she sits. And she also has her talking watch on. She is very fixated with the exact time. This means that every time I go over there, I have to be sure that every clock is running well and on time! Oh well. Small price to pay for her ability to live on her own and not be calling me every half hour regarding what time it is!
Her fixation on clocks and schedules is interesting. She takes all of that very, very seriously, and will often call me two or three times in the morning if I'm supposed to pick her up to go somewhere at a certain time. Then when I get there, she's not ready! Lord help us.
Perhaps using the "day of the week/time of day clock" in addition to her other clocks would be helpful. That way as soon as she wakes up she will know that it is Monday (therapy day) even before you call her on the phone.
Perhaps using the "day of the week/time of day clock" in addition to her other clocks would be helpful. That way as soon as she wakes up she will know that it is Monday (therapy day) even before you call her on the phone.
My mom has gone from "I am very particular about all food that I eat and I want to prepare everything from scratch" to "I'm not going to be cooking anything!" in 24 hours!!!!!
So far, she seems to be settling in nicely!
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
Thanks!
This is independent living, not assisted living, in this side of the building, so the independent living folks have stoves in their apartments. Those in assisted living do not.
I really doubt that my mom will use that stove much at all, but I had to get her into an apartment with one or she wouldn't move. LOL
I had family like that too...I don't think she turned on the stove in her three years of residence.
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626
Thank you for the added information. It is possible that the "higher end" independent living facilities in my area have those services but since I don't know anyone who has lived in one of those I really did not realize that they would offer all those extra benefits.
In fact, I only knew one person who was in independent living where they offered meals (and it was connected to an assisted living facility). So even having meals available seems sort of unusual to me, but maybe it seems common to other people.
It just shows you how the same terminology can mean completely different things to different people.
With all of those "extras" and regular supervision I'm sure that your mother will do well. She seems to have plenty of staff watching over her.
Thank you for sharing the details.
Before Assisted Living, I had an aunt in Independent Living. The residents had to hang their badge out the door so they knew she was up and mobile, they had meals in the dining room. We also had someone come by and make sure she took her medications.
Just wanted to report that it is now 1:30 pm. I have been paying my mom's bills, calling regarding settlement of bills/the estate, on the phone with my brother regarding the estate, scanning docs, on hold with various agencies, dealing with renters, filing stuff, etc since 8:30 this morning, with no lunch break. I am about to get dressed, even though I am still sick, and go check on my mom's house, pick up her prescriptions, and go by the bank. So once again - another whole day of dealing with nothing but my mom's needs and estate settlement.
And this is WITH a probate attorney involved!!!!!!! And WITH good cooperation from her docs and other parties involved.
LORD HAVE MERCY.
It goes on and on and on. Every day. Every stinking day. Every day is just like this. And if I let things pile up - like I did for about 4 days because I was sick as a dog - then it just never ends. I will go to bed this evening with all sorts of stuff left undone. My priorities are just to get her bills paid and be sure that her prescriptions are filled. If I can get that done today, it will be a successful day - with tons of stuff left to do that seems to never go away.
Just wanted to vent, since I am sure there are others who know exactly how I feel!!!!!!
Just wanted to report that it is now 1:30 pm. I have been paying my mom's bills, calling regarding settlement of bills/the estate, on the phone with my brother regarding the estate, scanning docs, on hold with various agencies, dealing with renters, filing stuff, etc since 8:30 this morning, with no lunch break. I am about to get dressed, even though I am still sick, and go check on my mom's house, pick up her prescriptions, and go by the bank. So once again - another whole day of dealing with nothing but my mom's needs and estate settlement.
And this is WITH a probate attorney involved!!!!!!! And WITH good cooperation from her docs and other parties involved.
LORD HAVE MERCY.
It goes on and on and on. Every day. Every stinking day. Every day is just like this. And if I let things pile up - like I did for about 4 days because I was sick as a dog - then it just never ends. I will go to bed this evening with all sorts of stuff left undone. My priorities are just to get her bills paid and be sure that her prescriptions are filled. If I can get that done today, it will be a successful day - with tons of stuff left to do that seems to never go away.
Just wanted to vent, since I am sure there are others who know exactly how I feel!!!!!!
I know how you feel, KA. My MIL is in our care for several months from out of state, as she is having cancer treatment at a major center in our city. Yesterday I woke up early with a full plate of work to do for clients. However, I got derailed by the discovery that her bloodwork was out of whack due to some medication interactions, and this set off a chain of events -- phone calls to different doctors, explanations over and over again to her, yadda yadda and it burned up like half my day to get the mess resolved. It seems like every other day it's something.
I am just burned out. I'm also feeling resentful because, since I am the one who ends up having to tell her not to do this or that during the day (since my husband works outside the home), she gets mad that I'm telling her what to do -- stuff that contradicts what she thinks she should do. Yet of course, the family members who aren't here and rarely check in are revered as so wonderful and helpful.
We did not have the difficulties with my mom's estate that you are having with your dad's. My mom had little money left and our names were on the account.
I have paid bills every month for my mom though, and did so for about 7 years. I got her taxes done too. I called when I was not sure about a bill. I decided when to pull her out of a CD. I hated stuff like that, but I did it. I do feel for you going through all of this. Handling an estate is full time work, at least at first. You are being paid to do this? You are allowed to take a fee for handling this I think. I don't know the law in your state, but you might be able to.
I do wonder why the attorney isn't doing more, frankly. But I've never been in your shoes exactly. I can only imagine how draining it all is.
We did not have the difficulties with my mom's estate that you are having with your dad's. My mom had little money left and our names were on the account.
I have paid bills every month for my mom though, and did so for about 7 years. I got her taxes done too. I called when I was not sure about a bill. I decided when to pull her out of a CD. I hated stuff like that, but I did it. I do feel for you going through all of this. Handling an estate is full time work, at least at first. You are being paid to do this? You are allowed to take a fee for handling this I think. I don't know the law in your state, but you might be able to.
I do wonder why the attorney isn't doing more, frankly. But I've never been in your shoes exactly. I can only imagine how draining it all is.
When is the end point? Is it close?
The issue is that there is a lot of property - in two different states - and two businesses in addition to the personal property. YIKES!!!!!!!!!!!
My dad kept scrupulous records. But he also worked on his own stuff, knowing his own system, for probably 4 hours every day. So you can imagine what I've been trying to piece together - in addition to the added stress of his illness, death, then funeral, then my mom's move, holidays, family coming in and then SURPRISE - I finally got so sick that everything had to come to a screeching halt for a few days.
So there are two sets of attorneys, two different businesses, two states with significant property in both, three houses, renters - and my mom with dementia.
And that doesn't include my own stuff. You know - I had a life before all this! A full and happy life!
I am not going to bill the estate. I am going to "get" enough as it is. It's just that it's all on me - I have one brother who lives very far away who is helping as much as he can but he can't help that much considering he and his wife are dealing with HER 93 year old father, and I have another mentally incompetent brother who, believe me - is much more drag than lift. (No, I am not going to assume guardianship of him - everyone has their limits and that's mine.)
Just wanted to report that it is now 1:30 pm. I have been paying my mom's bills, calling regarding settlement of bills/the estate, on the phone with my brother regarding the estate, scanning docs, on hold with various agencies, dealing with renters, filing stuff, etc since 8:30 this morning, with no lunch break. I am about to get dressed, even though I am still sick, and go check on my mom's house, pick up her prescriptions, and go by the bank. So once again - another whole day of dealing with nothing but my mom's needs and estate settlement.
And this is WITH a probate attorney involved!!!!!!! And WITH good cooperation from her docs and other parties involved.
LORD HAVE MERCY.
It goes on and on and on. Every day. Every stinking day. Every day is just like this. And if I let things pile up - like I did for about 4 days because I was sick as a dog - then it just never ends. I will go to bed this evening with all sorts of stuff left undone. My priorities are just to get her bills paid and be sure that her prescriptions are filled. If I can get that done today, it will be a successful day - with tons of stuff left to do that seems to never go away.
Just wanted to vent, since I am sure there are others who know exactly how I feel!!!!!!
Oh no, KA, terrible timing with your son's visit which I think was during this timeframe. Were you able to enjoy the visit before you became ill?
When we were dealing with my dad's estate, my mother kept saying how she never had to do "all this" for her parents' estate. Even with good records and nothing particularly complicated, it took more than a year and a half to close the estate. One irritating issue was not being able to find the deed for the house, which had been paid in full 40 years prior. We had to pay $400 for a copy and then, of course, it was found in a shoebox.
It has motivated me to look into trusts for the kids, including the house, so everything does not have to go through probate. Probate and lawyer fees cost more than 10k in NY.
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