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Yeah most hair products require just a tiny amount. Thought about that, but don't have any ideas on how to stop her from "dumping" it on.
Do you know what she is trying to accomplish regarding her hair? Maybe a discussion around that would lead somewhere.
One thing I forgot......make sure you are buying name brand pads rather than store brand as they are very different imo regarding absorbency. If possible, get the doctor to tell her change them x times a day.
My 86 year old father who is still independent and in his right mind just started with this not showering as often as he used to and probably should. He started with the "its not necessary" line. Finally, we got him to admit he wasn't showering because it was just exhausting. At least that allows for some solutions like seating and just getting under running water sometimes rather than a full blown soaping up/shampooing shower.
Maybe there is some issue at play re the not showering. Afraid of showering with no one else there? Afraid of falling? Too tiring? Too much work to dry her hair?
Perhaps you could install a hand held shower head so she could just spray herself off in between full showers.
Thank you for your thoughtful suggestions and insights!
I do think that showering is sort of tiring and a hassle for my mom, and that's why she doesn't do it as often as she should. She has a hand held shower thingie but I am not sure she really feels comfortable using it. She is VERY uncomfortable with learning new skills or anything that is unfamiliar. I'm amazed at her good attitude about moving to a new facility though so maybe she's up to it. I'll go over it with her - thanks again for that advice. I guess I was just subconsciously thinking she would know how to use it.
Also, I think she needs to use a shower chair and sit down with that hand held shower head. She's not doing that and is in fact very resistant to the idea of a shower chair but I'll try that again.
Thank you all for the tips and advice. I am flummoxed. I know she took a shower and washed her hair today - and yet that smell is still just reeking from her. Her entire apartment smells like it. She is making my car smell like it! Whatever "it" is.
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If you are 100% sure that Mom took a bath and washed her hair today and she still smells then, IMHO, either 1 or 2 is probably happening.
1. She is not "really" washing well. Perhaps, not using soap, or not washing all of her "nooks and cranny's" (butt, privates, underarms) or just quickly swiping a damp washcloth over the parts that are visible (face, hands) and saying that she took a full shower.
2. If she is washing well, perhaps she is putting her dirty clothes back on and maybe putting on her used pad/depends. (Someone in my caregiver group told us that her elderly mother "decided" that since people change their underpants once a day that is how often she needed to change her depends -whether they were soaking wet or dry).
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
She absolutely will not take any advice bath or product wise. I've tried. I've tried telling her that coconut oil may go bad and if she puts it in her hair and then doesn't wash her hair for a week, it's likely to start smelling bad. But honestly, after today, when I know she washed her hair this morning, I am not sure that's it.
I think she's using coconut oil all over herself and then not bathing for an entire week. So it gets funky. I think that's part of it. I also think she's not using deodorant (well, I know she's not using deodorant) and she refuses to use any scented lotions, powders, or sprays. And then there's the urine part of it -
I know she wears pads because she has leakage issues - I think the meds she's taking must be making her urine smell sort of funny - that must be the acidic part of the issue.
I think this is more than one thing and I think if she doesn't change it ALL she may just keep smelling like this. For instance, I know she's going to need to keep wearing pads - but I think if she changed them more often and bathed more often (neither is going to happen, I promise that) then it might cut down on the odor.
Man, I don't know what it is but it be's funk.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
Yes, she is doing two things differently over the past few months that I can see - actually three, which I think do probably account for the odor.
1) She's not showering as often. She used to shower every other day and that was fine but now she's down to once a week, and to HELL with anyone who says that's not enough!!!
2) She is using MORE coconut oil. It's like she's obsessed with it, she uses it for everything. To clean her face, to moisturize her skin, to put in her hair (egads, she doesn't need to do that).
3) She is more dependent on Depends - LOL.
She is due for a checkup later this month and I'm going to email her doctor beforehand and ask about the odor. I am sure he will be able to smell it the minute he gets close to her. Maybe I can get some direction from him.
Perhaps, sharing all of those possible odor causes with the doctor may help him narrow it down.
Good luck.
Last edited by germaine2626; 01-01-2017 at 12:12 PM..
Yeah most hair products require just a tiny amount. Thought about that, but don't have any ideas on how to stop her from "dumping" it on.
Do you know what she is trying to accomplish regarding her hair? Maybe a discussion around that would lead somewhere.
One thing I forgot......make sure you are buying name brand pads rather than store brand as they are very different imo regarding absorbency. If possible, get the doctor to tell her change them x times a day.
My 86 year old father who is still independent and in his right mind just started with this not showering as often as he used to and probably should. He started with the "its not necessary" line. Finally, we got him to admit he wasn't showering because it was just exhausting. At least that allows for some solutions like seating and just getting under running water sometimes rather than a full blown soaping up/shampooing shower.
Maybe there is some issue at play re the not showering. Afraid of showering with no one else there? Afraid of falling? Too tiring? Too much work to dry her hair?
Perhaps you could install a hand held shower head so she could just spray herself off in between full showers.
Thank you for your thoughtful suggestions and insights!
I do think that showering is sort of tiring and a hassle for my mom, and that's why she doesn't do it as often as she should. She has a hand held shower thingie but I am not sure she really feels comfortable using it. She is VERY uncomfortable with learning new skills or anything that is unfamiliar. I'm amazed at her good attitude about moving to a new facility though so maybe she's up to it. I'll go over it with her - thanks again for that advice. I guess I was just subconsciously thinking she would know how to use it.
Also, I think she needs to use a shower chair and sit down with that hand held shower head. She's not doing that and is in fact very resistant to the idea of a shower chair but I'll try that again.
If you are 100% sure that Mom took a bath and washed her hair today and she still smells then, IMHO, either 1 or 2 is probably happening.
1. She is not "really" washing well. Perhaps, not using soap, or not washing all of her "nooks and cranny's" (butt, privates, underarms) or just quickly swiping a damp washcloth over the parts that are visible (face, hands) and saying that she took a full shower.
2. If she is washing well, perhaps she is putting her dirty clothes back on and maybe putting on her used pad/depends. (Someone in my caregiver group told us that her elderly mother "decided" that since people change their underpants once a day that is how often she needed to change her depends -whether they were soaking wet or dry).
Perhaps, sharing all of those possible odor causes with the doctor may help him narrow it down.
Good luck.
I just sent an email to her doctor. THANK YOU! We'll see what happens!
As for buying her some baby wipes and telling her to clean herself better - LOL, I'm not going there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
I like the idea of wet wipes. I'll have to look into that because I'm not sure she wouldn't flush them. But I do think there's a type that can be flushed as well. Thanks for that idea!
Does your Mom get her teeth cleaned? My mother had horrible breath that you could smell from feet away from her, basically her whole apartment. Finally, I got her to the dentist where she had to get the descaling process and after that she got her teeth cleaned every few months. Then she never had bad breath again.
Thank you for your thoughtful suggestions and insights!
I do think that showering is sort of tiring and a hassle for my mom, and that's why she doesn't do it as often as she should. She has a hand held shower thingie but I am not sure she really feels comfortable using it. She is VERY uncomfortable with learning new skills or anything that is unfamiliar. I'm amazed at her good attitude about moving to a new facility though so maybe she's up to it. I'll go over it with her - thanks again for that advice. I guess I was just subconsciously thinking she would know how to use it.
Also, I think she needs to use a shower chair and sit down with that hand held shower head. She's not doing that and is in fact very resistant to the idea of a shower chair but I'll try that again.
You're welcome.
A couple of other thoughts. Being dehydrated is one of the things that makes urine REEK over and above the normal smell. If there is any way to get a peek at hers to see how dark it is or to get a handle on how much she is drinking each day try that. Also, are you familiar with that skin pinch test to see if someone is dehydrated? Since she doesn't like to be touched, maybe you can get her to do it to herself to show you she is sufficiently hydrated. She may be cutting back because of the leakage issue.
If she understands the differences between Independent and Assisted Living, then maybe you can find a way to lay down the law. Just tell her shes where she is because everyone thinks she is capable of taking care of herself. That includes bathing X times per week and if she doesn't do it she will have to move Assisted Living where people will make sure she bathes. I know probably the last place you want to go with her given her orneriness lol, but sometimes that's all you can do and just shrug off their wrath.
Just to point out - buying baby wipes and telling someone to do a better job of cleaning themselves are two different scenarios. It's one thing to make them available - it's altogether another thing to tell someone to "do a better job keeping your under yonder clean." Which was your suggestion.
Here's exactly what you said:
Quote:
Buy her some Baby Wipes and tell her to keep herself clean.
I have to ask - are you actually trying to help with kind, practical advice? Because this section of the forum is well populated with helpful, kind people who genuinely try to help each other and I'm all for that, and try to do the same in return. But I'm uninterested in debate or exchanging snide remarks or insults.
Last edited by KathrynAragon; 01-01-2017 at 01:06 PM..
Does your Mom get her teeth cleaned? My mother had horrible breath that you could smell from feet away from her, basically her whole apartment. Finally, I got her to the dentist where she had to get the descaling process and after that she got her teeth cleaned every few months. Then she never had bad breath again.
One thing my mom does really well is oral hygiene. Her mouth is in great shape and her breath doesn't seem bad at all, thank goodness. She brushes and flosses well and has all her original teeth, which is a pretty big accomplishment at her age! LOL
A couple of other thoughts. Being dehydrated is one of the things that makes urine REEK over and above the normal smell. If there is any way to get a peek at hers to see how dark it is or to get a handle on how much she is drinking each day try that. Also, are you familiar with that skin pinch test to see if someone is dehydrated? Since she doesn't like to be touched, maybe you can get her to do it to herself to show you she is sufficiently hydrated. She may be cutting back because of the leakage issue.
If she understands the differences between Independent and Assisted Living, then maybe you can find a way to lay down the law. Just tell her shes where she is because everyone thinks she is capable of taking care of herself. That includes bathing X times per week and if she doesn't do it she will have to move Assisted Living where people will make sure she bathes. I know probably the last place you want to go with her given her orneriness lol, but sometimes that's all you can do and just shrug off their wrath.
I like these ideas a LOT.
I think she may be a bit dehydrated. I'll check into that. It was an issue a few months ago and may be again.
As for the idea about laying down the law, I may have to get to that point. Before I do that, since she's got a doctor visit coming up, I emailed her doctor to see if HE can bring up the strange odor and suggest screening her for any possible health issues or medication issues that may be causing it. I'd like to rule those out, and also get confirmation from a medical professional that YES, MOM, THERE IS AN ODOR ISSUE, so that she hears it from someone else, not just me. You know, no friends or other family members are exactly lining up to tell her this. It's like the elephant in the room.
The doctor visit is in a few weeks. Meanwhile, I have a plan:
1. Talk to her about drinking more fluids. I do think that's a problem - and it's common among elderly people, even those who are otherwise fine.
2. I'm going to switch out her coconut oil with other stuff, in fact, I'm going to do that TODAY. LOL I can't wait! I'm also going to thoroughly inspect her bathroom and her personal items to see if there is anything she's snuck in that may be creating an odor problem. For instance, when I was moving her, I did find some sort of awful smelling shampoo that was for dandruff issues (which she doesn't have) and wow, did it ever stink, and it smelled sort of like how she smells. So maybe she snuck some of that in when she moved in.
3. Have the doctor bring up the issue and rule out medical issues. Then he can discuss better personal hygiene with her as well as drinking enough fluids.
4. I'm going to buy baby wipes for her and just tell her that I like them and maybe she will too and leave it at that.
5. I am going to also buy her some natural deodorant and see if there is also some sort of natural powder and I'm going to bring them over there (today) and say, "Listen Mom - I know you don't like to shower all that often, so I'm telling you - use these things. You need to." And I'll leave it at that.
That's all I got.
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