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My sister and my husband both died from Alz or dementia. Silibran is right: Be proactive now. You cannot stop the disease but you can make the journey more manageable by getting your mom seen by a doctor and planning how to handle the future. Alz.org has some good information.
Generally, they address nutrients for the nerve cells and the immune system, but nothing if high blood glucose or blood pressure is doing the damage. One of the signs of nerve damage in the brain's motor cortex is the reduced ability to swallow, speak, or feed oneself since the nerves transmit signals to the muscles for voluntary responses.
I used to be a regular on this board, then my dad died and I had a bit of respite from caregiving.
Summer of 2017 we moved mom from her 4 bedroom suburban home to an independent living cottage which has been great for her. She has a social life again and gets a daily phone call, 1 meal a day, etc. I know she's safe, and I don't like her, so I don't visit much...3 visits in 2018 and I can only stay about 2 days before I want to throttle her. I have my own health problems and I moved in the summer of 2018.
Recently it's been getting harder for her to cover her tracks when she is confused. And of course she blames us because we won't help her. We've spent a great deal of time trying to help her and we're tired of doing the same things over and over again with no result. OR getting yelled at for doing things the wrong way (after she refuses to tell us how she wants them done because she can't decide) She is especially frustrated with using the computer. And she never calls anymore, I think because she forgets that she hasn't called.
If I went behind her back to notify her GP or her psychiatrist or her facility that she is struggling, she would be absolutely livid. So I have to leave that alone.
Should we flat out tell her we can't help her with her computer problems because she forgets things as quickly as we tell her?
The last time I mentioned cognitive issues to her she was quite indignant of course. I don't think she has alzheimers. I think she gets confused because she has been clinically depressed for 80 years. and also delusional about the reality of her life. She can't really separate what has actually happened from what she imagines has happened anymore. She is also confused because she doesn't sleep well at night but refuses to nap or set an alarm because then she won't sleep enough at night. She actually naps a lot while sitting up on the sofa but refuses to admit it.
She is in stage 3 renal failure (which isn't really a big deal right now). She is still driving but not much. Sometimes she calls because the car isn't working right, then she has it towed to the shop only to be told there is nothing wrong with it.
Should I discuss these cognitive concerns with her or just let it ride? Is it possible that some aricept would help her? I doubt she'd be receptive to the idea because she wouldn't want to admit to the dr. that she is struggling. She had a part time caregiver when she had some physical challenges but of course she hated that and would probably not welcome another. So if she isn't receptive to assistance I'm not sure there is anything we can do.
Kind of ironic,my wife's sister now 90 wandered out of her home in the cold without warm clothing was luckily picked up by police and taken to hospital,we have not had to much contact but sounds like your mother.They had to place her in secure quarters,she can be aggressive.They did not prepare themselves for this at all.
I've heard that something as small as a urinary tract infection can cause confusion in the elderly, so definitely tell her doctor. There is at least some chance this is treatable.
I'm sorry you're struggling with this. I have a question - was her depression treated or untreated? The reason I ask is because many mental health issues (I know that bipolar disorder and schizophrenia fall into this category, not sure about clinical depression) are actually progressive brain diseases if they aren't treated, resulting in a SEVENTY PERCENT chance of dementia in untreated people with these disorders.
Not specifically Azheimer's. For instance, my mom had vascular dementia - and bipolar disorder that she refused to admit to or address or treat her entire life. You can imagine how I felt toward her, being raised by a bipolar mom.
Anyway, the docs did put her on Aricept but she fought taking it and didn't take it as prescribe. So she went off it after about a year or two - I think patients are only supposed to take it for about two years anyway. I do think that it helped postpone her dementia, but it did not stop or cure it.
But you mentioned that your mom has renal failure. I agree with what others are suggesting - contact her doctor - I recommend via email. Here's what I said in the email to my brother's doctor (I was my mom's medical POA so I didn't have to do this with her but I am not my brother's POA nor did he include me on HIPAA paperwork so the doctor couldn't tell me anything about his health): I told the doctor that I understand they can't tell me anything, but I wanted them to know my concerns, and then I listed the concerns. I left it to the doctor(s) to verify one way or the other, but at least they had a heads' up.
So I would ask the doctor about possible urinary tract infections and memory loss or confusion. That way he or she can check your mom's urine as well as do some cognitive testing. It never ceases to amaze me that so many doctors don't consider a UTI FIRST. Both my mom and my MIL had dementia, but in the early stages, when a UTI was in the mix, I could immediately tell a difference between their mild dementia and the dementia ramped up via a UTI, which was easy to clear up, and as soon as it was cleared up, they were so much happier and feeling better.
By the way, my MIL had clinical depression and developed dementia as well. My husband and I both had our DNA tested and one of the things they tested for was the gene that ramps up the possibility of Alzheimer's - neither of us are carriers, so we only have the typical, general population chance of developing Alzheimer's. But I do think that the years of mental health issues that both our moms struggled with played a big part in their dementias.
And yes, Aricept is prescribed for more types of dementia than just Azheimer's.
I also agree that you need to be formulating a plan NOW about whatever your involvement with your mom's elder care is going to be and if you are going to be involved in her daily life and daily safety and wellbeing, you need a plan for that - and it will probably have to be implemented within a year or two.
"...because she forgets things as quickly as we tell her?"
tell her GP.
she will forget.
unless....she only remembers what she WANTS to.
that was my MIL. she knew what time and channel her TV shows were on.
she "would not" remember to take her medicine or call for assistance.
it was willful and eventually obvious when we learned to ignore her protests.
take care of yourself, because if you do not, no one will take care of her.
I wouldn’t remember instructions to use a computer given to me verbally. My mom is now having problems remembering how to use her cell (a very basic flip phone she’s used for years). I am not going to mention anything yet (my mom would not take anything in any case) but I go to her level now. I write things step by step: 1. Open phone etc.
I would totally stop verbally telling her anything, write it down. I would actually take her to a geriatric practice that is versed in how to assess for dementia, including staging (how far along). First though I would get her labs checked for a UTI. I wouldn’t let a doc prescribe a dementia drug without assessment (not an exam, that’s different). It’s not always dementia, it could be TIA’s (small strokes) or something that dementia drugs won’t help.
Y'all don't get it. She won't take vitamin b or d or anything else I've suggested. She says she takes only what her dr. prescribes. That's not actually true. The dr. tells her things that she completely disregards if she doesn't want to do it. I can see it in her medical record. She went to see a nephrologist but denies being told she is in stage 3 renal failure. If I recommended some other kind of specialist, she would be furious with me and of course refuse to go. She's not that forgetful. Her old resentment stay with her, and if she doesn't remember one, she'll make one up.
She doesn't respect my opinion. She will take the advice of a total stranger before she will admit that I might have a good idea. She desperately wants to be in control and views us as the authority figures she needs to rebel against. She has always needed to have or create an authority figure she can blame things on.
I did call the dr once. I said "I know you can't tell me anything but you can listen to me. You gave an alcoholic a prescription for percoset and sent her home to be the primary caregiver for a man with alzheimers. Do something about it."
Most 80 year olds have stage 3 renal failure. She may have moved on to stage 4, and given her occasional symptoms I wouldn't be surprised. I don't know if the renal failure will kill her or not.
Yes, Kathryn, she's been treated for her mood disorder for 35 years. a variety of meds and expensive psychotherapy which has not improve her symptoms one single bit. She is just as narcissistic and stubborn and depressed and in denial about taking responsibility for her life as she ever was.
We actually have tried to show her things on the computer. Recently she got freaked out because she needed to access the online portal for her resident association. Here is what my brother said after a visit "She was desparately trying to make it much more complicated than it is, flat out refused to bookmark it, and ran away every time I tried to show her any of it. Everything on it is already on her TV screen." He completely nailed it. Written instructions are quickly lost. She created a habit of losing things many years ago, and was conveniently able to blame my dad for anything that was mis located.
She does a lot of these things for the attention. When she senses i am mad at her (which she often thinks I'm mad at her when I'm not) she'll try to test the waters by asking me to help her with something.
After I wrote all this, I thought maybe I sound like someone who needs permission to neglect my mom. But I realized I am secure in the knowledge that I am someone who needs boundaries to protect myself from my mom. It's unfortunate that her emotional neglect of me when I was a child has led to this, and I think I've done more for her than many others would have done.
Whew, she sounds exhausting. I can relate to the emotional manipulation and what I call "crazymaking." My mom, and now my brother (both certifiably mentally ill) do that or did that all the time. The thing that continues to surprise my brother, and which surprised my mom (and boy, they don't like it either) is that unlike my dad, and other dysfunctional people in their lives, I don't go for it. That's maddening to someone who is used to that from other people.
Stagemomma, your mom is a hot mess. She always has been and age doesn't tend to improve peoples' personalities or characters. You have my permission to walk away from your mom when you need to, to enforce boundaries, and to safeguard your own health and mindset and other relationships first and foremost - not that you need my permission or anyone else's!
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