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I encourage you to track down and join a caregivers support group in your area. Wherever she is receiving her cancer treatments might have some suggestions. It will still be horrible and thankless, but no need for it to be lonely. You will likely find useful information and resources as well.
When I was caring for my mother with dementia, I found out about a day program at a local retirement community for those with cognitive issues who needed constant supervision. She loved it there. Liked the activities and the conversation. Looked forward to going every morning. Perhaps there is a day program in the area that would work for your wife.
That day program saved my sanity.
Keeping a good thought for you.
Thank you for your kind words, I did belong to a caregivers support group at our nearby local hospital, but interest in it waned, so its fallen to wayside, sad to say! I was going before all this craziness started with my wife being cognitively challenged. I've read about this being the worst to deal with physically and mentally draining. I feel fried out managing all of this and working a fulltime job. I've finally turned to this specific forum! I'm too young to be going through this, and I should be enjoying life right now, this is no life for her, or me for that matter! There is a big age difference between us, when home health comes to visit, they think that I'm her son, awkward and humiliating at the same time! Do sons take care of their Mom's, uh no, that usually falls to daughters, truth! Besides that, I've read studies that suicide is like 4 times likely to happen in dealing with Alzheimer's or dementia patients, I can see why!
Is it wrong of me to think that if I was ever in a position where I needed a caregiver that I would push away my family? If I get to that point, I dont want them to see me like that and I would rather just be alone and fade away.
Is it wrong of me to think that if I was ever in a position where I needed a caregiver that I would push away my family? If I get to that point, I dont want them to see me like that and I would rather just be alone and fade away.
Living alone without outside help simply may not be possible.
Is it wrong of me to think that if I was ever in a position where I needed a caregiver that I would push away my family? If I get to that point, I dont want them to see me like that and I would rather just be alone and fade away.
Well, someone would still have to arrange for you to go somewhere if you could not use a phone or speak, for example. You don't always get a choice when you get "like that".
Well, someone would still have to arrange for you to go somewhere if you could not use a phone or speak, for example. You don't always get a choice when you get "like that".
I guess it all depends on the situation as they are all unique. I know that I tend to have an unpopular opinion with most topics on here so Ill just leave it as that, lol.
I guess it all depends on the situation as they are all unique. I know that I tend to have an unpopular opinion with most topics on here so Ill just leave it as that, lol.
It is not a matter of popularity or opinion but of reality.
Thank you for your kind words, I did belong to a caregivers support group at our nearby local hospital, but interest in it waned, so its fallen to wayside, sad to say! I was going before all this craziness started with my wife being cognitively challenged. I've read about this being the worst to deal with physically and mentally draining. I feel fried out managing all of this and working a fulltime job. I've finally turned to this specific forum! I'm too young to be going through this, and I should be enjoying life right now, this is no life for her, or me for that matter! There is a big age difference between us, when home health comes to visit, they think that I'm her son, awkward and humiliating at the same time! Do sons take care of their Mom's, uh no, that usually falls to daughters, truth! Besides that, I've read studies that suicide is like 4 times likely to happen in dealing with Alzheimer's or dementia patients, I can see why!
I'm in a similar situation, even down to the type of cancer.
I have some help though, one of my partner's family members has been a big help. If your wife has anybody else who can help you, enlist them. It can also complicate things, but the help outweighs the complications.
Also I don't know your age but ... we are mid 40s. It is rare to be this situation at this age. Our peers don't really understand, it's doesn't jive with their lives, so I understand that part.
Yes, you are young, but your life will continue. By the details you've given, I'll assume your wife's will not for very long. So, keep that in mind. Appreciate time you have left.
Our relationship has changed in so many ways, even from 3 months ago, so I understand the difficulties.
You can also PM me if you have any questions.
I do disagree about the sons part. That will be me taking care of my mother as my sister lives clear across the country. She even mentioned something about me doing it.
Is it wrong of me to think that if I was ever in a position where I needed a caregiver that I would push away my family? If I get to that point, I dont want them to see me like that and I would rather just be alone and fade away.
I think people love to feel independent and so, when healthy, the attitude is that you will make things as easy as possible for those close to you.
But I would say, the reality is that when it happens and you need help and/or are terminal, most people will lean on their loved ones pretty heavily.
I think my mother might be an exception. She's just been so selfless and independent her whole life, austere.
I can literally see her saying ... 'I'm just going to lie in this room and watch TV and read books and die. I don't need anything. You go live your life and have fun.'
I think people love to feel independent and so, when healthy, the attitude is that you will make things as easy as possible for those close to you.
But I would say, the reality is that when it happens and you need help and/or are terminal, most people will lean on their loved ones pretty heavily.
I think my mother might be an exception. She's just been so selfless and independent her whole life, austere.
I can literally see her saying ... 'I'm just going to lie in this room and watch TV and read books and die. I don't need anything. You go live your life and have fun.'
But I think that's extremely rare.
Extremely rare, in my experience.
I can't tell you how many I've know who were clear they don't want to be "a burden" on anyone.
Yet when the time came, burden they were.
Read a study once of there hose who had kidney disease were asked if the current treatments no longer worked, would they sign up for dialysis.
The majority of people replied that they would not do dialysis. Poor quality of life, pain, etc.
Yet nearly everyone who needed dialysis signed up for it when the time came.
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