Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I know that some people will find this appalling, but the most recent losses of 2 of my kitties, Eini in 2016 and Hansel a month and a half ago (still feels like yesterday), have been more painful than the loss of my mom in summer 2019.
It doesn't mean I love my cats more than I loved my mom -- it just means that she was not a part of my everyday life in the way that my cats are (she lived 3,000 miles away, we talked on the phone once or twice a month and that was fine, but she wasn't IN MY FACE literally every day like my cats are). Eini and Hansel in particular were EXTREMELY affectionate, always willing to be picked up and held, always coming to hang out with me or be cuddled, etc. I interacted with them multiple times every single day. They would greet me when I got home from work (OK, Eini usually would want a treat, but not always and he still came, and Hansel was never motivated by food, even "special treats" that everyone else loves). So OF COURSE there was a gigantic hole in my life and in my heart when I lost Eini more than 5 years ago and when I just lost Hansel.
Movintime, you're going through the same thing, of course. Blackie was a HUGE part of your everyday life, and you tried SO HARD to save him -- and you DID save him, for a time. And that will have to be enough, as hard as that is to deal with.
I know that some people will find this appalling, but the most recent losses of 2 of my kitties, Eini in 2016 and Hansel a month and a half ago (still feels like yesterday), have been more painful than the loss of my mom in summer 2019.
It doesn't mean I love my cats more than I loved my mom -- it just means that she was not a part of my everyday life in the way that my cats are (she lived 3,000 miles away, we talked on the phone once or twice a month and that was fine, but she wasn't IN MY FACE literally every day like my cats are). Eini and Hansel in particular were EXTREMELY affectionate, always willing to be picked up and held, always coming to hang out with me or be cuddled, etc. I interacted with them multiple times every single day. They would greet me when I got home from work (OK, Eini usually would want a treat, but not always and he still came, and Hansel was never motivated by food, even "special treats" that everyone else loves). So OF COURSE there was a gigantic hole in my life and in my heart when I lost Eini more than 5 years ago and when I just lost Hansel.
Movintime, you're going through the same thing, of course. Blackie was a HUGE part of your everyday life, and you tried SO HARD to save him -- and you DID save him, for a time. And that will have to be enough, as hard as that is to deal with.
I still haven't even picked up Hansel's ashes ...
Karen, I just fall over when I read your posts. Literally. If I could invent a way to bring all 3 back to life would you actually believe in miracles? I'm serious. I used to jokingly over past few months, call him Lazarus. It was sort of a funny thing but it really was like I thought he was acting like the Bible's Lazarus. I really can't say it better than you said it above. I felt the EXACT same way when my dad passed back several yrs ago.
He lived 2K miles away and like you're mom, he wasn't an everyday occurrence. Now, the loss of that everyday kitty is a HUGE hole to fill. It is NOT fillable unless I could get him back, as would you need Eini and Hansel back asap. I'm really trying to fathom how best to council myself, and through this, maybe others, regarding the loss of a beloved kitty. I really feel like I need come up with something to honor all the pet parent's that have lost kitties that are having MAJOR problems coping no matter how long ago the passing was.
Karen, I can't rep you yet but will do so asap. This post was an excellent tribute and summation of how it REALLY feels to be in these shoes. Thanks for articulating it so well.
Karen, unforunately going worse--- as in NOT getting better. Daily awaking in tears looking his pics. OCD on phone w/ his feedings out of my hand back then---like an alligator grabbing chicken I just cant take much more. Its 5 months next Sat since his horrible horrible death
OMG the guy in Canada who made a HUGE mistake himself as i did in my failure to care for my pet--- of leaving his dog for hrs in hot cat car thus heat must have caused dog to pass way (I feel HORRIBLE FOR THIS PET OWNER TOO!), he, like me...made it w/ booze n drugs only 5 months (ahem 20wks as in next wkend for ME!!! for me) thus unsure HOW I'll react in a wk or so???
I feel as he. Failed my cat via not getting/paying high priced right vets, or kidney t-splant at major vet university for 10's of thousands of $ (like needed taken a HUGE LOAN TO SAVE A LIFE???? HUH I ASK MY LOSER SELF??)--i dont have---or Fiv meds or something Karen??!!
just wanted to update the disaster that it is me SOmetimes friENDS on here help alot ------------but NO ONE can replace nor raise from the dead HIM & thus I dunno how in God's name I'll survive this tragedy
NOT GETTING BETTER DESPITE ALL THE RHETORIC OF "TIME HEALS"...................
NO IT DOES NOT_---- IT ONLY INTENSIFIES THE FEELINGS N HURT FOLKS TRUST ME!!!
Karen, unforunately going worse--- as in NOT getting better. Daily awaking in tears looking his pics. OCD on phone w/ his feedings out of my hand back then---like an alligator grabbing chicken I just cant take much more. Its 5 months next Sat since his horrible horrible death
OMG the guy in Canada who made a HUGE mistake himself as i did in my failure to care for my pet--- of leaving his dog for hrs in hot cat car thus heat must have caused dog to pass way (I feel HORRIBLE FOR THIS PET OWNER TOO!), he, like me...made it w/ booze n drugs only 5 months (ahem 20wks as in next wkend for ME!!! for me) thus unsure HOW I'll react in a wk or so???
I feel as he. Failed my cat via not getting/paying high priced right vets, or kidney t-splant at major vet university for 10's of thousands of $ (like needed taken a HUGE LOAN TO SAVE A LIFE???? HUH I ASK MY LOSER SELF??)--i dont have---or Fiv meds or something Karen??!!
just wanted to update the disaster that it is me SOmetimes friENDS on here help alot ------------but NO ONE can replace nor raise from the dead HIM & thus I dunno how in God's name I'll survive this tragedy
NOT GETTING BETTER DESPITE ALL THE RHETORIC OF "TIME HEALS"...................
NO IT DOES NOT_---- IT ONLY INTENSIFIES THE FEELINGS N HURT FOLKS TRUST ME!!!
Time does NOT 'heal'. ALL it does, eventually....key word: EVENTUALLY, is make it so that you can get through the day.
movintime - you got to take this one day at a time. Sometimes, you have to take one hour at a time.
My Serenity died in 2015. Do you know that the day right before that, Adele came out with her song, 'Hello' or whatever it was called? Do you know that there's a line in there that says, 'Hello from the other side..." Do you know that to this day, I can NOT listen to that song, because I know that line is coming, and it will make me think of Serenity, and break me?
That's 6 years! Just typing this makes me feel nauseous thinking about my best friend in the world passing in November 2015.
I adored that cat more than anything, or anyone, else in this world.
Yes, I love my other pets. Yes, I have guilt, still....almost 2 years later...about my boy dog.
Hell, I still feel horrible about Blondie. Notice what's under my name. That happened in 2013. I can't get myself to remove that. That's 8 1/2 years later.
Time doesn't make the hurt stop. I would never say that, because I know better. And when someone says, 'time heals', they don't mean 'in a week'. They don't mean 'in a month'. It can be years. YEARS, movintime.
One. Day. At. A. Time, my friend.
My sister gave me a necklace after Serenity died. To this day, it still sits in its box. I have it out, on my nightstand, next to a mini photo album that has a photo of Serenity that I took many years ago. And I have her collar - her pink 'diamond' crested collar, and her leash, (because she looooooooooved to go outside, but when I lived in the Everglades, no. way. was she going outside without being attached to me in some way). Those are all on my nightstand. Do you know that even now, I have a very hard time looking at my nightstand because I will see her photo.
I wrote about her in the Rainbow Bridge section. Stumbled around the room at the vet's? Read it, I did that. Smashed into furniture, didn't even know what to do with myself - I know what that is. When they took her, I collapsed onto the floor and bawled. They let me stay in there as long as I needed...and I took it.
I finally got myself together enough to drive the few minutes back to where I was staying, and then I stared up at the sky, looking at the stars, wondering where my Serenity was now...and that damn song with that damn line, 'Hello from the other side' in that damn voice that gets to you because that lady sings with so much damn emotion....
And it still hurts to. this. day.
My boy dog still hurts to. this. day.
Blondie...all I can do when I think about her is shake my head at myself.
It doesn't happen overnight. It can take a very long time.
Take it one day, or one hour, or one minute, at a time. I read your rep comment. You know good and well why I'm saying this.
One day at a time.
One step in front of the other.
No. It won't be easy. No. It won't go away as fast as you want it to. No, you will never stop hurting. BUT, at some point, which no one can tell you when, you'll at least be able to function.
Don't you DARE give up any hope that one day, you will be able to walk out the door, appreciate the beautiful day, take joy in hearing the birds singing to each other, gaze at the beautiful trees, maybe even laugh at a joke that you hear.
It will happen.
It doesn't mean you'll forget. It doesn't mean you won't feel sad. It doesn't mean you'll stop missing them. And it sure as hell doesn't mean that you'll stop wondering what else you could have done.
ALL it means is that one day, who knows when, you will be able to accept that they are no longer there, it happens to every single living creature on the planet, and sometimes, no matter what you do, you can't stop it. That's what 'time heals' means. That's all it means.
If this is getting to be too overwhelming for you, please seek out help. I'm not saying that you are crazy, I'm saying if this is getting to the point that you want to throw in the towel, you get help. Please!
DM me where you live, I'll call around and find someone, if you need me to.
NOT GETTING BETTER DESPITE ALL THE RHETORIC OF "TIME HEALS"...................
NO IT DOES NOT_---- IT ONLY INTENSIFIES THE FEELINGS N HURT FOLKS TRUST ME!!!
When my dad died in 1999, the nurse that cared for him told me that the grief and the pain of losing a loved one will never go away, but it will feel different - gradually, slowly, and not in a linear fashion or in a prescribed time frame.
This has been my truth as I've mourned my dad, my husband, and my cats. Some days you feel like you can handle the grief. Other days you're consumed by it. But the days that you're consumed will grow fewer and fewer, and you won't notice at first. When you do notice, you'll be surprised, and you may feel a twinge of disloyalty and that's okay. That's part of grieving and healing.
The process isn't linear, and doesn't follow a set timeline. Please be patient with yourself, and kind to yourself. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. You'll be okay.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Three Wolves In Snow
It doesn't mean you'll forget. It doesn't mean you won't feel sad. It doesn't mean you'll stop missing them. And it sure as hell doesn't mean that you'll stop wondering what else you could have done.
Love is Eternal. Hugs, You did the best you could for your cat, that is all any of can do. He was lucky to have spend the last period of his life with you, in a home full of love.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Daily awaking in tears looking his pics. OCD on phone w/ his feedings out of my hand back then---like an alligator grabbing chicken
for me
) thus unsure HOW I'll react in a wk or so??? 
