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Pink Caddy, I love your suggestions, but here's the problem. It isn't that we "freaks" don't want to do things like paint the minivan with flames and unicorns, its that we have to think about how our actions could effect our loved ones. So, I want to streak through uptown on a Wednesday afternoon with purple striped tassels affixed to my elbows, but if I did that my husband and kids would have to deal with the fall out.
What Megan and I, and those in the same boat as us, "suffer" from ('suffer' is way too strong of a term) is wanting to be who we are, but not wanting to be selfish about it. It's a tug of war. My spouse knows who I am and, shockingly, loves me anyway, but he also wants me to keep it in check. I don't begrudge him that, not in the least! If situations were reversed and he was the "freak" and I the bread winner I'd expect the same.
What happens is that we grapple with supporting our family's needs vs our own. Family wins, hands down every time, but that doesn't mean we still don't long to break out the tassels.
ps. I don't own tassels. Well, at least not purple striped ones.
Well based on this post it looks like the problem isn't with the city or it's inhabitants, it's with your not being able to let go because of your family. Why did you put yourself in a position to not be able to be yourself? I don't understand why you and Megan and all the other freaks (the definition of which would likely be a key to the solution, but it's not been defined yet) would make major life decisions that so greatly compromise who you are that you're unhappy. If your spouses love who you are, why are they not supporting your preferred lifestyles?
What could possibly be so bad that your behavior will make your families suffer?
100+ posts in this thread and none of this "freak" behavior has been defined, so I don't expect an answer to what freak means. We've danced around the definition, but I guess maybe only freaks know what freaks are.
The sad thing is, tho . . . it may be there are many folks around you who do share your ideas and interests, but since no one is voicing them due to feeling they must conform . . . people never get hooked up! Now that is just beyond sad!
I agree that's the case very often. I know there are lots of people in Charlotte that I could connect with...I just struggle with how to do it.
Well based on this post it looks like the problem isn't with the city or it's inhabitants, it's with your not being able to let go because of your family. Why did you put yourself in a position to not be able to be yourself? I don't understand why you and Megan and all the other freaks (the definition of which would likely be a key to the solution, but it's not been defined yet) would make major life decisions that so greatly compromise who you are that you're unhappy. If your spouses love who you are, why are they not supporting your preferred lifestyles?
What could possibly be so bad that your behavior will make your families suffer?
100+ posts in this thread and none of this "freak" behavior has been defined, so I don't expect an answer to what freak means. We've danced around the definition, but I guess maybe only freaks know what freaks are.
We can't let go because our family lives here. It is location. That's the point.
We moved here before kids. I didn't expect to have culture shock here. I came here as me and now I've been modified. The first work party we attended I dropped the f-bomb as I would normally do because it was part of my regualr speech pattern and I had never thought anything about it before....I had to call in THREE bus-boys to clean the jaws off the floor. That was my introduction to Clt society. I came here with an open heart and mind, but didn't expect what I came across.
The people I bonded with most have either moved or live too far away to spend a lot of time with.
Many people on this thread don't want to discuss what their "freak" is because they don't want to be out-ed, I'm guessing. I could go on and on with examples, but this is a small town, after all. Not hard to figure out who is who.
My dh does support who I am. He just asks that I don't do things that would effect his business.
It's not like I sacrifice goats to the snow gods in Freedom park - my "freak" isn't freaky where we came from, hence el problemo.
Location: The place where the road & the sky collide
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyonthelake
We can't let go because our family lives here. It is location. That's the point.
We moved here before kids. I didn't expect to have culture shock here. I came here as me and now I've been modified. The first work party we attended I dropped the f-bomb as I would normally do because it was part of my regualr speech pattern and I had never thought anything about it before....I had to call in THREE bus-boys to clean the jaws off the floor. That was my introduction to Clt society. I came here with an open heart and mind, but didn't expect what I came across.
The people I bonded with most have either moved or live too far away to spend a lot of time with.
Many people on this thread don't want to discuss what their "freak" is because they don't want to be out-ed, I'm guessing. I could go on and on with examples, but this is a small town, after all. Not hard to figure out who is who.
My dh does support who I am. He just asks that I don't do things that would effect his business.
It's not like I sacrifice goats to the snow gods in Freedom park - my "freak" isn't freaky where we came from, hence el problemo.
If you went to a similar event in Philadelphia & dropped the f-bomb, it would be met with the exact same reaction. Some of those people having that reaction might drop the f-bomb at home, but not in that type of setting. Blame it on Charlotte, if you want, but it is not specific to Charlotte.
If you went to a similar event in Philadelphia & dropped the f-bomb, it would be met with the exact same reaction. Some of those people having that reaction might drop the f-bomb at home, but not in that type of setting. Blame it on Charlotte, if you want, but it is not specific to Charlotte.
That's fair. If we were in Philly then maybe I'd have started a similar thread. But, we're not in Philly, we're in Clt. And, that was just one example.
We can't let go because our family lives here. It is location. That's the point.
We moved here before kids. I didn't expect to have culture shock here. I came here as me and now I've been modified. The first work party we attended I dropped the f-bomb as I would normally do because it was part of my regualr speech pattern and I had never thought anything about it before....I had to call in THREE bus-boys to clean the jaws off the floor. That was my introduction to Clt society. I came here with an open heart and mind, but didn't expect what I came across.
The people I bonded with most have either moved or live too far away to spend a lot of time with.
Many people on this thread don't want to discuss what their "freak" is because they don't want to be out-ed, I'm guessing. I could go on and on with examples, but this is a small town, after all. Not hard to figure out who is who.
My dh does support who I am. He just asks that I don't do things that would effect his business.
It's not like I sacrifice goats to the snow gods in Freedom park - my "freak" isn't freaky where we came from, hence el problemo.
Small town? Do you really think anyone on this anonymous forum can be outed amongst 600K people? I think part of the problem, and I may have already posted this, is that people think they're far more noteworthy than they really are. I doubt anyone on this or any other forum could be outed unless they chose to be.
If I were at that party, I wouldn't think you were freaky because you dropped the f-bomb. I'd think you were crude, poorly educated, and without manners. Is swearing in public that important to you? Is that what you want your kids to learn? Is being unable to curse like a sailor the crux of your not fitting in? Excessive profanity suggests a poor vocabulary and lack of manners. Maybe by "freaky" you mean classless and crude. That wasn't my definition, but to each their own.
I'm not part of "Charlotte society" and neither is my core group of friends, but extreme profanity isn't part of our speech either. I would think most people frown on the f-bomb being dropped constantly. There's just no reason for it.
I was born and raised in Queens, NY where the "f-bomb" is part of the everyday language. I think when the doctor slapped me in the delivery room I told him to f*** off. Would I ever use this language at a work party? Not in a million years. This has nothing to do with being a freak, it has everything to do with common sense and manners.
It's absolutely MADDENING to know that you live in a place where if you admit who you are or what you believe that you will be judged, talked about, scorned, and ignored. Don't come at me with the self-esteem BS and that people shouldn't care what others think...that's complete crap. Everyone cares what other people think. That's why we dress a certain way, say certain things (like ma'am, for crying out loud), etc.
I do care about what others think - it's part of living in community with people - but I certainly don't twist who I am in order to fit in. I've created my tribe, mostly like-minded folks, and I make conscious choices with my job, where I live, who I hang out with, etc. so I just don't have to deal with close-minded, judgmental people. I give no weight to what anyone like that would have to say. Maybe I've just been lucky? I don't think so; I've worked deliberately to create my life, and help create my kids' lives. But I honestly don't run across people like that - or, maybe, I know I have space to be ME, so I'm not trying to bring out our "stuff" inappropriately? There is a time & place for everything.
That's not compromising who I am, that's part of living in a diverse community.
OP, I understand what you are saying. I am currently living in Huntersville and have not felt as out-of-place here, but it is heavy with transplants.
On the other hand, I work in a city that is older and has plenty less transplants. Just two days ago leaving work, I said hello to a public safety officer as I was leaving. This somehow started a conversation about how I had just moved from Michigan. He went on to tell me that I needed to make sure that my children go to private school. I assumed this meant that he considered NC public schools to be inferior to MI. But instead as he further divulged, the "issue" is that the public school system teaches "lies" about African-Americans.... going on to state that there are only 2 notable black people in our entire history.
I was stunned, because all I had said was good morning and this fellow decided to take up 10 minutes of my morning spewing racist comments. At that last comment, however, I started walking to my car.
Now I realize this was only one person. But on my way home, I realized that I really am an outsider at work. I do not go to church, am a liberal, and am married to a Jew. I think they see me as their freaky, liberal Northerner. Now while I do not flaunt it, or start religious or political debates, I do feel quite different than my coworkers.
Slow post day so I went in reviewed what I've been missing here...
One can only hope that one day Charlotte ascends to a Utopia where you can streak naked painted purple and drop the F-bomb at work events. This city is so backwards.
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