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I totally get what you're saying now, and it is unfortunate that adults can act more immature than children when it comes to issues like this! I have a problem with folks who try and shield their children from others who "don't look or act like them!" Why are we still fighting these same battles in 2010? We should be progressing as a society by now, but unfortunately, not much has changed! I love Charlotte, however, as with North Carolina as a whole, the culture of conformity is there, although I don't think it is as bad in Charlotte as it is in the Triad region where I reside!
I saw this as well when I lived there, far more than any other place i've lived. Even when I lived in Charlottesville, VA parents wouldn't shield their children from people who may have been different as much as i've seen in N.C.
Maybe it is more of the N.C. culture than Charlotte perhaps? I did notice a big rift between those that want to keep this whole "Small NC town, everything is perfect, conservative Charlotte" and those that want "Bustling, cosmpolitan, world class city Charlotte"
This is highly inappropriate and offensive - I for one am not on medication and my opinions are just that, my opinions. While I have been working on having more confidence in myself that still doesn't excuse some of the behavior I experienced in Charlotte where if you didn't have a nice car, lived in a nice home, and were not white and heterosexual you were looked down upon. This is not to say that everyone in Charlotte is like this, I know lots of really great people in Charlotte and at the end of the day it is a great city to live in - HOWEVER, the cliquish mentality is more prevalent in Charlotte than it is to many other cities that it aspires to be or feels it's on the same level with. And before you ask, yes, it happens in Houston as well but on the whole I still stand by my opinion that it is more prevalent in Charlotte.
To give an example - around Christmas time a few years ago I went to a party in Charlotte with a friend of mine, I tried talking to people and on the whole they were very snooty and cold. I go to Atlanta a week after Christmas and go to a party with a friend of mine - people were chatting away with me, introducing themselves, having great discussions, and I even met a girl who had just moved to Atlanta from Charlotte and she even made the comment before I did about how it's much easier to meet people and be yourself in Atlanta than it was in Charlotte.
I was stating my opinion on the whole idea and not singling anyone out. I don't know why that's "inappropriate and offensive".
You taking your small anecdotal evidence based on a handful of people in an MSA of MILLIONS and applying it to ALL OF US is offensive to me...
I hope this was not directed at me because I was sincerely asking. As I said I know many people with different interests and I am constantly amazed to learn of things happening in the area. They don't feel the need to conform and are living happy lives. For exapmle I have a good friend who is Wiccan and has been living in Charlotte for 15+ years. Through her I have learned a lot about groups and events that I (a baptist raised Christian) would not have otherwise known about.
My point is, I understand that you are trying to find others who don't feel like they fit in. It may make you feel better knowing others are in a similar nonconforming, unhappy boat. If you can find others with same interests you may move to a new boat and begin to feel nonconforming and happy. I honestly hope things work out for you in positive direction.
No, definitely not directed at you. More at people who tell me that I need medication instead being able to disagree w/ their perspective
I can read that you are being sincere and I appreciate that.
Is your friend openly about her Wiccan beliefs to everyone she meets?
I totally get what you're saying now, and it is unfortunate that adults can act more immature than children when it comes to issues like this! I have a problem with folks who try and shield their children from others who "don't look or act like them!" Why are we still fighting these same battles in 2010? We should be progressing as a society by now, but unfortunately, not much has changed! I love Charlotte, however, as with North Carolina as a whole, the culture of conformity is there, although I don't think it is as bad in Charlotte as it is in the Triad region where I reside!
Your comment about fighting these same battles in 2010 is spot on, I wonder why myself! It's a shame and absolutely disgraceful.
I hate to think that there are other areas that are worse than here, but since my only experience is in Charlotte it is the only thing I can speak upon.
I like progress...I hope Charlotte does more of it
I saw this as well when I lived there, far more than any other place i've lived. Even when I lived in Charlottesville, VA parents wouldn't shield their children from people who may have been different as much as i've seen in N.C.
Maybe it is more of the N.C. culture than Charlotte perhaps? I did notice a big rift between those that want to keep this whole "Small NC town, everything is perfect, conservative Charlotte" and those that want "Bustling, cosmpolitan, world class city Charlotte"
You are right on the money! It seems to me that most of it is about people who want to keep Charlotte a small conservative family town versus those who want to build a bigger, more cosmopolitan metropolis, I'm for the latter! There's no question that Charlotte is a diverse city, however, is it a diverse community? Studys have said that there is a lot of mistrust among the races, especially among black and white! It's good that there are a lot of integrated neighborhoods in Charlotte where people of different races and nationalities reside, but real diversity is when you are interacting among those groups regularly and not only at work! I'm not suggesting that you invite people over to your homes everyday, but it is important to get to know your neighbors more and finding out what each other's interests are and getting to understand your neighbors better. It shouldn't always be about assimilation and conformity, it should be about respecting each other's differences and beliefs and trying to come together to bridge those gaps that divide us; that is what builds a stronger, more diverse community! Charlotte has been more focused on business in the past, now it is time to focus more on building a community!
Your comment about fighting these same battles in 2010 is spot on, I wonder why myself! It's a shame and absolutely disgraceful.
I hate to think that there are other areas that are worse than here, but since my only experience is in Charlotte it is the only thing I can speak upon.
I like progress...I hope Charlotte does more of it
Maybe the issue isn't fitting in as much as it is in being a pleasant person to be around. If one absolutely disputes anything said that doesn't fit one's preconceptions, makes negative broad generalizations based on age or other demographics, and continues to insist they are in the enlightened position because they have seen the world, then I would say the issue isn't conformity. It's more an issue of being avoided by others who simply have better things to do.
So, maybe you should take your own advice? Or, do you not have anything better to do?
I was born in Charlotte (obviously) and I can understand what everyone is saying about not finding your niche, feeling different, etc. but I have to wonder if it is your reaction to things more than actual happenings.
For instance, I have had friends say they felt uncomfortable dressed a certain way in a certain restaurant. I was dressed similarly and I didn't feel the least bit uncomfortable - no unusual stares, comments, etc. Maybe I am just more confident or maybe the perpetrators were careful to not let me see/hear them? I guess I just wonder if some people are being overly sensitive. I have friends that 'fly the freaky flag' and they do occasionally get stared at, etc. - surprize!!! Why else do they dress/pierce/tattoo/act the way they do other than to draw attention? If someone stares at you - stare back. Ugly comments are another matter but you can't change rude. Deal with it.
I do have to say that I am really surprised so many people keep moving to Charlotte - after reading some of these posts why don't people leave?
It isn't so easy to leave. I have my house on the market and no bites. Also, it's not an easy job market to be in. Right now if you have a job, you'd better fight to keep it.
However, the advantages that a place like Clt has for my KIDS outweigh the cons is has for ME personally. I did say I like the trees here I'd rather have my kids grow up with a closer relationship to nature, like I did, then in a completely urban environment when they're young. I do want to be out of here when they get a bit older, though, so they can be exposed to different ways of life.
You are right on the money! It seems to me that most of it is about people who want to keep Charlotte a small conservative family town versus those who want to build a bigger, more cosmopolitan metropolis, I'm for the latter! There's no question that Charlotte is a diverse city, however, is it a diverse community? Studys have said that there is a lot of mistrust among the races, especially among black and white! It's good that there are a lot of integrated neighborhoods in Charlotte where people of different races and nationalities reside, but real diversity is when you are interacting among those groups regularly and not only at work! I'm not suggesting that you invite people over to your homes everyday, but it is important to get to know your neighbors more and finding out what each other's interests are and getting to understand your neighbors better. It shouldn't always be about assimilation and conformity, it should be about respecting each other's differences and beliefs and trying to come together to bridge those gaps that divide us; that is what builds a stronger, more diverse community! Charlotte has been more focused on business in the past, now it is time to focus more on building a community!
YES!!!!!! Perfectly written. Maybe that's what I miss. And, you've described the issue really well.
It isn't so easy to leave. I have my house on the market and no bites. Also, it's not an easy job market to be in. Right now if you have a job, you'd better fight to keep it.
However, the advantages that a place like Clt has for my KIDS outweigh the cons is has for ME personally. I did say I like the trees here I'd rather have my kids grow up with a closer relationship to nature, like I did, then in a completely urban environment when they're young. I do want to be out of here when they get a bit older, though, so they can be exposed to different ways of life.
I hate it when people always "if you don't like it here, then leave!" I think we should be trying to find out what it is we can do to improve things and work on making it a much better, enjoyable place for everyone, instead of taking that nonchalant "if you don't like it here, then leave" approach! Like I said, I like Charlotte a lot, go there every chance I get, but I do recognize there is a lot that needs to be done to improve things and make things better!
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