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I was in a very "busy" church for three years and I feel burned out.
While I'm tired of constantly baking, making banners, volunteering at nurseries, serving on church counsel, decorating, cleaning up, painting faces, preparing for parties and church events and I need time to heal, I also miss being in fellowship with other believers.
Recently, I met a woman who had a similar experience while her husband was an assistant pastor at a medium sized church. Her feeling was to do what I had said in an earlier post, was to "get lost in a megachurch, listen to music, sing and worship - and heal.
Meeting this woman when I did confirmed that I am "not the only one". I've decided to visit churches until I find the one that feels right to me.
I am not putting denominational strictures on where I attend. I am visiting some that are in the denomination that I was raised in, and others that are not. I'm really trying to get a feel of different church traditions or styles of worship.
So far, I have visited two. There are good things about both. But I am not sure yet. I have about 20 on my list.
I am wondering if anyone else has ever been in this situation, and if so, how long did you give yourself to find a church home?
Reasonably, I'd say that six months would be a good time frame. It will give me a chance to visit all of the churches that look interesting to me, and to get a feel for which ones seem to have be operating under the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
I am seeking a place where Christianity is practiced, not Churchianty.
Please pray for me as I embark on this journey. Thank you.
I was in a very "busy" church for three years and I feel burned out.
While I'm tired of constantly baking, making banners, volunteering at nurseries, serving on church counsel, decorating, cleaning up, painting faces, preparing for parties and church events and I need time to heal, I also miss being in fellowship with other believers.
Recently, I met a woman who had a similar experience while her husband was an assistant pastor at a medium sized church. Her feeling was to do what I had said in an earlier post, was to "get lost in a megachurch, listen to music, sing and worship - and heal.
Meeting this woman when I did confirmed that I am "not the only one". I've decided to visit churches until I find the one that feels right to me.
I am not putting denominational strictures on where I attend. I am visiting some that are in the denomination that I was raised in, and others that are not. I'm really trying to get a feel of different church traditions or styles of worship.
So far, I have visited two. There are good things about both. But I am not sure yet. I have about 20 on my list.
I am wondering if anyone else has ever been in this situation, and if so, how long did you give yourself to find a church home?
Reasonably, I'd say that six months would be a good time frame. It will give me a chance to visit all of the churches that look interesting to me, and to get a feel for which ones seem to have be operating under the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
I am seeking a place where Christianity is practiced, not Churchianty.
Please pray for me as I embark on this journey. Thank you.
My wife and I have an opposent experience. We spent nearly 30 years of our lives in a large church. We put our children through it as they had a great youth program. However, in those 30 we got to know nearly no one eccept the parents in of the youth groups our children were in. When our children left home they joined much smaller churches and we decided this church was too large and impersonal for us so we joined a much smaller church of the same denomination. The minister made a special appointment to know and care for us and so did the congration. I specially like his sermons, which to me is the main reason for going to church. All of the activities you were engaged in is only secondary in nature. You should pick a church that has a great message convayed by a great minister. If you present church has that kind of minister, stay with the church, just say no to getting involved in all the social activities as you are just warn out. Seek churches that have a great ministery and minister, but you also want a friendly church, which usually can only be found in small congregations.
Is it possible you were in a good church, but you were simply substituting busyness with simple faith? That sort of thing can happen in any church--big or small. All switching churches does is put you in a new environment where no one expects you to work.
Is it possible you were in a good church, but you were simply substituting busyness with simple faith? That sort of thing can happen in any church--big or small. All switching churches does is put you in a new environment where no one expects you to work.
No. I didn't want to be so stressed and busy. That was the culture of the church. They were always planning for the next event, what ever that might be.
Because it was a smallish church, with many elderly people and many young people with babies, the lions share of the work was put on the backs of about eight women mostly in their late 30s through early 50s. We were old enough to not have infants and to be thought of as mature Christians and young enough to be able to physically set up tables and chairs, cook meals for dinners, care for children, paint backdrops for Vacation Bible School.
Saying "no I can't do it" was not an option. There was no ministry to the people who did all of this work. Only more requests to do more work.
There was a Ladies Bible Study, and the average age of these Ladies was 83. I went once and I felt out of place. I didn't feel that welcomed and I was not the only one. These women had grown up in the church and were not thrilled with "all the new people".
The church was "clique-ish" in general. The women in their 40s all had "best friends".
The entire time I went there, I was never so much as asked out for a cup of coffee.
When we moved, no one said good bye, but several days before the moving trucks came, I was asked to cook something for an annual dinner.
Both Pastors knew that we were moving. No one from the church asked us if we needed help, or thanked us at all for the work, contributions, and time we had donated to the church.
The sermons and music were good. In youth group, the teenagers were not friendly to my kids.
My wife and I have an opposent experience. We spent nearly 30 years of our lives in a large church. We put our children through it as they had a great youth program. However, in those 30 we got to know nearly no one eccept the parents in of the youth groups our children were in. When our children left home they joined much smaller churches and we decided this church was too large and impersonal for us so we joined a much smaller church of the same denomination. The minister made a special appointment to know and care for us and so did the congration. I specially like his sermons, which to me is the main reason for going to church. All of the activities you were engaged in is only secondary in nature. You should pick a church that has a great message convayed by a great minister. If you present church has that kind of minister, stay with the church, just say no to getting involved in all the social activities as you are just warn out. Seek churches that have a great ministery and minister, but you also want a friendly church, which usually can only be found in small congregations.
I agree that having a minister who gives good sermons is important. I agree that the activities are secondary, but in that church, they came first. Before anything.
The smaller church that we left when we moved was as unfriendly as the large church that you attended. The Pastors were both very nice, but the people were aloof and cliquey.
Perhaps the size doesn't matter. A small church can be just as cold as a large one.
I am glad that you are being fed in your new church.
I know how you feel. My wife and I are looking for a new church home after worshipping at a small congregation for a long time. For us, it just wasn't the constant planning and need for people for the next thing, as you say, but that because of the small size, the pastor and leaders put tremendous pressure on people to "participate." We decided to look elsewhere after a deacon handled the "sermon" for a Sunday morning service and used it to basically order the congregation to be there and in attendance every time they have some function (whether it was a service or not).
We are not adverse to helping or participating, but we also both work full time jobs (and it is common for me to have to do 10 hour days), and with all the demands of life it is unrealistic to try and be at church 4 nights a week, and two days on the weekend.
We are looking at some larger, non denominational churches ourselves. Not sure we will find out home there, but we feel that a decent size congregation will allow us opportunities to be involved when we can, without expectation that we must be involved for every last thing.
I agree that having a minister who gives good sermons is important. I agree that the activities are secondary, but in that church, they came first. Before anything.
The smaller church that we left when we moved was as unfriendly as the large church that you attended. The Pastors were both very nice, but the people were aloof and cliquey.
Perhaps the size doesn't matter. A small church can be just as cold as a large one.
I am glad that you are being fed in your new church.
The purpose of a church is to worship God and inspiration. However, Bible study groups usually are quite small, even in large churches. This is where you really learn about the Bible, and each other. Being aloof and cliquish in these groups is inexcusable. I too, would be looking elsewhere.
Is it possible you were in a good church, but you were simply substituting busyness with simple faith? That sort of thing can happen in any church--big or small. All switching churches does is put you in a new environment where no one expects you to work.
That is another good reason not to go to church - because most of them are keen on making tons of unnecessary "busy work" for the people, as if people do not already have enough things to do as it is. I consider it an added stress that churches try to put on people, frankly. I do not need a church stealing my time from me. I can serve God without playing church.
No. I didn't want to be so stressed and busy. That was the culture of the church. They were always planning for the next event, what ever that might be.
Because it was a smallish church, with many elderly people and many young people with babies, the lions share of the work was put on the backs of about eight women mostly in their late 30s through early 50s. We were old enough to not have infants and to be thought of as mature Christians and young enough to be able to physically set up tables and chairs, cook meals for dinners, care for children, paint backdrops for Vacation Bible School.
Saying "no I can't do it" was not an option. There was no ministry to the people who did all of this work. Only more requests to do more work.
There was a Ladies Bible Study, and the average age of these Ladies was 83. I went once and I felt out of place. I didn't feel that welcomed and I was not the only one. These women had grown up in the church and were not thrilled with "all the new people".
The church was "clique-ish" in general. The women in their 40s all had "best friends".
The entire time I went there, I was never so much as asked out for a cup of coffee.
When we moved, no one said good bye, but several days before the moving trucks came, I was asked to cook something for an annual dinner.
Both Pastors knew that we were moving. No one from the church asked us if we needed help, or thanked us at all for the work, contributions, and time we had donated to the church.
The sermons and music were good. In youth group, the teenagers were not friendly to my kids.
I've experienced churches like this. It is no wonder my days of "going to church" are over. My kids are grown. We took them and they were all baptized in the Baptist church. But I'm done with that whole thing. Truth is, I could not attend any place where a person stands in a pulpit. It is against my beliefs.
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