I want to share something that I believe the Lord did in my life recently...to keep me from what could have been a falling into a life of sin. It might encourage some of you or even challenge you. It might even move some to repent of similar sin. My main purpose in sharing this is to give glory to the living Lord.
I wondered about sharing this so publicly but at the same time I am reminded of Jesus's warning against hypocrisy. That there is nothing hidden which shall not be revealed. And in so far as the Lord might use what I share to the good of some...I wanted to share.
Anyway here is my journal entry detailing what happened to me. This all happened a few weeks ago.
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My computer is now working. Earlier today, the screen was not working and I could see nothing (even though both Windows and Linux were coming on to their respective intro music).
I believe that I have seen the hand of the living God disciplining me through my circumstances again. For the third time.
The first time was a little over two weeks ago when I went off and watched Internet porn. The next morning, the radiator on my truck sprung a very serious and massive leak. I wondered if that was God's discipline somehow but pretty much ignored the thought.
Then a few days later I went off and watched porn again. This time, the next morning found me with a very bad sinus infection which I have been getting over for going on two weeks now. There was no clue that it was coming. It just hit me and overwhelmed me that morning. I wondered then too if that was God's discipline but wasn't sure.
Finally last night, I wanted to watch porn again and would have done so but I was so incredibly tired that I just couldn't be bothered. My not doing it was certainly not motivated by godly motives of wanting to please the Lord. My heart was committed to doing it but I just couldn't be bothered to hook everything up for the Internet to access the porn. I was so tired.
Today...when I got on the computer for the first time...the screen was blank. Well...all but blank, except for a few lines in it. There was obviously something wrong with my computer screen.
I was told by a computer fellow that it was probably the LCD emmitter or something similar. Only about $100 to fix but given that I did not have $100 to plunk down on this problem it all but would have left me without a phone (I use my computer to make calls), without being able to print my business cards - which I need to do real bad, without effective email, without being able to sell my business database of customers - on the computer, and many other things.
So...without my computer I went to see a movie. When I got out, I decided to turn my computer on just to see if it was still not usable and lo and behold it came up normally.
Now I can't say with absolute certainty that this too was God's discipline but I find it rather telling that each time I have gone off and either watched porn or set my heart to do so...something very bad has happened to me the next day. The bible says every fact shall be confirmed by the testimony of two or three witnesses. This is now the third witness that something bad is likely to happen to me if I go off and watch porn again.
I need to stop. Plain and simple. I cannot risk another bad thing to go and watch porn. If this is not God's active and personal discipline then it strikes me as rather miraculous that three bad things, really bad things, have happened so coincidentally after my three times of watching porn. I cannot...dare not...take the chance of ignoring what appears to be God's discipline of my sin.
The Bible says to not take lightly the discipline of the Lord but rather to make straight paths for my feet. Paths of righteousness. To walk righteously. How else was the Lord supposed to get my attention other than how He has?
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Interestingly my computer has worked flawlessly since I experienced it not working as described above. It has not experienced any problems at all since last month.
Until today. For a few brief moments it stopped working again. I had been sinking into depressive thoughts. The world situation, the situation in the States, my brother being diagnosed with cancer in one of his kidneys, being stuck in Canada yet once more, bad back, etc., etc. When I get that way I am all the more likely to go off and do what I shouldn't.
Well...the computer did not work again for a few brief moments. It had been working. When I closed the lid...it stopped working. I prayed and asked the Lord to please let my computer work again...turned it off, back on and it worked again.
It also reminded me of the discipline I experienced and that the Lord does not want me to go off and watch internet porn!
I have not watched porn since the Lord disciplined me and my heart is committed to not doing so. I am too afraid of the consequences. I think it's called the fear of God in the Bible. A respectful awareness of who God is and what He is capable of doing to discipline me as His child.
A while back I had fallen into a daily habit of watching porn in an apartment I was renting. It was so easy to go off into a make believe life to soothe whatever ache, depression, or anxiety I was feeling at the time. Or even for no other reason than being bored. I knew it was wrong and that I shouldn't do it but I grew comfortable with this sin.
Through a series of circumstances which were not my fault...I got kicked out of my apartment. Unfairly so. I probably could have sued. Among other things the landlord has some real issues in his life. Like screaming at tenants. Something I told him I wouldn't put up with when he started screaming at me for something that did not call for screaming.
What I find interesting in hindsight is that the Lord seemed to have had His hand in that too. In my getting kicked out I mean. It is not easy for me to watch porn over the Internet while living in my truck. Not nearly as easy as watching it in the privacy of my own apartment.
I was at that apartment for all of about two months. Though I did not watch porn all that time I did fall into watching it daily toward the end.
Looking back on things I would have to say that the Lord's hand has probably been involved in disciplining me for this or that before but...I have been too blind to see it. Until now. My senses have become more aware of the connection between difficult circumstances that may happen to me and the need in my life at the time for some good ol fashioned discipline. From the hand of my heavenly Father.
I am so thankful that the Lord did not let me continue sinning! I trust Him to be there for me in the future and if need be, to discipline me again. It would be better to be sure if I just did the right thing. But His discipline is there should I need it. Just like the discipline an earthly father should give his children. It is a good thing!
In closing I would like to quote a series of verses on the discipline of God. There is a lot to chew on there.
The quote is from the King James which is not copyrighted. I have taken liberty to change some of the words used to their modern day equivalents and have changed the order of some words to say things, again, using modern language constructs. You can look up the verses in whatever version you use if you don't like what I have done with it here (don't get caught up in the changes I have made and miss whatever good there is to be learned from how the Lord disciplined me through my circumstances).
Quote:
In your striving against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as to children,
My son, don't despise the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when you are rebuked by him;
For whom the Lord loves he chastens, and scourges every son who he receives.
If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is he who the father chastens not?
But if you are without chastisement, of which all are partakers, then you are bastards, and not sons.
Furthermore we have had earthly fathers who corrected us, and we gave them respect: shall we not much rather be in subjection to the Father of spirits, and live?
For in truth, for a few days they chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness.
Now no chastening for the present seems joyful, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to them which are trained by it.
Therefore lift up the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees; And make straight paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the way; but let it rather be healed.
Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord:
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Carlos
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....i have a passion for music and to play the drums and i wanna serve God with this passion but lately ive had some finger and wrist pains. I think this is Gods diciplin.
