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One of my best friend’s was a former Jehovah’s Witness. We have been best friends since we met in 2007. She has been kicked out of the religion (shunned by all of her family, friends, etc. who are currently still involved. They have completely ceased communication with her.) for about 8-9 years. She moved out of her home state shortly after being kicked out and moved to Florida (where I live and we met). I can’t remember the reason why she was kicked out, but I think it was for something ridiculous. Anyway, any discussion we’ve ever had about her being a Jehovah’s Witness was about how unbearably strict it was, how unhappy it made her, and how depressing it is that she is now unable to communicate with her family. Now personally, I cannot understand how anyone would want to be a part of a religion, or worship a God that would deem it acceptable to alienate your immediate family, but then again, I am an Agnostic so maybe I don’t “get it.” To each his own. The reason I’m an Agnostic, is because my mother was raised in a cultish religion called the Worldwide Church of God (Grace Communion International) which bears a striking resemblance to the many JW beliefs & practices, with just a few differences. My mom wanted me to grow up making my own choices about faith and God, and I am very thankful for that.
Anyway, several months ago my friend’s dog passed away and this (coupled with a serious relationship she was involved that ended the year prior) threw her into a deep depression. It was then that she started to think about life, death, life after death, etc. We talked about beliefs and what we thought. Well, just about two weeks after this happened, she announced she was going to return to being a JW. Immediately, I thought “that’s it, friendship over.” Lol. (Because what is happening right now, is EXACTLY what I knew was going to happen between us.) She said she was depressed, and missed her family, which is completely understandable. And these are reasons for her wanting to be reinstated. I tried to talk her into exploring other spiritual options that wouldn’t place so much restriction on her life so she could still have a relationship with God and answer these important life questions, but she was not interested. As she began going back to her meetings, she started sending literature to me regularly from the “watchtower.” I refuse to read that garbage, and it started to annoy me. We were getting into debates about God, the bible, and eventually I told her I did not feel comfortable discussing religion with her anymore, because we are on very different levels of belief. I said let’s still be friends, just without discussing anything involving her being a JW and me being Agnostic, because I will never be a Jehovah’s Witness.
So, we still hang out from time to time. But she declines many invitations to do things that we used to do regularly because she’s too tired/feels fat/whatever other reason she comes up with. I don’t invite her to do bad things – you know going to dinner, maybe going to grab a drink, hang out at the beach, etc. And she does not invite me to her place to hang out as nearly as often as she did before announcing her newfound interest in being a JW again. Her other friend, who is actually Catholic, lol.. (and coincidentally has now become close with me recently) is also noticing this weird behavior. I think my JW friend is starting to separate from the “worldly” people in her life, because she is afraid she won’t get reinstated. But I don’t really know. All in all, I have never encountered this with any other friends of other faiths even my hardcore Christian friends and family, even though I’m Agnostic. We respect each other’s beliefs and leave it at that, and still continue on. So, is this it as far as my friendship with my JW friend goes? I have been a loyal friend to her for a long time. Has anyone had an experience with a JW in their life? Should I just move on?
Yes, I have had the same type of experience with a JW friend. She changed tremendously after joining the JW organization. We stay in touch, sort of, but are no longer close. That's her choice and I have no option other than to respect it, but I miss her friendship.
One of my best friend’s was a former Jehovah’s Witness. We have been best friends since we met in 2007. She has been kicked out of the religion (shunned by all of her family, friends, etc. who are currently still involved. They have completely ceased communication with her.) for about 8-9 years. She moved out of her home state shortly after being kicked out and moved to Florida (where I live and we met). I can’t remember the reason why she was kicked out, but I think it was for something ridiculous. Anyway, any discussion we’ve ever had about her being a Jehovah’s Witness was about how unbearably strict it was, how unhappy it made her, and how depressing it is that she is now unable to communicate with her family. Now personally, I cannot understand how anyone would want to be a part of a religion, or worship a God that would deem it acceptable to alienate your immediate family, but then again, I am an Agnostic so maybe I don’t “get it.” To each his own. The reason I’m an Agnostic, is because my mother was raised in a cultish religion called the Worldwide Church of God (Grace Communion International) which bears a striking resemblance to the many JW beliefs & practices, with just a few differences. My mom wanted me to grow up making my own choices about faith and God, and I am very thankful for that.
Anyway, several months ago my friend’s dog passed away and this (coupled with a serious relationship she was involved that ended the year prior) threw her into a deep depression. It was then that she started to think about life, death, life after death, etc. We talked about beliefs and what we thought. Well, just about two weeks after this happened, she announced she was going to return to being a JW. Immediately, I thought “that’s it, friendship over.” Lol. (Because what is happening right now, is EXACTLY what I knew was going to happen between us.) She said she was depressed, and missed her family, which is completely understandable. And these are reasons for her wanting to be reinstated. I tried to talk her into exploring other spiritual options that wouldn’t place so much restriction on her life so she could still have a relationship with God and answer these important life questions, but she was not interested. As she began going back to her meetings, she started sending literature to me regularly from the “watchtower.” I refuse to read that garbage, and it started to annoy me. We were getting into debates about God, the bible, and eventually I told her I did not feel comfortable discussing religion with her anymore, because we are on very different levels of belief. I said let’s still be friends, just without discussing anything involving her being a JW and me being Agnostic, because I will never be a Jehovah’s Witness.
So, we still hang out from time to time. But she declines many invitations to do things that we used to do regularly because she’s too tired/feels fat/whatever other reason she comes up with. I don’t invite her to do bad things – you know going to dinner, maybe going to grab a drink, hang out at the beach, etc. And she does not invite me to her place to hang out as nearly as often as she did before announcing her newfound interest in being a JW again. Her other friend, who is actually Catholic, lol.. (and coincidentally has now become close with me recently) is also noticing this weird behavior. I think my JW friend is starting to separate from the “worldly” people in her life, because she is afraid she won’t get reinstated. But I don’t really know. All in all, I have never encountered this with any other friends of other faiths even my hardcore Christian friends and family, even though I’m Agnostic. We respect each other’s beliefs and leave it at that, and still continue on. So, is this it as far as my friendship with my JW friend goes? I have been a loyal friend to her for a long time. Has anyone had an experience with a JW in their life? Should I just move on?
Wow, what a wonderful attitude and friend may I add !!
Yes, I have and the friendship has faded and to me is better then to continue and possibly further disagreements causing hurts due to the different beliefs.
There is a reason I believe for all things that come into our lives and by the sounds of your character its seem very loving, kind and caring and maybe that is the reason you were brought into her life.... a friendship filled with acceptance and love at a time much needed by her...... during the difficulty with the rejection of her family and etc. !
I believe with all my heart all you can do is love her and continue to respect her as you have done as we can not change the heart of another. What will happen will happen. More than likely, like mine the friendship may fade leading you both on another path in your's and her life.
rivermeetsanend, let the friendship go. Eventually, your JW friend will let it go anyway. My understanding is that JWs can't have close ties to non-JWs. They are definitely encouraged to hang with their own kind, that's it.
I don't know a lot about JW's. I've lived next door to them and worked side by side with them. They seem to come in all shapes and sizes. The guy I worked with swore and told dirty jokes all day long. He made cat calls to women when we'd drive by them in our marked work truck. He ripped off our employer for thousands of dollars and never blinked an eye. He was one the biggest jerks I've ever met.
My JW neighbors were quite a work. The daughter had two kids out of wedlock and an abortion, one kid when she was 13 the other when she was 16, the abortion in between. In order to stay JW her parents had to adopt the kids and pretend they were theirs. So, you have a 50 year old mom with a newborn and no one knows the difference?
Our church has weekly visitation. We go out and knock on doors and talk about God and invite people to our church. I have tried witnessing to JW's and they are not interested in the least. They don't even want to debate.
Several times our church has had series on cults. Some of their beliefs are pretty far afield.
If I was you I'd move on or at least put her on the back burner. It's obvious you care for her, but you've tried reaching out and for unknown reasons she isn't willing to reciprocate. What more can you do?
It's great that your church has weekly visitation. If I knew of any churches that do the same, I'd at least visit them. Evangelism would make my life more meaningful. It would fill the emptiness. I can't and won't do it alone (too dangerous). Would love to find a church that personally evangelizes weekly. Sure, it involves sacrificing time, but it would be worth it.
About the OP's friend, agreed. Leave her be. She isn't interested in maintaining a friendship with a non-JW.
Associating with non-JW's is considered "bad association" As long as she stays a JW, you might as well forget your friendship. In their eyes, "your bad".
Thank you everyone for your helpful replies. I don't know too much about the Jehovah's Witness religion beyond the things she's told me and I've googled. Well it's very sad that she feels she has no other choice but to be a JW again to rekindle her relationship with her family. It seems almost like a cult to me, but I don't really know. I'm sure there is nothing I can do at this point except focus on friendships that are actively interested in being a part of my life. How disappointing! Thanks for the insight. I was hoping I'd get told something different but I guess my instincts were right.
It's great that your church has weekly visitation. If I knew of any churches that do the same, I'd at least visit them. Evangelism would make my life more meaningful. It would fill the emptiness. I can't and won't do it alone (too dangerous). Would love to find a church that personally evangelizes weekly. Sure, it involves sacrificing time, but it would be worth it.
About the OP's friend, agreed. Leave her be. She isn't interested in maintaining a friendship with a non-JW.
Thanks. Visitation was probably the most terrifying thing I'd ever done when I started. I never thought anyone would want to listen to me. We go out in groups of three, sometimes two, if not enough show up. We never pair a man and woman alone together. Apparently there have been instances where one accuses the other of misconduct in other churches. It is eyeopening. I can't say I've seen a lot of fruit for our sowing.
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