Why So Many Pastors’ Wives Deal With Loneliness (messages, women, churches)
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After reading this short article, shouldnt the pastors wife have a life outside of her husband, just like any other married woman should have some sort of life outside of their husband.
After reading this short article, shouldnt the pastors wife have a life outside of her husband, just like any other married woman should have some sort of life outside of their husband.
I'm not saying what any individual should, or should not do. but, these are just a few of, MY OBSERVATIONS, in response tothe list. not to any individual, as to what they should, or not do. but only responding to the LIST.
Loneliness is a choice.
there is no yea, or na to relationships. but there are some thing that one can change to improve ones marriage, and life. it starts with, and began with both person in the marriage.
I read the blog. interesting, some, but, not all, of those concerns could, and or should, and can be avoided. they are mostly logistical in nature.
first thing first, ADDRESSING the LIST ONLY. and not in any order, she is not the Pastor wife. she didn't marry the Pastor. she married her husband. first off get rid of those titles. (again ones choice)
and two, she is not the church baby sitter, for the complaints against her husband, who is Pastor. (again ones choice)
and three, time can be made for each other, that's logistical in nature, which most of the other complaints fall under. eliminate a few of these the rest will concur with ones marriage, and life. (again ones choice)
Contrary to popular belief, not all pastors make huge amounts of money and wives cannot compete with church members on their low income.
Huh? Why is there "competition" within the body? After reading the list carefully, three times, I (personally) believe that these women's complaints are mostly selfish.
A big mistake a lot of pastors make is to put the ministry before the family. God has a way of knocking those pastors down (sometimes by losing their wives).
In my church, the pastor's wife is "one of the girls". We are all equal in Christ. Someone should suggest that those wives forge their own relationships with God and do the work He set forth for them to do.
If anything, it sounds like the pastors they are referring too have no clue how to be there for their women. General common sense rule most men know are if you show a woman no attention, she will turn to someone else or finds ways to replace you.
But alot of the stuff listed when I looked at it sounds like bigger issues with the church themselves.
-Whining to the wife ab out the pastor rather than the pastor himself
-Being distant from the 1st lady
- And alot of judging and assuming too
If anything, it sounds like the pastors they are referring too have no clue how to be there for their women. General common sense rule most men know are if you show a woman no attention, she will turn to someone else or finds ways to replace you.
But alot of the stuff listed when I looked at it sounds like bigger issues with the church themselves.
-Whining to the wife ab out the pastor rather than the pastor himself
-Being distant from the 1st lady
- And alot of judging and assuming too
SAAN this is a good topic. I limited my comments in my first reply. because being on an open forum it's easy to give advice, and someone take it the wrong way. but personally, I think some, not all couples, in leadership positions set their own self up for failure, and wreck marriages.
this is good that women and WIVES are speaking out. every voice needs to be heard. and looking at the list. some are easily corrected. but other need cooperation on both ends. and being in leadership positions, is not a an easy thing. for all eyes are on the couple. but make yourself YOU AND HIM, not just HIM. I'll comment on this topic later.
be blessed.
P.S. yes there were problems in the first church, but if no one speak out the problems festers, thanks for the topic.
If anything, it sounds like the pastors they are referring too have no clue how to be there for their women. General common sense rule most men know are if you show a woman no attention, she will turn to someone else or finds ways to replace you.
But alot of the stuff listed when I looked at it sounds like bigger issues with the church themselves.
-Whining to the wife ab out the pastor rather than the pastor himself
-Being distant from the 1st lady
- And alot of judging and assuming too
SAAN, you said something, that I was not going to address at first. but I think I will. "General common sense rule most men know are if you show a woman no attention, she will turn to someone else or finds ways to replace you". that's not loneliness, now don't take this the wrong way, nor as a chastisement. but why turn to someone else, or "FIND", ways to replace someone?. when one say, "replace", to me that not loneliness, but, and please don't misunderstand me, I understand the seriousness of loneliness, it can affect the body as well as the mind. which is great for the discussion. but I would like to address the "replacement", which could be an effect of the loneliness. (because, sometimes people say, I wasn't in my right mind at the time). which is understandable.
first I must go bible with that "replacement", and then 101c. first bible, 1 Corinthians 7:27 "Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife”. this is for the wife also. yea, for a wife to depart is in 1 Corinthians 7:15 that for an unbelieving spouse. here we're talking about save, sanctified couples, (I hope).
so, trying to find a way out of a marriage?. try other options. now, 101c. what I say may or may not address what you said, but here go. when I married my wife, she was a Christian, of Christian, (smile). meaning whatever her Pastor said, it must comes from God. well I was not in church at that time, (on a regular basis) smile. but I loved my wife. and we would get into those petty argument over who's right. her pastor was wining most of the time. so it seem I was a bit isolate, because when a church event came up, (look like they had an event for every other day of the week, it seem to me at that time). and ever time we discussed something, her pastor name came up, "well the pastor said". well I got tired of hearing what the pastor had to say. so I got smart, I started a bible study with her in our home, and with the bible, (knowledge), was the only way I convinced here that her Pastor put his pants on the same way I did. well it took almost a couple of year to get her pastor out of our home for good. and finally, she started to listening to what I had to say, and do. and it paid off. other words what I'm saying, don't get mad, or upset, or be lonely. DON'T TRY IN "FIND" A WAY TO REPLACE SOMEONE, apparently there was something there in the first place in order to marry the person. sometimes one must fight a fire, not with water, but with fire. in my case, bible, with bible. if one is going to "find" a way, about something, hopefully, let it be a way to overcome the present circumstances. now speaking generally, women are smarter that men, generally, (smile)...........Uh O. use what God gave you, your BRAIN. FIND a way to overcome. and two, taking into account, all thing are equal on the same level of play, people are grown, no one can make a grown person do anything that don't want to do. but one can, (and I don't want to use that word), but coerced one into doing something for the better. scripture again, Matthew 10:16 "Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves". sometimes a woman gotta do what a woman gotta do.
so don't sit still, take action. even a simple hair change can do it, just as an example. but be smart about what you're doing. start with you, and then work on the other, for a marriage in not a replacement, but a PLACEMENT of the Heart.
After reading this short article, shouldnt the pastors wife have a life outside of her husband, just like any other married woman should have some sort of life outside of their husband.
It's difficult for a wife. She sees her husband get badmouthed by uninformed congregants who only know half the story. She is often untrained, or at least less educated than her husband...but she is seen as an assistant pastor by most churches--one without a title. Just as the pastor doesn't usually have a lot of close friends in the congregation, the wife usually doesn't either. We have a whole bunch of friends...but no "best friends" in the church.
My wife and I were warned when I entered the ministry that there would be those that wanted to be close to us just so they could be in the "inner circle" and would know all the good gossip, or have more influence. We came to realize a year later that yeah--there were a few like that. We need to be wary of who we confide in. We can't discuss personal issues of members with other members--there is a confidentiality thing.
Thom Rainer is the president and CEO of LifeWay Christian Resources. Before starting ThomRainer.com he served at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary for twelve years where he was the founding dean of the Billy Graham School of Missions and Evangelism. He began ThomRainer.com as a resource for pastors, church staff and other Christian leaders. Over the years many pastor's wives have joined his reading and listening audience. The lonely pastor's wives article is deduced from hundreds of blog, Twitter and Facebook comments and messages he's received. Of all these hundreds of comments and messages loneliness is the #1 challenge felt by pastor's wives. The twelve reasons couldn't be any easier to follow or agree with IMO.
If you go to the article I linked above and read some of the comments from actual pastor's wives it adds more to the message. Pastor's wives can and do unfortunately feel loneliness. This can lead to depression and a host of other problems.
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