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Update:
The thing is he is MARRIED with an adorable kid.
Before all this started happening I admired sincerely respected him as a person, I only had feelings of friendship and affection that any girl would have for their kind and fun youth pastor. Most definitely not in a romantic/sexual way.
He does not treat any other person in the youth group this way. I would have noticed.
I don't want to get him into deep trouble by talking to someone in authority, and my parents would FREAK and I would probably never attend youth again if they found out, even though I'm 18.
I am going to be moving into the next older group once I graduate high school, but he is involved in that too. He is over all the youth.
Another example: He just recently made it clear to all the kids that no one can pick their roommates for youth retreat, despite their moaning and complaining. Then yesterday he texted ME, and asked who I wanted to room with. I'm like the youth pastor's pet or something!
I think if he keeps on with the behavior or it gets more intense I will ask him to stop. It will be hard because he can be intimidating (he's pretty tall and buff and handsome). But since he hasn't done anything seriously "slimy" I don't want to ruin his reputation by going to people in authority. I will wait, just in case it is my imagination, or his actions are out of pure friendliness and innocent affection.
Any woman can easily send signals that say "STOP". You have to learn that. Unless, you like his attention, maybe that is why you have not give him the look that says "STOP".
No need to inform anyone. Do not be receptive and he will get the message. He is trying to get in your pants.
Well ,since you finally shared that he is married, it changes the whole thing.
Let him know that you are not impressed with him or his behavior and tell him to back off and go to the Pastor or Elders. Then I believe it is time for you to move on to the Young adults group.
If he persists in this behavior one of the younger girls will likely be a lot more vulnerable than you are.
Any woman can easily send signals that say "STOP". You have to learn that. Unless, you like his attention, maybe that is why you have not give him the look that says "STOP".
No need to inform anyone. Do not be receptive and he will get the message. He is trying to get in your pants.
That's exactly why she SHOULD tell someone. Because he is going to end up "getting into the pants" (as you so eloquently phrase it) of some 15-year-old girl and doing psychological damage to her, maybe even cause her to lose her faith.
You got to be careful especially if the man has an anointing of Jesus Christ on his life , as the love of God is agape which is a selfless charity love which people can be sweet but may never ask for a date .... Then there can be if the Pastor has a calling of Christ which he preaches or and has power of Jesus Holy Spirit , the devil can try to connect people together to corrupt people or bring confusions and attractions which will not last , best to wait for them to ask or let it go...... See there are many sister and brothers is Christ and that is as far as many go in the relationships
Unfortunately, we don't know his side of the story. Not saying the OP is being untruthful! But there are always two sides of the story. That's why we need to be careful what we advise her to do. Waiting a couple weeks and completely avoiding all contact with him is best when it comes to testing to see if he seeks her out. Then talking with him would be the next step if he does. And telling another adult, maybe not the parents, but someone accountable who doesn't blab their mouth, someone who can be an extra set of eyes and to be a witness if he doesn't stop. Then taking it to the higher-ups would be in order. I only say this because he hasn't touched her, other than her hair. If he does cross the line then she should not hesitate and should report it immediately. If he makes her feel uncomfortable then she should skip the avoiding part and talk to him right away and tell an accountable adult to help keep a QUIET set of eyes on the situation. The OP mentioned he has only shown this sort of attention to her. Keeping it low key for a couple weeks would not harm another teen unless this behavior extends to another girl. Being wise in this situation is going to be the best solution.
I might go ahead and address the "fair" occurrence with him. I'd tell him, "When we were at the fair some of my friends noticed what you did" (remind him about what happened) "and they gave me the 'eye' like you have other intentions and/or feelings towards me. I think it would be best that you try and be more cautious in the future about how you act in order to keep others from being suspicious and possibly reporting you. Or worse, gossiping about it until the story gets so misconstrued that an adult hears the wrong version and takes you to the pastors office. I like having you as my youth pastor and I would not like to see your reputation ruined over something like this."
Then keep a close eye on his behavior. Towards you, others girls, etc. REPORT IT IMMEDIATELY if he doesn't stop.
You didn't think to mention that detail in your first post? Really? You put in all the details about things like him "tenderly" brushing your hair from your face and that he looks into your eyes ...... but not the fact that he's married..... and has a kid.
Question: "Help! I'm freaking out because I think my youth minister is coming on to me and he's married. What should I do?"
Answer: Next time this "tall, buff, handsome" being "tenderly" reaches out to brush a wisp of hair from your face.... ask him how his wife is.
Makes you wonder, what other details have been overlooked. Perhaps, infatuation, after all, he has an adorable child.
Save that text. Maybe even make a back up of it if you can. You might need it if things get any more questionable.
Because of the effect this will have on his career and family, I personally wouldn't bring this to the pastor until you are at least to 80% sure he is trying to get romantically involved with you and is not just subconciously flirtatous and potentially in a weak place in his relationship with his wife. Based on your description of events, I'm about 75% sure a romantic or "affair-like" intention is involved. You should tell him to stop first before you talk to the Pastor unless you have suspicions that he might be a predator or might do it to others long after you tell him off and leave. Whatever happens, you are an adult now and these tough situations are apart of the fun of being an adult...yay fun!...
This is starting to read like a high school soap opera. Seriously, my earlier point (#19) is this: One reason cross-gender ministry is difficult is because women (particularly those with a difficult past) tend to get confused when a man shows a sincere personal interest in their emotions and Spirituality. As a result, I've been in and seen numerous situations, where a simple gesture or word has been interpreted in an entirely different context than intended.
For this reason, most pastors avoid cross-gender, one-on-one counseling/ministry altogether, while others learn to keep things in a group setting and 'keep their distance.' But, it often takes time and a difficult circumstance or two for a young pastor to learn that. In this case, for example, this youth pastor, according to the OP, has done or said nothing inappropriate ... except, in her eyes, to "tenderly brush the hair from her face and gaze into her eyes." While he should clearly keep his hands to himself, everything else is simply interpreted (or 'projected'). -- (As one poster noted, in order to even notice an extended tender gaze, one has to be doing some gazing of their own).
My only point in coming back to this is that this youth pastor may have no idea whatsoever that he is in the midst of a potentially explosive situation that could spread like wildfire in the church ... and cost him his career, plus cause real harm to his family. (High school girls will absolutely not keep something like this (either real or imagined, quiet!) THIS IS NOT A GAME! -- The OP either needs to distance herself from this situation entirely ... and/or directly and openly confront him as suggested earlier.
I agree with jg. This is starting to sound like something made-up and I have a feeling we are being played by the OP whoever (s)he is.
Enough advice has been given here and I don't see the OP doing anything except dragging this on and on e.g. well what if this, or oh I forgot to mention this and on and on.
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That's why we need to be careful what we advise her to do. Waiting a couple weeks and completely avoiding all contact with him is best when it comes to testing to see if he seeks her out. Then talking with him would be the next step if he does. And telling another adult, maybe not the parents, but someone accountable who doesn't blab their mouth, someone who can be an extra set of eyes and to be a witness if he doesn't stop. Then taking it to the higher-ups would be in order. I only say this because he hasn't touched her, other than her hair. If he does cross the line then she should not hesitate and should report it immediately. If he makes her feel uncomfortable then she should skip the avoiding part and talk to him right away and tell an accountable adult to help keep a QUIET set of eyes on the situation. The OP mentioned he has only shown this sort of attention to her. Keeping it low key for a couple weeks would not harm another teen unless this behavior extends to another girl. Being wise in this situation is going to be the best solution.
