Does my youth pastor have a crush on me? (believe, abortion, mystic)
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When I graduated from college I taught in a Christian High School for one year. The pastor-principal of the church and school made it clear:if he heard about or saw any teacher being intimate with a student in a manner like you've described, or if a student complained about actions that made him/her uncomfortable;then that teacher would be placed on probation or terminated. It sounds like you sincerely care for him, not romantically, but professionally. If I were you, I'd put distance between yourself and him. If he persists, you'll need to tell someone with the authority to intervene.
Today, as the pastor of a church myself, if our youth pastor behaved as you've described, I'd definitely not only want to know, but have to know. The youth pastor may simply need to be made aware that he's making someone feel uncomfortable. Also, it may nip in the bud a serious threat to the church's ministry.
I wholeheartedly agree!
But what we don't know is how this girl feels towards the youth pastor. Does she have a crush on him? If she does, it is very possible she is intrepreting his signs the way she WANTS to. But you are right. There should be no question of improper signals. This needs to be nipped in the bud.
Ok SO. I feel really weird asking this question. I can't ask anyone I know personally because, well, it would be too awkward.
My youth pastor is really nice, very kind and funny. He's in his late 20's. I a 18. I respect him and how hard he works, his passion. We have been getting close, discussing things in the Bible, and talking about ideas for the youth group, talking about life in general. (I am a girl btw) I am in MIT (ministers in training), which he picks young people that he thinks will one day be leaders to train them for ministry. But all of a sudden, he has been doing random things like tugging on my hair from behind when I am not looking, then pretending it wasn't him. I always see him looking at me when he think's I am not looking. Sometimes when I walk by he will stare at me while smiling. When he is talking or teaching us, sometimes he will say something funny and I laugh out loud or smile, and he looks into my eyes and smiles, he practically beams. Recently we were walking at the state fair as a youth group, and we were walking kind of next to each other. I turned towards him to make a statement and he subconsciously reached his hand out and tenderly brushed back my hair from my face. He did it in such a way that all my friends who were walking near us noticed and gave curious looks.
He would never do anything bad, never cross that line. He never even so much as gave me a hug or touched me (other than my hair or my hand when praying for me) So I am not worried about that type of thing. I am just really confused and don't know what to do. Is it possible I am imagining this? Should I be careful? What should I do?
Don't be naive. You know this man has the hots for you. Perhaps you have low self esteem and need confirmation from others.
IN any event you are 18 and this man seems much older than you. I suggest you never allow him to cross the line and date someone your own age.
It would be highly inappropriate for such a relationship to happen. If I were a parent in that church and the youth pastor had a relationship with a kid -- my kid or not -- I would be pretty upset. Even if it were completely on the up and up......it would still cause a lot of questions. Such a thing like this could be hugely damaging to both parties, and to the church.
Having said that, 10 years is not an unreasonable age difference between a couple. There is nothing wrong with that...except that the girl is 18. In my opinion, I would not want my 18 year old daughter getting involved with a 28 year old guy. If she was 23 and he was 33, that might be different.
Ok SO. I feel really weird asking this question. I can't ask anyone I know personally because, well, it would be too awkward.
My youth pastor is really nice, very kind and funny. He's in his late 20's. I a 18. I respect him and how hard he works, his passion. We have been getting close, discussing things in the Bible, and talking about ideas for the youth group, talking about life in general. (I am a girl btw) I am in MIT (ministers in training), which he picks young people that he thinks will one day be leaders to train them for ministry. But all of a sudden, he has been doing random things like tugging on my hair from behind when I am not looking, then pretending it wasn't him. I always see him looking at me when he think's I am not looking. Sometimes when I walk by he will stare at me while smiling. When he is talking or teaching us, sometimes he will say something funny and I laugh out loud or smile, and he looks into my eyes and smiles, he practically beams. Recently we were walking at the state fair as a youth group, and we were walking kind of next to each other. I turned towards him to make a statement and he subconsciously reached his hand out and tenderly brushed back my hair from my face. He did it in such a way that all my friends who were walking near us noticed and gave curious looks.
He would never do anything bad, never cross that line. He never even so much as gave me a hug or touched me (other than my hair or my hand when praying for me) So I am not worried about that type of thing. I am just really confused and don't know what to do. Is it possible I am imagining this? Should I be careful? What should I do?
Maybe he smiles and beams at everyone. Is that possible?
Honestly, by not speaking to somebody may do more harm by not having this guy understand what impressions he is giving others " He did it in such a way that all my friends who were walking near us noticed and gave curious looks."
As God said regarding the qualifications of ministers:
He must also have a good reputation with outsiders, so that hewill not fall into disgrace and into the devil’s trap. 1 Timothy 3:7
Honestly, by not speaking to somebody may do more harm by not having this guy understand what impressions he is giving others " He did it in such a way that all my friends who were walking near us noticed and gave curious looks."
As God said regarding the qualifications of ministers:
He must also have a good reputation with outsiders, so that hewill not fall into disgrace and into the devil’s trap. 1 Timothy 3:7
Cross-gender ministry is tough at any age and expressions of care and concern can easily be misinterpreted. In this case, I would guess that the youth pastor is somewhat inexperienced and wants to appear friendly and open to all -- and not 10+ years older than his youth group. Although you are a woman and aware of your own sensuality, he may not yet, have seen you in that light, while dealing with the overall dynamics of a group of kids
You would be doing him a huge favor if you did two things: (1) Tell him that you know he doesn't mean anything by it, but, that some of his actions have made you a little uncomfortable. My guess is that he will immediately apologize and stop. (2) Clarify in your own mind that you are not projecting any romantic feelings of your own ... or deriving a sense of desirability by constructing a situation in your mind where this 28-year old is romantically interested in you.
I'm not suggesting that you should ignore your instincts, but, you need to realize that if you are wrong, you could do significant damage to his career and family by starting rumors (eg; talking to friends about the 'possibility' that the youth pastor is 'coming on to you'), without at least first taking the above actions.
Cross-gender ministry is tough at any age and expressions of care and concern can easily be misinterpreted. In this case, I would guess that the youth pastor is somewhat inexperienced and wants to appear friendly and open to all -- and not 10+ years older than his youth group.
You would be doing him a huge favor if you did two things: (1) Tell him that you know he doesn't mean anything by it, but, that some of his actions have made you a little uncomfortable. My guess is that he will immediately apologize and stop. (2) Clarify in your own mind that you are not projecting any romantic feelings of your own ... or deriving a sense of desirability by constructing a situation in your mind where this 28-year old is romantically interested in you.
I'm not suggesting that you should ignore your instincts, but, you need to realize that if you are wrong, you could do significant damage to his career and family by starting rumors (eg; talking to friends about the 'possibility' that the youth pastor is 'coming on to you'), without at least first taking the above actions.
I actually thinks OP likes the attention. In fact, OP would probably welcome more attention to confirm he likes her. The minister does not pay her a lot of attention, that is why she is not sure.
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