Atheism Subforum has a joke thread... Why not here?
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Jesus was Italian: He had wine with His meals. He used olive oil. He talked with His hands.
Jesus was Black: He liked Gospel. He called everyone brother. He couldn't get a fair trial.
Jesus was Jewish: He lived at home until he was 33 years old. He went into His father's business. He was sure His mother was a virgin and His mother was sure He was God.
Jesus was Irish: He was always telling stories. He loved green pastures. He never got married.
Jesus was a Californian: He walked around bare footed. He never cut His hair. He started a new religion.
Jesus was a woman: He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of guys who just didn't get it. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food. Even after He died, He had to get up because there was work to do.
Two nuns are driving along on a stormy night when they are pulled over by a vampire. One nun says to the other "show him your cross" The other yells out the window " get out of our $%^%ing way you git!".
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me ...."
He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!"
The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."
The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord...?" Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done...."
They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.
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