I'm curious

[Miss Shawn_2828]

Well, for me it began in my teens. I began to feel this pulling and tugging at my heart, but really didn't know what it was. I didn't have parents or friends around me at the time who told me about God, so I didn't have a clue to who He was. When I would hear someone talk about God, I taught He was a fictional character for all I knew.

As, I got older the feeling got stronger, but I ignored it and just did my own thing. I didn't have a desire to read the bible because I didn't really know what the bible was or who the bible was talking about. Then things keep getting stronger and I would say to people, I don't know what is wrong with me, but I keep feeling this feeling like something is calling me. I would become restless all the time, because I couldn't shake the feeling.

The more I would ignore it, the stronger it got. I didn't know it, but God was calling me and wanting me to come to Him. But I didn't relize it. So, through out my college years, I met some friends who were in church but never pushed me. Still over the years I would say, ok God if this is you, then I need to understand what is going on. Then God just began to show me things in my dreams and sent people to me to help me understand what was going on in my life.

Then I started reading the bible and my eyes was opened all of a sudden. I was like, now I understand what is going on in my life. God is calling me. So, when I felt that urge again, I just went to God and the restlessness stopped. I finally went to the person that was calling me all along and then understoood what I was feeling. So, I actually began to experience God before I even knew what a bible was, and before people told me who God was. I just needed some guidance iin understanding.

AFter I came to God, I then started going to church and have been loving it. God called me during my teens, but I didn't understand what was going on. As, I got older I learned who God was by experiencing Him, and when I read the bible, I knew who God was, but had a better understanding of the person that I was experiencing.

I will say this when I felt the tugging and pulling of my heart, even though I didn't understand what it was, it was so strong that I would feel this emptyness in my heart. I didn't know why. I tried to feel my emtyness with mateial things and others. I would feel so empty that I would just cry sometimes because I didn't understand. Then when I went to God, all of that went away and I have been with God every sence.

[Verna Perry]

Thank you for opening up your heart and sharing it with us...Love you......you seem like a very gentle soul...very refreshing...God bless you.

[SPOKENFOR]

These all are powerful testimonies..Thank you all for sharing..We never know who is reading this and will see the love of God...

[Miss Shawn_2828]

Originally Posted by Verna Perry

Thank you for opening up your heart and sharing it with us...Love you......you seem like a very gentle soul...very refreshing...God bless you.

Your welcome. I left out some major things that God brought me through because I didn't have time,but I can share a little because I feel that it will be ok to share.

Well, while I was in college my brother passed and I was left devastated. I mean literally. My brother was like a father to me, because my earthly father wasn't really in my life. My brother passed the day before my classes started. I was left depressed, and felt like I couldn't go on. I struggled to go to class, I didn't want to speak to anyone, I just wanted to die with my brother. He was my brother, my father, and the person that I leaned the most on. But God wanted me to learn to lean on Him more than anyone.

So, I would go to my school psychologist and would talk to him and I was on anti-depressants. The funny thing was my major of psychology. Nothing was working. And on top of that I would having dreams of my brother, which made it worse. This was my last semester in school and I didn't think that I was going to graduate.

Now, at the same time their was a custody battle between my brother's two daughters. My mom was trying to get the girls and my brothers wife was trying to keep them from us. So, that was really hurting me because I felt like I lost my brother and my two nieces, because she wouldn't let me see them. So, my depression got worse.

My brother's wife was and still is a really mean person. She told me that I was adopted which I didn't know. My mom was never going to tell me. So, now I am in my last semester trying to graduate, my brother has died, I wasn't allowed to see my nieces, then I was told that I was adopted because my real parents gave me up.

So, I was at my lowest in depression. I was so sick that I thought that I just couldn't go on. Then I really learned who God was and that He cared for me. I said to myself the school psychologist can't help me, and the anti-depressants want help me either.

So, I turned to God and almost instantly my depression was gone, I graduated and I could finally smile that my brother was not suffering anymore. I was happy for the first time in a long time. And as for my brother's wife, I said God if it is in your will for me to see my nieces then you will work it out. Then I received a phone call from her apologizing to me for what she did and told me that I could see my nieces any time that I wanted. I was like ok God I understand what you are doing in my life.

And when I would think about my brother, God replaced my hurting heart with love and joy. So, God protected me and surrounded me with His love the moment I said ok God please help me in this situation. Before I was trying to heal myself with my school doctor and with anti-depressants and it wasn't working. I think that if I would have went on that way, I might not be here today. Because satan really tried to kill me, and feeled my mind with suicidal thoughts. I was never a suicidal person, but I hit rock bottom and the thoughts came so strong that I couldn't control them.

satan was really trying to kill me. I even cut my wrist because I was so depressed. But their was something inside of me that wouldn't allow me to cut to deep and I know that it was God. And as soon as I turned to God, all the pain and hurt went away. I was so amazed at how fast things changed. I mean I am here today smiling, laughing and having the best time of my life because God protected me and wouldn't allow the devil to kill me.

So, that is why I say that I came to God and have been with Him every sence. I know I can't make it without God because, God is the one that protects me daily. I tried to do it on my on and almost died. I understand that God allowed me to try to fix myself, but He wanted me to see that I couldn't do it on my on.

So, I went from being lonely, depressed, the devil trying to kill me, to learning that I was adopted, not seeing my nieces, to feeling joy, laughing in the devils face, accepting that I was adopted to trying to find my real parent.

Even though my brother's x wife did what she did. I still love her and tell her that if she ever needs me then I am here for her. The funny thing is she doesn't have anyone around her that really cares for her. I am the only person that actually wants to help her and try to bring her to Christ.

Now I must say this when my brother died their actually was some speculation that she did something that caused my brother to die. I even think that she did, but she had my brother body cremated, so we really don't know. The only reason we think that was because he was ok when we saw him, and when he died she kept saying I don't want an autopsy.

I use to think about her and thinking what if she killed my brother, but I soon, know this. If she did God will handle her and I don't have anything to worry about. Even though I think this, I am still able to look at her and say, God loves you and I will forgive her even if I find out that she did something. I'm not going to worry about it God will deal with her according to what she has done. I look at her life now and see how things are going in her life and it doesn't look good.

I know that God brought me through this for a reason and I love my Heavenly Father every day for Him not leaving me.

But God brought me through all of that and I am here to say that God is real because if He wasn't I would either be crazy or dead.

I was actually a little skeptical as if I should tell some of the things that I have been through, but I have this feeling that someone might need to read what God can do and how He can feel a hurting heart with love and joy, that use to have nothing but pain and suffering.

I want say anymore, but that is only the tip of the iceburg of what I have been through. God is amazing!!!!!!!!!!!

[little elmer]

Shawn, I can relate to much of the things you've gone through. When your brother passed and left such a devastating hole of your life, it reminds me of what happened to Isaiah. He loved king Ussiah very much, and we remember how his "hole" was filled by the Almighty when Ussiah left him - it was then that he saw the Lord, high and lifted up.

Praise His holy name...

[Verna Perry]

You are a blessing...we are blessed to be a blessing...and these testimonies are very pleasing to God...He's smiling...because we are giving Him All the glory...All the honor...and All the praise...

...Nothing can seperate us from the love of Christ.

[eyewrist]

Excellent IIDM, I hadn't heard that in a long time. Thxs