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Hello All,
I am having some anxiety, depression type thing going on...I am dating this girl, and for some reason keep getting upset, frustrated, depressed etc when talking/thinking about her past relationships. It bothers me mainly because she has been with 6 or so guys sexually before she became a "stronger Christian" and I have remained a virgin. Now I havent been completely pure with women, but have not lost my virginity. For some reason that is bothering me. Now, I have had a porn problem before, and maybe that has had an impact on my feelings. I keep thinking that these guys were not good to her, and she was sexual with them, but me who treats her great does not get any sexual stuff with her(Even though i want to wait) I dont even know if i am making sense...but something is bothering me inside and maybe i cant quite pin point it. Its like i should be happy with keeping my virginity but at the same time am upset about it, and am maybe jealous that she has experienced this with someone else, or maybe just has experienced it at all...does that make sense?
You will probably always be jealous of her past relationships. If you want to marry a virgin, keep looking. They are out there. I commend on your remaining chaste in this sex obsessed world.
Thank you. Do I have the right though to do that though? Arent I wrong for doing that no matter how normal it seems? Thank you very much for contributing to the question.
The feelings you mention in the first sentence, depression, anxiety, frustration, being upset, these feelings do not come from a healthy relationship. Sounds like she has baggage, can you deal with that? Maybe it's time to move on and find someone who you can enjoy being with. Maybe what's bothering you is God trying to tell you what you need to do.
Harsh response. Dump her, but in a loving Christian way. Warn her to NEVER but NEVER discuss her past with any future BF's. If she doesn't believe you, advise her to read "Tess of the D'Ubervilles" by Joseph Conrad. I had the same problem with my first GF. It eventually destroyed the relationship. As a man, you will never be able to accept her past.
Dude you say she has been with six or seven guys "before" she became a stronger christian.
If the before phenomenon is genuine, you can give up on that feeling of mental agony.
Technically, when you were spending porn time, in the eyes of God, that's adultery too. While she was physical, you were virtual.
You can assume that you are doing penance and undoing your own share of adultery, while you forget/forgive hers.
Think about it, she might become your soul mate. If so, you are the Mr.Right God's rewarding her, for her newfound christian strength.
I'm not judging you or her, I'm merely stating a logic which might actually work.
Practically, the world is "devoid" of virgins in the western world. People have begun laughing at them. Shows the amount of adultery that rules the roost. If you believe in God, and God decides that she isn't the one, He will discard her.
Something about relationships and God...I've thought it was God's will for me to marry a girl I was engaged to. She lost her mind. She came over one day and broke the upstairs window in my room, trying to throw herself out the window. She'd run about 8 blocks in the snow to come over and she was in a thin cotton frock and thin cotton socks, no shoes. I visited her every day in the hospital. She and I drifted apart. I'd had dreams that included her before I ever met her. I saw her before she came into my life. It didn't seem my conclusion was wrong at the time; but, it was.
While you have to resist sin that your heart may want very much, I'm not talking about that. One thing I learned was that you need to really agree with your heart's real passion in doing God's will, not inventing it according to what you think He wants. My heart wasn't in love with her, though I cared for her very much. I thought if I just obey the rest will follow. God says, "If you delight in the LORD He will fulfill the desires of your heart." Many people think they've had God's will revealed to them and it isn't true. You'll just have to go through it and learn for yourself. Fail if need be. God will correct and mercifully pardon. I don't mean sin intentionally. It's just that if you're too afraid of marriage failing, that can hinder you from the full life God would give you to enter into.
Last edited by effie g-tad; 06-15-2009 at 01:11 PM..
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