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1. TELL YOUR DAUGHTER TO STOP CLEANING AFTER THEM AND DOING THEIR DISHES. She needs to be concerned with what is hers and hers alone. I am not saying this in a mean way, but they don't respect her so she needs to stop cleaning after them like she is their mother. I had to do the same. I just left my roommates trash by the door where they left it to rot. I only threw away and cleaned up what was mine.
2. Maybe you can lease out the apartment for the summer to another person?
3. She needs to keep the emails to show to the police if they go out of hand. She needs fuss them out. Don't tell her to back down.
4. I hate to say it, but this was a learning experience for her. Next time, she may want to room with trusted friends or by herself. I had to learn the hard way myself. She just needs to keep her door locked and lock after herself when she leaves.
Personally, I would just try to sublet the apartment but I would do it like this... the roommates have only THREE choices, they can either help find a subleaser and sign a contract saying they would cover your daughters rent should the subleaser default on their rent until your daughter's lease is up (that may not stick, but don't tell them that, there could be a no subleasing clause). OR they can have zero input, your daughter becomes responsible for the rent if the subleaser defaults, but then you pick a 40+ year old pervy man with good credit who wants to live with college girls for a few months. OR the roommates can stop acting like snots and lock the freakin' doors until your daughters lease is up.
"Me, I'd rather live in a shoe box by myself rather than share an apartment with four other people that I don't know."
-Judge Judy
In college, I didn't live in the fraternity house, no way. In fact, after my freshman year, I never lived with roommates again either (I paid extra for the single rooms). Sorry, but even as a college student, I had very little patience for anyone who couldn't keep their crap together. It's not rocket science, and if someone hasn't figured it out in the first few weeks of living away from mommy and daddy, then they are slow learners, and should probably be avoided.
I'm sure as a mother, you are concerned from a protective point of view. But look at it the other way: Your daughter needs to figure people out on her own. If you bail her out of a problem, there will be another problem down the road, that she could have probably avoided, had she learned the skills. Her roommates sound like bad choices. Let her deal with it for now, and get new roommates (or hopefully, no roommates) next time around.
If she has to deal with the problem, she will look at people differently from that point forward. I'm not recommending that she become cynical and reclusive, but there are a lot of people out there who can be written off entirely. Let her figure that one out, and she'll be a lot less likely to overlook warning signs next time she makes friends with people. Or decides to get married.
You know, just because your daughter complains about her problems when you talk to her, doesn't mean she's asking for you to solve her problems for her.
Thank you to everyone who responded to me. To clarify, my daughter wasn't asking me to solve the problem just to share other perspectives/ideas with her. Tinawina had several great points. I also liked mommabear2's response. pick a 40+ year old pervy man with good credit who wants to live with college girls for a few months.
For a parent, at least for me, you are a lot more concerned for your college age daughter than your college age son. One year my son & his room mates found homeless men sleeping or drunk in their LIVINGROOM several times (when someone would forget to lock the outside door). With four room mates that were on the college rugby team I was (almost) more concerned for the safety of the homeless men than my son.
I mean no offense when I say this, but if you are her mother, and you allowed her to move out on her own and choose her own roommates to live off, why are you on this forum asking for help? She's a grown woman who obviously is independent enough to make these kinds of living decisions on her own. You shouldn't help her decide what to do. This is the time in her life when mommy shouldn't be there to guide every step of the way. That being said, it's obvious that she shouldn't live with them anymore. Try moving into a dorm or a solo efficiency.
Make sure she keeps her door locked and her valuables in her room. The roommates will never lock the doors until something happens. I had a friend who wouldn't lock the doors until his house got broken into and he lost a lot of valuable stuff.
If the daughter was in the dorms, that would be a different situation entirely. At least she'd have someone else to go to for help. In the dorms, they'd be willing to move her to another dorm room. But, she is closer to being "out in the real world."
Chances are, she has to suck it up. Your daughter has an obligation to her roommates to pay the bills until their lease is up. After that, find other people to room with or move back into the dorms.
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OR the roommates can stop acting like snots and lock the freakin' doors until your daughters lease is up.
College is all about learning...
