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I’m looking for a friendly and kind response to say when people make odd or disparaging remarks about the school that I went to..
This issue has never come up for me, either with siblings or friends/acquaintances. It's not a "normal" thing to do, ya know?
It would depend upon the circumstances. With your brother it sounds like this is a source of an ungoing rivalry, so perhaps best to simply ignore or change the subject.
As others have mentioned, it seems he's a bit insecure. Instead of engaging in a discussion of the obviously fabulous Ivy league schools, talk up his educational/professional success.
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Arktikos
.... It's not a "normal" thing to do, ya know?
... perhaps best to simply ignore or change the subject.
...
A popular response these days is to just shoot your brother, end of discussion.
In our earlier lives, just punching him in the nose would have been an adequate response.
As mentioned by many posters... Let it roll off, he's not changing, or ever accepting the internal burden he is carrying. Sounds like a gold mine for a behavioral counselor. 50 more years of guaranteed revenue. (Maybe for each of you? Double dipping++)
I’m looking for a friendly and kind response to say when people make odd or disparaging remarks about the school that I went to.
For example, I have one sibling, “Pat”. Pat and I are probably equal in intelligence (although Pat might be a bit smarter; I don’t know). We’re both middle-aged adults. Pat has done extremely well; Pat made tens of millions of dollars in business and retired around age 40. I’m still working.
I went to an Ivy League school- one that basically everyone has heard of, and even when I worked abroad, people definitely knew the name. Pat went to a large state university, in a very hard program, even though the school is not well-known.
Whenever Pat sees a mention of another Ivy League school, Pat makes a big deal out of the other ones, saying, for example, that the other school is so amazing, and Pat goes on and about how great the other school is. Pat consistently does this.
I think that Pat is looking to get a rise out of me, but why would I care? I usually say something like, “Yes, that’s a great school.”
I’m not sure what’s driving this. My parents favored Pat and thought that Pat was so amazing and always made it clear that they thought that I was dumb, so it can’t be that. When people ask me where Pat and I went to school, people sometimes comment that Pat must not have done as well, but that’s false; maybe people say similar things to Pat.
Next time Pat starts going on and on about how great other Ivy League schools are, I’m planning to say, “You would easily have gotten admitted into mine, but back then, it didn’t have the programs that you were looking for, so it would have made no sense to go there. But I hope that your children would consider it when they start their college search.”
Would that be a good response: aiming to be affirming and supportive and aiming to show that Pat’s comments don’t bother me?
Thanks.
You're both middle-aged adults. There's no need to be "affirming and supportive" or, in the case of your sibling, deprecating of someone's twenty-plus year old choice of college. Just ignore your sibling and limit your interactions with him as much as possible. A middle-aged tool will likely be a tool for life. No sense in playing games of oneupmanship with people who are like that.
To be honest, it's strikes me as odd that people ask either of you where you went to school on a consistent enough basis that this is an issue. Barring the rah-rah aspect of sports and some commonality when job hunting, most people don't even care enough to ask other than in passing to make small talk.
Are you sure this isn't something you embody? Not the other way around?
So where did you go? Cornell? Dartmouth? Brown?
I didn’t go to Cornell, Dartmouth or Brown. I don’t mention where I went to school unless asked, and when asked, I try to just say the state or metropolitan area where it is located.
I don’t get asked regularly where I went to school- maybe a handful of times per year at most.
I didn’t go to Cornell, Dartmouth or Brown. I don’t mention where I went to school unless asked, and when asked, I try to just say the state or metropolitan area where it is located.
I don’t get asked regularly where I went to school- maybe a handful of times per year at most.
Ok so that said - I can't imagine anyone poopooing any of the other mainstream Ivys. I mentioned those because they are lesser known and many don't realize they're ivy league schools. BTW my sister went to brown so no disrespect meant.
The only person I've ever been around who made a big deal of which college he attended was a young teacher who started a couple or three years before I retired. Also being from Pennsylvania he made sure I knew he went to Pitt (I attended a state university). I would then note he was a commuter student. He also would preface every comment he made in meetings with a variation of, "When I was at Pitt". That was every meeting-staff, Department, system trainings. All of them. It got to the point that when he would go to say something at a staff meeting that half of us would say in unison with him, "When I was at Pitt". You'd think he would have learned but he never did.
My mother used to mention where I went to college (keeping in mind that for the first year she had it in her head I was working there and not going to school) in conversation with others but that was mostly to point out that I was "the dumb one" compared to my brother, who went to Penn State.
I’m looking for a friendly and kind response to say when people make odd or disparaging remarks about the school that I went to.
For example, I have one sibling, “Pat”. Pat and I are probably equal in intelligence (although Pat might be a bit smarter; I don’t know). We’re both middle-aged adults. Pat has done extremely well; Pat made tens of millions of dollars in business and retired around age 40. I’m still working.
I went to an Ivy League school- one that basically everyone has heard of, and even when I worked abroad, people definitely knew the name. Pat went to a large state university, in a very hard program, even though the school is not well-known.
Whenever Pat sees a mention of another Ivy League school, Pat makes a big deal out of the other ones, saying, for example, that the other school is so amazing, and Pat goes on and about how great the other school is. Pat consistently does this.
I think that Pat is looking to get a rise out of me, but why would I care? I usually say something like, “Yes, that’s a great school.”
I’m not sure what’s driving this. My parents favored Pat and thought that Pat was so amazing and always made it clear that they thought that I was dumb, so it can’t be that. When people ask me where Pat and I went to school, people sometimes comment that Pat must not have done as well, but that’s false; maybe people say similar things to Pat.
Next time Pat starts going on and on about how great other Ivy League schools are, I’m planning to say, “You would easily have gotten admitted into mine, but back then, it didn’t have the programs that you were looking for, so it would have made no sense to go there. But I hope that your children would consider it when they start their college search.”
Would that be a good response: aiming to be affirming and supportive and aiming to show that Pat’s comments don’t bother me?
Thanks.
If my brother was a multimillionaire and seemed interested in my schooling, I’d see if they wanted to fund a masters degree or something for me to take at the school they think is great. Nothing ends conversations with wealthy people quicker than requests for money.
I’d also respect their opinions on matters of career and education, given their immense success compared to mine.
Who, besides your brother, makes disparaging remarks about where you went to school?
People in some circles in my hometown. They disparage the perceived political leanings of the school.
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