Divorced by 30: why do so many young marriages come to an early end?
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selfishness.., unmet expectations..., not taking enough time to know the person (during their good times and bad) before proposing and committing to marriage..., bad/poor communications...., rushing into sex and using it the primary anchor of the relationship...relying on "feelings" to gauge the status/direction of the relationship..
the list goes on... Although part of me wonders if this is an issue with marriage, in general, in today's times, and not specific to those who are very young when they marry.
Also, at that very young age, it's difficult to say, without a doubt, that you're going to marry someone and stay married to that one person, forever.At that age, things and people changes as a result of maturity. Marriages that are the result of two very young people staying together rarely last permanently.
Not being shamed or otherwise expected to stick with something that is obviously not working. Having the education, legal and financial resources and protections to leave a bad situation if needed.
Not being shamed or otherwise expected to stick with something that is obviously not working. Having the education, legal and financial resources and protections to leave a bad situation if needed.
Exactly! Why stick around if things aren't as expected? And no kids are involved, so why work it out?
Some people are irresponsible and have bad role models.
Bad decisions lead to bad outcomes.
Nothing new here.
Lot's of men making poor choices in mates.
Making a choice to early which, in my opinion is 28 for males and 25 for females, often leads to misery later on. I look back on my life and who I was at age 21 certainly was NOT who I was at 28. Same with my wife, who she was at 21 was not who she was at 26.
A young couple marry at 22 chances are, no chances there's certainty here, both of them will be different people at 30. Totally different people in outlook, values and expectations. What happens if, after three children, they don't even like each other at 30?
Now some of my wisdom to the younger males. The lady you want for a hot date is not necessarily the lady you want to spend your life with and have children with. Don't date just to date and have the hot times... dating is serious business so treat it as such.
I was at the tail end of a generation when kids never lived together unless they were married.
I knew several friends who married right after high school graduation in 1962, and none of them lasted for more than a couple of years except for one; that pair were both farm kids, and wanted to be farmers. They have been married for over 50 years now happily, with a farm of their own.
It's common to mention immaturity when this topic is discussed, but what is maturity? I think that word can be defined in many ways. Love is an emotion that defies definition.
For the kids I knew who married and divorced young, there were conflicting expectations in them from the beginning. Several of the girls saw marriage as the only way out of their parent's house because there was no higher education in their future. For other girls, it was the way to have children. Their parents married young, and were still young when their kids took flight, leaving the parents with lots of time to enjoy themselves.
Most, though, boys and girls, simply discovered that once the sparkly pink cloud of first love evaporated, they discovered they really didn't like each other and their respective families all that much.
It isn't that the situation is exactly bad; it's more that the struggles of being independent adults is a grind and a heavy routine. Running around with friends doesn't happen as much, money troubles are common, wishes and dreams remain unfulfilled, and the couple simply grows tired of each other's constant presence.
A marriage certificate is only a piece of paper, but it weighs as much as a piece of steel in the mind. It's a very real and deep commitment that can bond a couple together for the rest of their lives, or crush them from it's psychological weight just as readily. Living together is not the same. There is always an underlying feeling of being able to leave with no damage if things grow too rough.
The only thing that's really changed over the years is divorce. When divorce was difficult, unhappy couples continued to stay married until they were old enough to just forget all their former unhappiness. Now that divorce is much easier, most folks still are monogamous- they are just serially monogamous, moving from one committed relationship to the next.
I think that marriage has time limits built into it. The notion of forever after does not always apply, but if a couple has similar expectations for life, and have similar expectations of living long together, they do. If they think it's not working after a few years, and it is not working, the marriage will fall apart.
Not being shamed or otherwise expected to stick with something that is obviously not working. Having the education, legal and financial resources and protections to leave a bad situation if needed.
After I posted on this I was piddling around at home and had that show "Who the "bleep" did I marry" on in the background. And man the things those women put up with!
And they all said - I took my vows seriously - yada, yada, yada. so I couldn't leave. That way of thinking has got to go!
Mine were just a feeling of it just wasn't there any more. First one, we almost got back together and then I thought to myself, why? We were more friends than anything else. I don't believe in that marrying "my best friend" business. Second one changed too much for me and eh - not going to stick around.
This one - no marriage, but been together almost 20 years! Third time for both of us.
Last edited by Clemencia53; 12-20-2014 at 06:20 PM..
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