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Because that is the reality. The groom may go along with it, but it's the bride who wants and in many cases "conditioned" since being a young girl to have the big wedding.
Yes, both adults....LOL. People become very childish(and that includes the parents) when it comes to weddings.
People get ridiculous these days over weddings. Middle class people who think they need to have a wedding that costs more than their yearly salary.
They also now have "destination" weddings and even "destination" bachelorette parties.
I know of a wedding where the bride and groom had a big over the top wedding, they have been living together for 5 years. Couldn't just have a small ceremony with immediate family and close friends.
The trend now is create a wedding website, they go online and want guests contribute to various funds, the "honeymoon fund", the "want to buy a house fund", this is the age of entiltement.
Oh come now! I have never heard of a wedding referred to as "his day," and only rarely as "their day." Yes, guys may be interested in having a wedding, but very few guys are looking for a fairytale wedding. The fact that they go along is usually an acquiescence to the desires of the bride-to-be. Acquiescing to one another needs is not necessarily a bad thing, its part of what relationships are about, but to suggest guys (in significant numbers) are just as interested in them as women is simply not true.
I'll grant you that probably few grooms are interested in the minutia of wedding planning. My SIL was consulted about EVERY choice, but was only really interested in things like the venue, music, food and brands of liquor for the open bar. He left the choices of things like flowers and invitations up to my daughter. But, he was just as much on board with having a wedding and reception to celebrate their wedding as she was.
We had money saved for when both our girls got engaged and gave it to them when that happened. One couple decided to use the funds for down payment on a house. The other chose to spend it on their wedding. We didn't care which they chose. The money was given as a no strings attached gift.
Because that is the reality. The groom may go along with it, but it's the bride who wants and in many cases "conditioned" since being a young girl to have the big wedding.
Yes, both adults....LOL. People become very childish(and that includes the parents) when it comes to weddings.
People get ridiculous these days over weddings. Middle class people who think they need to have a wedding that costs more than their yearly salary.
They also now have "destination" weddings and even "destination" bachelorette parties.
I know of a wedding where the bride and groom had a big over the top wedding, they have been living together for 5 years. Couldn't just have a small ceremony with immediate family and close friends.
The trend now is create a wedding website, they go online and want guests contribute to various funds, the "honeymoon fund", the "want to buy a house fund", this is the age of entiltement.
Their money, their choice. It's not up to anyone else to care how they choose to spend it.
You seem to believe that it's only women who care about having a wedding. Nope. It is, for the most part, a decision made jointly by both the bride and the groom. At least it is when they are both adults with the ability to make decisions together and to compromise where needed. I don't know one groom who was opposed to having a wedding. In fact, every groom I know was just as clear on the importance they placed on having a wedding, on the cost they (as a couple) would incur and participated in planning the wedding. YMMV.
I would have 150% eloped if my husband wasn't so dead set on having a wedding. It was required with him that we have a wedding. It ended up being a really terrible day for me. I mean, I am glad we are married. But wedding and the details were all about him.
The groom goes along with it because he's pretty sure the bride won't stay the bride for long if he doesn't. Women are told they "deserve" their day and any man who won't go along with it isn't worth having. There will always be exceptions, my own wife among them, but that's pretty much the standard. Very few guys actually WANT to spend $30,000-$50,000 on a one day party...doing so is actually one of the most irresponsible decisions a new couple can make, but these men feel that they have to, so they do. I told my wife if I ever saved up tens of thousands of dollars to spend on a party, I'd spend it on something more tangible, or just save/invest it. Thankfully she agreed with my sentiment.
To the person who repped me just so they could call me a misogynist, how is pointing out the obvious truth that big fat expensive weddings are for the bride and not the groom a misogynist statement? Are you telling me it is the groom who would rather spend tens of thousands of dollars on a party instead of an extra car or a down payment on a house? Please explain your reasoning.
Edited to bold the portions which show that I do understand we are not dealing in absolutes here.
Last edited by Fifty Seven; 07-17-2017 at 11:23 AM..
I would have 150% eloped if my husband wasn't so dead set on having a wedding. It was required with him that we have a wedding. It ended up being a really terrible day for me. I mean, I am glad we are married. But wedding and the details were all about him.
Wait.... are you saying you're a woman who preferred to not have a wedding, but did it because it was important to your finance?!? You are a unicorn according to some. A mythical creature that can't possibly exist.
Wait.... are you saying you're a woman who preferred to not have a wedding, but did it because it was important to your finance?!? You are a unicorn according to some. A mythical creature that can't possibly exist.
I'm confused...I do exist. And I considered going through the whole deal as my wedding gift to my husband. It was still pretty low key and we pretty much made all the decisions together and didn't spend too much. It did add up a lot faster then I wanted it to and we skipped a lot of the traditional non-sense.
I'm confused...I do exist. And I considered going through the whole deal as my wedding gift to my husband. It was still pretty low key and we pretty much made all the decisions together and didn't spend too much. It did add up a lot faster then I wanted it to and we skipped a lot of the traditional non-sense.
I know you exist, but other posters keep insisting that a wedding is ONLY for the bride and no man cares if he has a wedding or not. They also believe if a bride doesn't get the big, fancy, expensive wedding of her dreams (subtext being that this is what EVERY woman wants) she'll kick the poor groom to the curb. Your existence is bewildering to them and makes you as rare as a unicorn.
People can't win anymore. This girl decided she wanted a $30,000 wedding. She (from the context) didnt run up credit cards, she didnt set up crowdfunding, and she make "him" pay for it. She decided what she wanted and worked overtime scrimping and saving to get it. Why is that so bad? If she woke up one day and said "I want to light $30,000 on fire" and worked her butt off to make that money who are we to begrudge what she did with it.
Damned if you do. Damned if you don't
Seriously Would I spend that on a wedding? Nope. But do I care that she worked for it and did? Nope. Would that money have gone a lot further donated? Yep. But that wasn't what it was for. She took a crappy situation and made the best of it.
I think it's dumb to buy a new car, I think people buy houses bigger than they need, people don't need a coffee from Starbucks every morning, etc. But in the end, it's their money. Everybody in this thread has probably "splurged" on something they didn't "need" versus donating to a charity or saving it.She did a nice thing, let it be nice..
Seriously Would I spend that on a wedding? Nope. But do I care that she worked for it and did? Nope. Would that money have gone a lot further donated? Yep. But that wasn't what it was for. She took a crappy situation and made the best of it.
I think it's dumb to buy a new car, I think people buy houses bigger than they need, people don't need a coffee from Starbucks every morning, etc. But in the end, it's their money.Everybody in this thread has probably "splurged" on something they didn't "need" versus donating to a charity or saving it.She did a nice thing, let it be nice..
Exactly. I'm sure we all could come up with things people spend on that we consider a waste of money. And yes, she did do a nice thing. Sad that she's being vilified for doing it.
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