Marriage: Parents Can't Seem To Get Rid of Their Millennials

[Mikala43]

Originally Posted by Serious Conversation

It is difficult to not take out loans for college. I started in college in 2004. It was around $5,000 per year for tuition. That will have doubled by this fall.

Unless someone has substantial scholarships, the "pay as you go" method isn't viable in many cases.



I don't know any Millennial who expects to walk into the C suite right after college. With that said, people expect openings at the bottom. That's where a lot of the trouble has been. People don't go to college to sling coffee at Dunkin

I graduated from business school and was a finance guy. I didn't expect to go to Wall Street, but figured a corporate finance job locally may be reasonable. This was in 2010. Not only could I not find an entry level corporate finance job, I couldn't even find a bank teller position. This was with an in-field internship and being pretty well connected in the community.

Since then, I've worked for two major local employers. There is almost no turnover in their finance staff. I have a cousin, who passed all four parts of the CPA exam here in Tennessee and has a BS in accounting, that cannot get a job under a practicing CPA to get the hours needed to actually get the license. That's common in this area.

I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but admittedly, you are listed as living in "small town TN". Sometimes you have to move. I'm really NOT sure what the problem is, and I would guess it is a combo of attitude and the economy.

[Serious Conversation]

Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla

Perhaps it's just very difficult to find a marriage partner these days. Add to that, people move around and travel so much that it can be hard to get to know someone.

Exactly. I've lived in six different states since 2010, though two of those (TN/VA) were right across the border and SC was only about two hours away from here.

I make about twice the median salary for a man in my metro. With a median age of 45, this town is full of middle aged people and older, and is somewhat of a retirement community these days. I'm 31 with no children. I'm not a model but not ugly either. There are almost no dating prospects for me here. I'd prefer a woman with no children, or at least grown children. Good luck finding a woman in her mid 20s - mid 30s here who is single with no children and has a professional job (think $40k+). It's almost impossible to find.

In small towns and rural areas, it can be hard to commit to the area because of employment concerns. My employer may be going through a merger. We'd be the party being bought. If I lose my job here, it's unlikely I could make even two thirds of what I currently do locally. When you're living in a town that's basically a one horse show for your field, it's tough to justify getting married, buying property, etc.

I moved back in with my parents after running into job difficulties in my last state and finding a new job back here. Given the local dating pool, it doesn't look like I'm going to be finding anyone decent anytime soon. The merger situation and bad local economy make me nervous to even sign a lease until the immediate situation is sorted out. Personally, I don't want to commit to this area, am not really dating, and probably won't stay here for too many more years, so it's working out fine for me. I've bought new major kitchen appliances and paid for a laundry room remodel, so it's not like I'm riding for free either.

Originally Posted by jgn2013

White, black and Latino American kids' performance is based heavily on the situation they come from. Poor white millenials in Appalachia or middle America have many of the same issues that blacks and Latinos have. Whites that come from privileged backgrounds do well, but that's because they're already starting with an advantage. They don't fare much better if they start from the bottom like many blacks/Latinos do.

And this is something a lot of folks don't understand.

I grew up what I would call comfortably lower middle class in Appalachia. My high school had a wide socioeconomic mix actually - many of the parents worked middle to upper middle class jobs at some the big local manufacturers, but there were plenty of freeloaders and trailer trash too.

By high school, you could fairly well predict who was going where in life. Many of the "high achieving" students left the area altogether, and most of those remaining who did well professionally are almost exclusively in medical, health care, or the one F500. Roughly 10% of the class is dead, largely from drug issues, and many of the rest are floating on the margins of the economy.

[crd08]

I don't want to get married or have kids right now. I won't apologize for being responsible and not doing something before I am ready emotionally and financially

[Mikala43]

Originally Posted by crd08

I don't want to get married or have kids right now. I won't apologize for being responsible and not doing something before I am ready emotionally and financially

Nor should you!!

[Mathguy]

Originally Posted by Mikala43

I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but admittedly, you are listed as living in "small town TN". Sometimes you have to move. I'm really NOT sure what the problem is, and I would guess it is a combo of attitude and the economy.

Good post.

There are jobs out there, just some people want (or have) to live in a specific area and that can really limit them.

[Ultrarunner]

Originally Posted by headingtoDenver

High Starting salary? Nursing starts out in the mid 30s which is hardly high. Even computer science (which is extremely broad) doesn't start out that high (usually in the low/mid 40s). Yes, money can be made with many years of experience, but definitely not when first starting out.


I'm not sure where people get the idea that graduates, even in STEM fields, find jobs that pay really high when fresh out of college.

Nursing is highly dependent on location...

New Grad RN 8 years ago were starting at 100k at SF General plus benefits.

Surgery Centers start new Grad RN's in the mid 40 per hour... so maybe 90k

It also depends on the definition of good starting pay?

The SF Bay Area is not known for low Real Estate prices... I have posted before about college sweethearts.. both the first in their families to with University degrees... she is a RN and her family is from the Philippines and he is African American and a Police officer...

These 20 somethings had no problem buying a 3 bedroom 2 bath in San Leandro CA...

Again... no family money to help...

[Gerania]

Originally Posted by yellowsnow

By the time the economy(for the workers) went seemingly permanently into the toilet the Boomers already had good jobs and concentrated on surviving. The parents of the Boomers were the luckiest of them all. All they had to do was be willing to work and show up every day and they were golden for life. This is ancient his...

My father lost his career job in the 1970s when he had a heart attack. Two massive heart attacks. He was 9 months away from his pension. The lawyer got him 30% until he could pick up disability.

[SOON2BNSURPRISE]

Originally Posted by eevee

No ambition??

I'm 33yo and every millennial I know over the age of 25 busts their asses on a near daily basis. They're holding down full time jobs, part time jobs, and "side hustles". If they're living at home it's because rental costs in the majority of cities have outpaced wages, or because the added load of student loans have messed with people's credit scores so they can't get their own place, or because they are being financially smart and trying to save up money. There are a variety of reasons people don't move out of their parents' home and "laziness", in my experience, is more often at the bottom of that list.

Enough of this tired trope that millennials are lazy because they got trophies. I didn't get trophies or awards for just showing up. This is a BS idea that maybe applies to wealthy suburban kids whose parents filled up their schedules with soccer games, music camps, karate, and ballet classes, but it doesn't apply to a whole swath of people born within a specific range of years. Let's just end that incorrect rhetoric right there and try to come up with a less used cliche.

As for marriages, why would anyone my age married? We've seen the rising divorce rates, many have been personally affected by it. Women as just as likely, if not more likely, to be college educated and earn as much or more than their partners so they don't need to rely on the income of a breadwinner husband. Despite what you may see on reality TV shows and gossip rags, many millennials are over the big, overly expensive weddings in much the same way we're over McMasions and massive SUVs. Lots of women and girls have the increase confidence to be "independent women" and have learned that they don't need to be tied down in a relationship (especially a bad relationship) to be happy. Many of us are just trying to build up our brand or career and aren't ready to settle into the cliche of a married, suburban lifestyle.

Personally, outside of tax and legal reasons (especially if children are involved), I don't see much of benefit to marriage. Marriage doesn't equal commitment; lots of people who get married divorce within weeks/months/years and many couple who don't get officially married stay together for decades. Stop placing marriage on this hallowed pedestal, stop making it this requirement to advance to the next level of adulthood that must be passed in order to find true happiness, success, and enlightenment.

Good for me as a parent. The more kids stay at home the more I can make from them to pay into the household budget. When I was 18 back in the 80's the rule in our home was $100 a month rent unless we were in school and working on a degree, needed to take a full load or pay rent. We have the same rule with our kids adjusted for inflation. $500 a month plus help out with the electric bill, water bill, cable bill, or gas bill. And help out around the house. Two of our kids did not take us up on the offer and moved out. Our 19 year old is still with us and although he does go to school full time he pays the electric bill and one third of the cell phone bill.

Numbers of divorces although high, never reached the amount that is often thrown out there. Some say half of all marriages end in divorce. That never ever happened. Back in the 1980's it was predicted that half of all marriages would end up in divorce. Predictions were way off. In 1980 Divorce rate hit just under 40% and went into a decline. It hovers around the 32% depending on what study you look at. Realize I am not talking what might happen but what has happened. Many toss out a number that might happen and people seem to think that is what will happen. That has never been the case. Look at the people that you know and ask yourself, did 50% of them get divorced?

When it comes to second and third marriages though, those do end in divorce at a faster rate. A third marriage has a 72% chance of ending in Divorce. I think that these people are showing a lack of ability to work things out or forgot the "For better or worse" aspect of marriage. It is not ever going to be "Happily ever after".

[katharsis]

To those people who have a healthy mind and body, yet make excuses for not supporting themselves:

I am a Boomer, and I willingly admit that we had it much better in many ways than the generations who were born later. However, that being said, I paid for ALL my own college expenses, started at entry level jobs, and worked my way up -- and ditto for my husband.

I think "getting ahead" (if there are no mitigating factors such as bad health) almost always comes down to personal drive and ambition, having a good work ethic, and making good decisions (i.e., not having kids or buying any unnecessary luxuries until you can afford them without going into debt).

[Jo48]

My Millennial (1984) daughter is better off than her Gen X Sister. She went to SUNY and has an Elementary Education Degree. My Boomer husband (degree/decades of experience) was laid off 3 times in the 90's with IT Offshoring and had to move out of state to find a job. I worked and rented in NY to quality for daughter's In-State College Tuition. Both my Millennial and Gen X Daughters lived with me. Gen X Daughter gave me a small amount that she could from her paycheck.

When she graduated college, I moved down to Florida to be with my husband. Daughter went to live with her Aunt. We gave SIL some money for daughter's Room and Board. While she did get a teaching job soon after graduation, it did not start until the new school year in September. It took her a good six months (paid her Aunt to live there) to find a place she could afford at her NYC Teacher's Starting Salary of $38,000. She lived in Queens and taught in the South Bronx. Rode the subways.

She met her future Millennial husband online. He was going to a different SUNY school. He graduated with a BS in Science, now has his MS, and teaches HS Earth Science. They have been married 8 years now and have two children; 1 and 3. Her husband also teaches Night School 3 nights a week for extra money. My daughter quit to stay home with their young children, but Tutors on Weekends, Grades Papers and Teaches Summer School when her husband is off in Summer. Day Care is VERY expensive. As Grandma, I must say that their home life is very chaotic, but you do what you have to do. Their life is not an Office 9 to 5 world.

My older Gen X Daughter? That would take up PAGES of a post. lol Far more problems. Bottom line is that you cannot generalize that ALL members of a Generation are lazy and no good. We are all individuals.