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Or maybe they see the disadvantages of being married.
(This is coming from a person that has been married for 35 years...)
Perhaps it's just very difficult to find a marriage partner these days. Add to that, people move around and travel so much that it can be hard to get to know someone.
IMO, it is because more and more young people don't see the advantage in being married. (NOT the case 50 years ago!)
Personally, I think that's sad.
I don't see why people are looking for "advantages." I wanna get married because I love that person and want to seal that bond (also, at some point, the term "boyfriend" doesn't go well with age) not because of some advantages. People who are looking for "advantages" are better of not getting married. They'd be doing it for the wrong reason.
I know people who marry and "settle" and still do all that stuff like traveling the world, living in different places, but they just do it as a pair. I know one couple that are DJs and go all over the world playing at clubs. Setting down is only boring if someone makes it that way.
Another problem is that jobs are largely grouping in a handful of major metros. Years ago you could get a job at a factory in some affordable small town and work/live there forever. Now in some fields like tech you have no choice but to live in places like SF with extremely high costs of living.
My cousin is the same way with his wife. They've been married for over 10 years and travel the world. Although they do not have kids. Though even if they did, they could still afford to travel, my cousin makes 1,000 an hour. They live modestly, too.
I live in Brooklyn now and have lived in several other cities and states and, for me at least, the major issue is that the hook-up culture is so prevalent and I'm personally not into it. The hook-up culture can explain part of the reason people aren't getting married (because let's be real, there are still young people getting married because of the stigma of having out-of-wedlock sex). There are tons of young professionals, but, the flip side of that is there are a lot of young professional who put career success over relationship success, including marriage. Most of the young people I'm surrounded by have a long list of things they want to do before settling down (OT: ever noticed the negative connotation of the word "settle"? Like settling down is what you do when there are no other options left? I think it's telling that that phrase is synonymous with marriage). They want to start businesses, become successful artists, travel, live in different cities/states/countries, try different careers, continue having fun (nothing wrong with fun) etc.
And yeah, it kills me when baby boomers and their ilk continue to berate millennials without acknowledging the horrific economy many of us grew into and are still dealing with. No matter how often you tell them that times are different and you can't work your way through college and pay for it out of pocket, that you can't buy a house with the wages from your first post-college job, that you can't afford to rent an apartment, pay expenses, and save for retirement on stagnant wages, that you can't afford to start a family in this day and age right out of college in most cities/large towns, they just continue to call us lazy and entitled. They need to stop reminiscing back to the days where people had long-lasting careers, got married, bought houses, and had babies all before turning 25yo.
Wow, you are the VERY typical image of a millennial! Baby Boomers and their ilk are not entitled takers like so many of your generation. It disgusts me that instead of looking UP to those who do well, make good choices, or have more, you hate them. You don't want to take a long, hard look in the mirror and hold yourselves accountable. It's just easier to hate those who are older and do well.
I hate to break it to you, but the youngest Boomers are still not quite 53. We came in to adulthood during a bad time in the economy, too. The difference is, instead of moaning and boomeranging back to mommy and daddy, we figured it out! We also have another 15 working years ahead, if we choose!
My husband and I left home at 17 & 18 with the clothes on our backs and my ancient car. We MADE a great life together with good decisions and hard work. Try it sometime...instead of hating on those who propel themselves upward.
I live in one of the most expensive parts of the country (but with a booming economy and a huge number of jobs), so I know many people in their 20s and 30s who live at home to support their parents, pay down student loans, and save for a downpayment for a house. None are slackers - all work full time professional jobs and often have side gigs or part time jobs on top of it. It's easy to say that people don't want to "put up with" roommates but when you're paying up to $1000 a month for just a room, it can be hard to get ahead. Rent is increasing far more than salaries. Why not pay rent to a parent to help pay down their mortgage faster instead of paying a landlord?
Three specific cases I can think of:
- a coworker is 27 and both he and his older brother are expected to stay at home until they get married. His brother was just able to put 30% down on a house in a nice neighborhood in preparation for his upcoming marriage. Would he have been able to do that if he had lived with roommates for the past decade since graduating from college? Nope! My coworker plans on getting married in the next few years and will be similarly well prepared. And his parents had their mortgage paid off 5 years early thanks to the rent paid by their sons.
- A good friend of mine spent a few years teaching English abroad, but got a good job local to her parents and returned to the states. She lived for a year or two with roommates, but her parents were horrified about how little she was able to save and how far she had to commute, so they had her move in with them. She has gotten some huge promotions and raises since, and just bought a condo that cost at least $600,000 (sounds extravagant, but that's just a basic 2 bed/1 bath condo in the area) on her own, comfortably.
- My boyfriend operates a business out of his parents' barn. The business pays his parents' mortgage and he employs both of his parents who otherwise would be unemployed/work low wage jobs after his mom got laid off in their rural area. His parents never did manage to save for retirement thanks to his dad's mental illness, so they would be up a creek without him. Sure, he lives at home and doesn't pay rent himself, but he's the only one keeping the property from foreclosure and ensuring his parents have *something* for retirement. We'd love to get married, but I won't until he is able to pay down a significant amount of his student loan debt and I worry that he is going to feel beholden to support his parents at the detriment of *our* savings and retirement. I know many, many Millennials who are in that position with their parents.
These stories are far more typical than an overgrown manchild living in his parents' basement. In the former two cases, I wouldn't be surprised if their property values had tripled since they bought their homes in the 90s. It is very hard in my region to get a foothold on the property ladder, but it is a great place for career advancement. If you can stay, even by living with parents, then you'll be better off.
On the other hand, I'm almost 30 and expect I will be in my 40s before I can buy a home if I remain in my area - and I make far above the average income and pay less in rent thanks to roommates! I've lost literally thousands of dollars over the years due to issues with roommates - finding out they weren't paying for utilities (we each have a different bill in our name), having roommates leave last minute and being on the hook for their share of rent, not being responsible for their damages, stealing, etc. I don't always have friends who are looking when I need a new roommate or a new place to live, so it's typical to live with strangers which is an awful feeling. If I was in a situation where living with my parents was feasible or emotionally healthy, I would! Instead, I am trying to relocate once I complete my master's degree.
I'm 33yo and every millennial I know over the age of 25 busts their asses on a near daily basis. They're holding down full time jobs, part time jobs, and "side hustles". If they're living at home it's because rental costs in the majority of cities have outpaced wages, or because the added load of student loans have messed with people's credit scores so they can't get their own place, or because they are being financially smart and trying to save up money. There are a variety of reasons people don't move out of their parents' home and "laziness", in my experience, is more often at the bottom of that list.
Enough of this tired trope that millennials are lazy because they got trophies. I didn't get trophies or awards for just showing up. This is a BS idea that maybe applies to wealthy suburban kids whose parents filled up their schedules with soccer games, music camps, karate, and ballet classes, but it doesn't apply to a whole swath of people born within a specific range of years. Let's just end that incorrect rhetoric right there and try to come up with a less used cliche.
As for marriages, why would anyone my age married? We've seen the rising divorce rates, many have been personally affected by it. Women as just as likely, if not more likely, to be college educated and earn as much or more than their partners so they don't need to rely on the income of a breadwinner husband. Despite what you may see on reality TV shows and gossip rags, many millennials are over the big, overly expensive weddings in much the same way we're over McMasions and massive SUVs. Lots of women and girls have the increase confidence to be "independent women" and have learned that they don't need to be tied down in a relationship (especially a bad relationship) to be happy. Many of us are just trying to build up our brand or career and aren't ready to settle into the cliche of a married, suburban lifestyle.
Personally, outside of tax and legal reasons (especially if children are involved), I don't see much of benefit to marriage. Marriage doesn't equal commitment; lots of people who get married divorce within weeks/months/years and many couple who don't get officially married stay together for decades. Stop placing marriage on this hallowed pedestal, stop making it this requirement to advance to the next level of adulthood that must be passed in order to find true happiness, success, and enlightenment.
You make some good points. I don't think there is one answer to this question, there are many sides to every story. Yes, there are lazy millennials, student loans have weighed many down from seeking an independent life, marriage for life has changed and it is not the answer for many nor is it a shameful thing not to be married anymore. IMO the economic situation has led to many things changing, jobs going overseas, the cost of healthcare, homes, vacations, cars, etc. How does one afford any of these "basics" when the cost of college is ridiculous and loans take years to pay?
You make some good points. I don't think there is one answer to this question, there are many sides to every story. Yes, there are lazy millennials, student loans have weighed many down from seeking an independent life, marriage for life has changed and it is not the answer for many nor is it a shameful thing not to be married anymore. IMO the economic situation has led to many things changing, jobs going overseas, the cost of healthcare, homes, vacations, cars, etc. How does one afford any of these "basics" when the cost of college is ridiculous and loans take years to pay?
Simple...don't take out loans for college in the first place, and for sure don't if you expect the rest of us to pay for them through loan forgiveness.
If kids would buckle down starting in high school, instead of partying it up and messing around, they can get scholarships, grants, and even free rides.
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